my brain is dissolving. I can't concentrate. I’m panicking. self-destructive habits are coming
I've come to terms with the fact that I’m fucking psycho. And I’m as okay with that as I’ll ever be. I've come to terms with the fact that I must be manic depressive. And I’m for serious. I've come to terms with the fact that whenever you get your hopes up about anything, they will only be crushed. And when I say "come to terms" I mean completely cant handle.
I made up a new word the other day at work. It is a combination of desecrate and massacre.... massacrate. I'd say it is amazing. Speaking of work I want to fucking claw my eyes out when I’m there. Seriously, I think I’ve got one of the worst jobs of all time. Its even worse when you try to lean on the people who should "have your back" so to speak and completely act like assholes. I get no fucking respect around there. I'm glad staples is anally raping me everyday. It’s a good time.
I love all these pseudo intellectual people who are just "too cool" and "too smart" to have fun..
Any new friends I make from now on have to like The O.C. so I have SOMEONE to talk to it about.
Its weird how I will actually be in an okay mood and someone will say just one sentence to completely ruin that. And they don’t even know it. A lot of the time, I feel like I put myself out there to people, and expose myself and get nothing in return. I'm tired of it.
Anyway. This weekend should be packed full of excitement. I have to churn a six page paper that I have barely started to work on. I have no motivation. Hopefully I can get a huge portion of it done tomorrow.
I must give up the concept of friendship as a whole. This only makes me vulnerable to heart ache and I don’t want to deal with it anymore. I think I have about two people I can really depend on anymore. Sometimes I even doubt that. So many times I just put myself out there and get nothing in return. What a horrible feeling. Maybe I’m just expecting way to much. Whatever.
I’m in such a sour mood right now. But my aunt did send me a package today! I have yet to open it. What a wonderful thing, for no reason either. I guess you can always depend on family. Even though I can’t stand mine. I suppose I should give them more of a chance. Forget that I just overheard my dad bitching about me per usual. I know I just must be a horrible horrible daughter with all the trouble I cause and how dependent I am upon them. Give me a fucking break.
I made up a new word the other day at work. It is a combination of desecrate and massacre.... massacrate. I'd say it is amazing. Speaking of work I want to fucking claw my eyes out when I’m there. Seriously, I think I’ve got one of the worst jobs of all time. Its even worse when you try to lean on the people who should "have your back" so to speak and completely act like assholes. I get no fucking respect around there. I'm glad staples is anally raping me everyday. It’s a good time.
I love all these pseudo intellectual people who are just "too cool" and "too smart" to have fun..
Any new friends I make from now on have to like The O.C. so I have SOMEONE to talk to it about.
Its weird how I will actually be in an okay mood and someone will say just one sentence to completely ruin that. And they don’t even know it. A lot of the time, I feel like I put myself out there to people, and expose myself and get nothing in return. I'm tired of it.
Anyway. This weekend should be packed full of excitement. I have to churn a six page paper that I have barely started to work on. I have no motivation. Hopefully I can get a huge portion of it done tomorrow.
I must give up the concept of friendship as a whole. This only makes me vulnerable to heart ache and I don’t want to deal with it anymore. I think I have about two people I can really depend on anymore. Sometimes I even doubt that. So many times I just put myself out there and get nothing in return. What a horrible feeling. Maybe I’m just expecting way to much. Whatever.
I’m in such a sour mood right now. But my aunt did send me a package today! I have yet to open it. What a wonderful thing, for no reason either. I guess you can always depend on family. Even though I can’t stand mine. I suppose I should give them more of a chance. Forget that I just overheard my dad bitching about me per usual. I know I just must be a horrible horrible daughter with all the trouble I cause and how dependent I am upon them. Give me a fucking break.