The past is always creeping...

Jul 07, 2005 05:10

Ralph: Are u up?
Me: Yup
Ralph: Lol i cant sleep wanna chill

I hate my life so...I didnt answer him back I was busy...

Whenever Ralph comes creeping back into my life, I always think deeper in my past...as far back as...yup you know who. It's hard to talk about it now because a certain someone reads my journal (AHEM...but that's okay <3 haha)

I might as well just get it out...What do I care who judges me? It's weird to think that someone knows him better than I do with how close we used to be. I knew his every breath, his every move, his every thought. I feel like I still do, like I could go to this girl and tell her she has no idea. But then again...I know I'm just living inside my head.

She's the one sleeping with him and talking to him and exchanging the same words and pet names that we used to. So I can't help but think she just took my place. An equal or maybe better substitute for me. Almost like we never broke up...

I guess it makes me feel slightly jealous. No...I don't want a boyfriend...It's nothing personal...It just wasnt meant to be...But I miss the past...I started feeling it ecspecially when I went through that old photo album...It's 520 am though...Maybe I'm just tired

And now he dosen't talk to me because she's going to 'give him shit'. I just wanna be like...fuck that...he was mine before he was yours...I've never talked to her though, nor met her, so it's not like I'd even have the opportunity

I dont want her to hate me though. I know I'm "The ex" but I'm not some evil bitch...really I'm not. I wouldn't expect her to understand that. I wouldnt expect someone who won't let him talk to me understand that. And I'm sure if she read this or if he wanted to show off and show it to her...She'd have plenty of nasty things to say about me

And you know what...she can say whatever she wants. She wasnt there for those two years...she duznt know 121701...and she never will...So her words...his words...his friends words...whoevers words...They won't phase me...They weren't there

So fuck you...fuck the past...fuck the present...fuck the future...

So shwa

Sweet Dreams
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