(no subject)
fellow ljers.. do you ever find yourself constructing these entries in your head, only to find when sat at the keyboard that you failed to think up a beginning to your prose?
yeah....
well this is as good a start as any, i suppose...
things have been good lately.
i am so enjoying just being able to be silly with people.
i could go into great detail about the past year, about things missing and finding out for definite who and what is important and a whole bunch of other stuff because yes, the past few weeks have been very enlightening and yes, things coming to a head through the explanation and resolution of that uneasy feeling that has been constant for an entire year have allowed me to be able to say, once and for all, 'fuck it' and actually, convincingly, 100% leave the crap and the whinging behind me and truly look forward and be the person that i've been saying repeatedly that i could be (under the right circumstances) for as long as i can remember...
and i could talk about the tea drinking and the unreal tournament playing and the 'risotto' eating and making people smile and the faffing and the giggling and the snuggling...
(and yes, all of that is pretty fucking special..)
but perhaps even more awesome than that has been the constancy of the people i live with; the 9pm-on-a-monday glee routine, the cakey goodness, that feeling of actually wanting to come home after work, the food (oh god the food..), the confidence with them to be able to fall asleep on the sofa, play my guitar and sing, wear the most ridiculous pyjamas, be messy and lazy (and perhaps not brilliant at, say, feeding myself...), be generally silly and odd and fun without fear of any of it altering their regard for me... i cannot even begin to express how much that all means.
it's enough to make any of the potentially stressful practical stuff (work, finances...) pale into insignificance.
and it's enough to give me the strength and the sense of self to get on and do the things which need doing.
... it's almost enough to get me to try my hand at ringing again, i'd wager.
almost...
this is my kind of friendship. i just hope that after harping on about it for so long, i actually deserve it.
♥
yeah....
well this is as good a start as any, i suppose...
things have been good lately.
i am so enjoying just being able to be silly with people.
i could go into great detail about the past year, about things missing and finding out for definite who and what is important and a whole bunch of other stuff because yes, the past few weeks have been very enlightening and yes, things coming to a head through the explanation and resolution of that uneasy feeling that has been constant for an entire year have allowed me to be able to say, once and for all, 'fuck it' and actually, convincingly, 100% leave the crap and the whinging behind me and truly look forward and be the person that i've been saying repeatedly that i could be (under the right circumstances) for as long as i can remember...
and i could talk about the tea drinking and the unreal tournament playing and the 'risotto' eating and making people smile and the faffing and the giggling and the snuggling...
(and yes, all of that is pretty fucking special..)
but perhaps even more awesome than that has been the constancy of the people i live with; the 9pm-on-a-monday glee routine, the cakey goodness, that feeling of actually wanting to come home after work, the food (oh god the food..), the confidence with them to be able to fall asleep on the sofa, play my guitar and sing, wear the most ridiculous pyjamas, be messy and lazy (and perhaps not brilliant at, say, feeding myself...), be generally silly and odd and fun without fear of any of it altering their regard for me... i cannot even begin to express how much that all means.
it's enough to make any of the potentially stressful practical stuff (work, finances...) pale into insignificance.
and it's enough to give me the strength and the sense of self to get on and do the things which need doing.
... it's almost enough to get me to try my hand at ringing again, i'd wager.
almost...
this is my kind of friendship. i just hope that after harping on about it for so long, i actually deserve it.
♥