(no subject)
ughhhh. i really dont know what i want to do with the rest of my life. I know it really isnt a big deal right now and i have all the time in the world but i just wish i had things figured out. I really want to drop out and just get some GED or something but i dont know enough information on it and i want to be able to go to college later when i decide to grow up...or i want to be homeschooled for a year then go back my senior year. I want things to change. I cant stand school right now. I dont think i could handle going two more years. I need more time to be on my own. I need to get a job and have a lot of hours so i can support myself or something...i want a lot more than what i flippin have right now. I want to move out but i dont know if i can fork up a few hundred a month while goign to school...and i really cant stand living here, i just cant make it here.
I dont feel enough support from anybody anymore. I feel like it really doesnt matter what i do in life, i'll always be fucking screwed. It hurts me so much now that i have realized that everything good in my life now wont last forever, and everything just crashes and burns. I hate the thought of things dying between me and other people. I hate the thought of people i care about killing themselves and being afraid every day that they will. People dont know how much it kills me to know that they dont care as much as I do. its not fair but thats always how it works out.
I cant remember when my life started to get so complicated. Everythought in my head contradicts itself and i feel so happy and so sad at the same time. I have so many things to complain about but yet i could say that everythign is as perfect as it could be. No matter what, im never satisfied with anything. I used to think that i wasnt satisfied with what other peopel had to offer or what other people did..but i realize now that im simply not satisfied with myself.
Im not satisfied with the way that i always treat myself or what i do in my life to screw myself over.
ugh, fuck everythign about this place and this life and every person i have ever met.
I dont feel enough support from anybody anymore. I feel like it really doesnt matter what i do in life, i'll always be fucking screwed. It hurts me so much now that i have realized that everything good in my life now wont last forever, and everything just crashes and burns. I hate the thought of things dying between me and other people. I hate the thought of people i care about killing themselves and being afraid every day that they will. People dont know how much it kills me to know that they dont care as much as I do. its not fair but thats always how it works out.
I cant remember when my life started to get so complicated. Everythought in my head contradicts itself and i feel so happy and so sad at the same time. I have so many things to complain about but yet i could say that everythign is as perfect as it could be. No matter what, im never satisfied with anything. I used to think that i wasnt satisfied with what other peopel had to offer or what other people did..but i realize now that im simply not satisfied with myself.
Im not satisfied with the way that i always treat myself or what i do in my life to screw myself over.
ugh, fuck everythign about this place and this life and every person i have ever met.