Overrated Words.
Sue me. I'm happy today. This afternoon, while watching something on TV, I suddenly had abdominal pains. And right then, I know what it was. I finally have the monthly flower visit... after three months. And no, I didn't worry that I'm preggo as first off, I don't have a boyfriend and i don't do one night stands--only if they're Edward Cullen--then maybe--still a maybe. But now, after three months, I can't believe I would actually say I missed having these abdominal pains...every single minute of it. I'm weird that way... Learn to accept it. Or then again, just leave this page. Close this window. For all I care. I write for myself... Though I don't write everything I feel or how I see things in here. For some rather personal matters, i write it in a personal diary. Other than that, the same nonsense crap I whine and bitch about, it's all here...or in my over-imaginative curious tired worry-some mind.
Stealing from Kimya Dawson's idea of Monthly Flowetry, I created my own haiku. A haiku of thanks after three months.
Thank you for coming
My monthly flower period
What sighs of relief.
So in my boredom waiting for somebody to talk to--to no avail. I resigned to talking to Kyle who insisted we talk in Tagalog so that he'll learn. But whenever I ask him something in Tagalog to which he replies in English, after a couple of minutes I would find myself conversing in English with him. And in between calling him gay and helping him look for a good site for "scandals" of artistas a.k.a. "porn", I can't help but wonder why people see me as a good friend and never a girlfriend--or something more along the lines of that.
There's this phrase I read in one of those notes I read in facebook, written or maybe copied-and-pasted on her notes that says, "...Mas masarap kang kaibigan" or "You're so much better as a friend". Is it because I tend to be close to guys that they come to me for advise or as an outlet for their frustrations? That I can always give them a shoulder for them to cry on?
I remember Rex crying on my shoulder. I remember talking to Grae and he was crying as well. The same went with Jes when he suddenly had an outburst and ymed me--whining about his lovelife. And other guys I've talked to with regards to their so-called, "love problems", they always tell me I'm a good friend. I've always thought that that was actually nice but then, I just realized that that's the only way guys will see me--as a friend.
"Let's just be friends." or "We can always be friends." That's a subtle way of turning down a guy (although it's rather overrated, that's the nicest thing one can put it in turning a guy down--believe me, I know). And this guy told me, "The word 'friend' is rather overrated". And we never talked again.
Maybe that's why I've been single for the last couple of years! I've been projecting myself as their friend--the one they can talk to about anything and everything--only, I'm a girl. It's like a bonus with me, I can ride with the boys' conversation and not only that, when it comes to their "girl problems", I'm the one they talk to because, duh... I'm a girl. I see a girl's perspective or POV (Point of view to those who don't know).
Nobody wants to be more than friends with me.
I'm just a friend to everyone.
Perhaps, I'm ugly. Well, okay, maybe not ugly--cus that's such a harsh word to describe myself when God created us in His image and God is most definitely not ugly. Well, I guess, I'm rather plain, blunt, ordinary and average. Although sometimes, i think I can be cute in some angles but looking at my reflection in the mirror, I, at most times, don't like what I see. Oooh drama, you might think but somehow I just wish that some guy--one guy would look at me--even without make-up on or with messy hair, looking sick and with dirty face, and just tell me, "you still look pretty to me".
Or something like this...
O 'diba? Every girl wants that.
Though, that, may be asking for too much. Mahirap makahanap ng ganyang lalake. Sobrang dalang. I know one guy who's like that. His name's Michael. He's like the dream guy every girl could ask for. The sweetest guy there is... ever loyal and patient to Mary Joy. I hope there are lots of Michaels out there... for every plain Janes out there. (Ever watched Dogfight? Lily Taylor and River Phoenix? It's rather sweet).
It all comes down to this, eh. Everybody just wants to be with someone who would make them want to become a better person everyday.
I've always thought about that when I think of Mr. Dreamboy (and yes, I'm still calling him that) and what he told me, one night when we were talking accompanying me to buy those egg earrings--in which I felt utterly foolish buying. That quiet casual yet serious talk made me realize how much I'm overlooking the things I have. I mean, here's this guy who's really smart and goes to school on a scholarship grant and not still being a good son despite of all the pressures being a summa cumlaude and a good friend. After that talk, I wanted to become a better person.
And whenever somebody ask me who I want to be with for the rest of my life. I secretly think, "somebody who is deeply in love with me and who will make me strive to become a better person each day just because". =)
But then, who would want to be with me? Like I said, I'm just a "friend" to everyone.
"I see you only as a friend."
"Let's just be friends, it's better that way."
"Thank you for being my friend--for always being there."
Ugh... how many times have I heard that in all my teen years?! From different people too. I know eh? Terrible.
Siguro, for now, I'll focus on my money-making career. =) It's better that way. To take my mind off these things and be successful... Then when I have the moolah i'll be able to get a car, go visit the Philippines and get back to school here... And maybe, we'll see what comes next.
>.<
Stealing from Kimya Dawson's idea of Monthly Flowetry, I created my own haiku. A haiku of thanks after three months.
Thank you for coming
My monthly flower period
What sighs of relief.
So in my boredom waiting for somebody to talk to--to no avail. I resigned to talking to Kyle who insisted we talk in Tagalog so that he'll learn. But whenever I ask him something in Tagalog to which he replies in English, after a couple of minutes I would find myself conversing in English with him. And in between calling him gay and helping him look for a good site for "scandals" of artistas a.k.a. "porn", I can't help but wonder why people see me as a good friend and never a girlfriend--or something more along the lines of that.
There's this phrase I read in one of those notes I read in facebook, written or maybe copied-and-pasted on her notes that says, "...Mas masarap kang kaibigan" or "You're so much better as a friend". Is it because I tend to be close to guys that they come to me for advise or as an outlet for their frustrations? That I can always give them a shoulder for them to cry on?
I remember Rex crying on my shoulder. I remember talking to Grae and he was crying as well. The same went with Jes when he suddenly had an outburst and ymed me--whining about his lovelife. And other guys I've talked to with regards to their so-called, "love problems", they always tell me I'm a good friend. I've always thought that that was actually nice but then, I just realized that that's the only way guys will see me--as a friend.
"Let's just be friends." or "We can always be friends." That's a subtle way of turning down a guy (although it's rather overrated, that's the nicest thing one can put it in turning a guy down--believe me, I know). And this guy told me, "The word 'friend' is rather overrated". And we never talked again.
Maybe that's why I've been single for the last couple of years! I've been projecting myself as their friend--the one they can talk to about anything and everything--only, I'm a girl. It's like a bonus with me, I can ride with the boys' conversation and not only that, when it comes to their "girl problems", I'm the one they talk to because, duh... I'm a girl. I see a girl's perspective or POV (Point of view to those who don't know).
Nobody wants to be more than friends with me.
I'm just a friend to everyone.
Perhaps, I'm ugly. Well, okay, maybe not ugly--cus that's such a harsh word to describe myself when God created us in His image and God is most definitely not ugly. Well, I guess, I'm rather plain, blunt, ordinary and average. Although sometimes, i think I can be cute in some angles but looking at my reflection in the mirror, I, at most times, don't like what I see. Oooh drama, you might think but somehow I just wish that some guy--one guy would look at me--even without make-up on or with messy hair, looking sick and with dirty face, and just tell me, "you still look pretty to me".
Or something like this...
Click to viewO 'diba? Every girl wants that.
Though, that, may be asking for too much. Mahirap makahanap ng ganyang lalake. Sobrang dalang. I know one guy who's like that. His name's Michael. He's like the dream guy every girl could ask for. The sweetest guy there is... ever loyal and patient to Mary Joy. I hope there are lots of Michaels out there... for every plain Janes out there. (Ever watched Dogfight? Lily Taylor and River Phoenix? It's rather sweet).
It all comes down to this, eh. Everybody just wants to be with someone who would make them want to become a better person everyday.
I've always thought about that when I think of Mr. Dreamboy (and yes, I'm still calling him that) and what he told me, one night when we were talking accompanying me to buy those egg earrings--in which I felt utterly foolish buying. That quiet casual yet serious talk made me realize how much I'm overlooking the things I have. I mean, here's this guy who's really smart and goes to school on a scholarship grant and not still being a good son despite of all the pressures being a summa cumlaude and a good friend. After that talk, I wanted to become a better person.
And whenever somebody ask me who I want to be with for the rest of my life. I secretly think, "somebody who is deeply in love with me and who will make me strive to become a better person each day just because". =)
But then, who would want to be with me? Like I said, I'm just a "friend" to everyone.
"I see you only as a friend."
"Let's just be friends, it's better that way."
"Thank you for being my friend--for always being there."
Ugh... how many times have I heard that in all my teen years?! From different people too. I know eh? Terrible.
Siguro, for now, I'll focus on my money-making career. =) It's better that way. To take my mind off these things and be successful... Then when I have the moolah i'll be able to get a car, go visit the Philippines and get back to school here... And maybe, we'll see what comes next.
>.<