(no subject)
i am so, SO very tired of history repeating itself.
i deserve better than this, i always have.
and that's not arrogance, that is just knowing that things/people you 'rely' on are in actual fact so unreliable, so unstable that if you tried to lean on them for just a second an avalanche would occur. let alone began to trust them to be generally decent people.
and the reason they they are so unreliable? because they don't care.
that is NOT a fact of life that i should have to face up to and accept, that is NOT something i should give up hoping will happen. i am not asking the earth.
i am a fucking fantastic person and at the very least i deserve to have friends who care about me, who will stick by me.
and right now, apart from the odd, varied and incredibly special stalwarts (you know who you are), i do not have that.
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and it's not like if this fails i have anyone to fall back on, either. because history repeats. over and over and over. a long, sorry stream of let downs and sad stories and so many tears shed. and it's all just so fucking tiring and exhausting and frustrating...
what next? a new group of people to be disappointed by, perhaps elsewhere? who knows...
i deserve better than this, i always have.
and that's not arrogance, that is just knowing that things/people you 'rely' on are in actual fact so unreliable, so unstable that if you tried to lean on them for just a second an avalanche would occur. let alone began to trust them to be generally decent people.
and the reason they they are so unreliable? because they don't care.
that is NOT a fact of life that i should have to face up to and accept, that is NOT something i should give up hoping will happen. i am not asking the earth.
i am a fucking fantastic person and at the very least i deserve to have friends who care about me, who will stick by me.
and right now, apart from the odd, varied and incredibly special stalwarts (you know who you are), i do not have that.
-----
and it's not like if this fails i have anyone to fall back on, either. because history repeats. over and over and over. a long, sorry stream of let downs and sad stories and so many tears shed. and it's all just so fucking tiring and exhausting and frustrating...
what next? a new group of people to be disappointed by, perhaps elsewhere? who knows...