(no subject)
hi eljay! long time no see..?
the summer has passed since we last spoke. and in that time?
both lots and very little has happened, y'know? in bullet format:
copying silvernatasha's bullet points cos i'm unimaginative and can't be arsed to look up the proper code :D
♥ got a job in exeter fat face, and a transfer to cardiff fat face next month, as well as hours in faith :D
♥ met some lovely people at work, who all think i'm insane in the best possible way, and yet still take me seriously when necessary.. perfect balance :D
♥ after much indecision, decided to move back to cardiff - paid lots of monies on a house that i have still yet to see.... trusting sarah that it is actually nice...
♥ got horribly addicted to tetris, played a LOT of oblivion (but still haven't seemed to get anywhere... this game is gonna last me years)
♥ went to visit luke and julia.. twice.. probably a bad idea but he got back in touch with me, so something tells me i was missed... i have an assurance from him that he values my friendship and has no intention of doing the same again. i know, i'd be a fool if i believed him, but on the other hand i just cannot turn my back on what still is, when it's good, an amazing friendship. so i'm just going to have to be careful, i think - and i think it could work, y'know? i'm not on secondlife and he's not on msn, so the only communication is occasional texts, emails and facebook messages, and meeting up in person where we always have gotten on well; therefore it's a whole lot less intense. :)
♥ changed bank accounts (after a lot of hassle) and got a credit card - i know, exciting...
♥ bought a new shiny blue laptop - well. i still owe my dad for it...
♥ went to the green man festival, had a stupidly fantastically beautiful time, met an awesome girl.. ♥♥♥
♥mel♥
♥rob♥
♥ben and mel♥
♥becky, ben and mel♥
coming back to normality was difficult...
♥ decided that i absolutely have to learn to drive and road trip and recreate that laidback festival atmosphere, although still need to sort all that out...
and probably lots more besides! and yet it feels like i've done very little...
i've only been out once, and haven't even graced timepiece with my presence..! of all the old friends here, i've seen rich once and spanky twice. that is literally it, although i hold nothing against spanky, and will hopefully see her a few more times before i go.. but i mean, say what you like about luke but even with all the inconsistency and the hurt he's far more reliable than pretty much all of my other 'home' friends, so what does that tell you? anyone who knows me well will know that i need to be around people to survive. if i hadn't got my job in fat face, had mel on the end of the phone, dale on the end of the keyboard and nate on the end of a headset, this summer would have been absolutely, incomprehensibly shit - as it is, it's been somewhere around about let's say 6/10... the girls at fat face have been a lifeline for me; particularly willow, lissie and naomi, and i am so grateful to them... but for all that, i am just about ready to give up on this place. there are fewer reasons to stay than reasons to go. and while the reasons for me moving to cardiff are not necessarily brilliant, i think it's got to the stage where, depressing a thought as it is, cardiff is more my home than devon will ever be.
and so the plans are...
♥ move to cardiff in the week beginning the 4th of october
♥ work in fat face (16 hour contract + overtime and the possibility/probability of a bigger contract when the new store opens in st davids 2) and faith
♥ try and join the bbc wales choir
♥ hopefully volunteer in the museum in my free time
♥ learn to drive
♥ maybe once i have my driving license, start applying for 'real' jobs.. but that's a future concern
♥ spend much in the way of quality time with my friendlies
♥ be a generally happy person
hopefully.. all will work out well :)
of course there are things which petrify me about moving back.
meeting becky at the festival, and the girls at fat face.. you know how you get used to believing what apparently is an undeniable truth, something like... you should just accept that nobody will ever quite understand who you really are, no matter how deliberately transparent you are, and will always misjudge or underestimate you in some way shape or form? and then you meet people who, without effort, or ego, or anything like that, just get it; that you are by nature a nice, funny, slightly insane, clever, physically affectionate, warm(♥) person and that being you is not a problem; and you remember why you'd get so pissed off with the people who don't understand that much, or who ask you why it matters to you that people do, because you knew all along that it wasn't such an unreasonable thing to wish for but you've been bullied almost into thinking that you're asking too much?
yeah. the girls, and becky especially, just got all that about me, and more; no questions asked. i can't even begin to describe how much that means to me. and also how much it shouldn't have meant, because more people should be able to do it.
i'm tired of fighting to portray something which shouldn't be difficult to understand, and i don't want to do it anymore; i'm scared that coming back to cardiff will be a mistake in that respect. but i miss them, and as well as the bad times there were, of course, the absolutely fucking fantastic ones which always made up for it. and so i have hope. :)
i think that's about it for now...
the summer has passed since we last spoke. and in that time?
both lots and very little has happened, y'know? in bullet format:
copying silvernatasha's bullet points cos i'm unimaginative and can't be arsed to look up the proper code :D
♥ got a job in exeter fat face, and a transfer to cardiff fat face next month, as well as hours in faith :D
♥ met some lovely people at work, who all think i'm insane in the best possible way, and yet still take me seriously when necessary.. perfect balance :D
♥ after much indecision, decided to move back to cardiff - paid lots of monies on a house that i have still yet to see.... trusting sarah that it is actually nice...
♥ got horribly addicted to tetris, played a LOT of oblivion (but still haven't seemed to get anywhere... this game is gonna last me years)
♥ went to visit luke and julia.. twice.. probably a bad idea but he got back in touch with me, so something tells me i was missed... i have an assurance from him that he values my friendship and has no intention of doing the same again. i know, i'd be a fool if i believed him, but on the other hand i just cannot turn my back on what still is, when it's good, an amazing friendship. so i'm just going to have to be careful, i think - and i think it could work, y'know? i'm not on secondlife and he's not on msn, so the only communication is occasional texts, emails and facebook messages, and meeting up in person where we always have gotten on well; therefore it's a whole lot less intense. :)
♥ changed bank accounts (after a lot of hassle) and got a credit card - i know, exciting...
♥ bought a new shiny blue laptop - well. i still owe my dad for it...
♥ went to the green man festival, had a stupidly fantastically beautiful time, met an awesome girl.. ♥♥♥
♥mel♥
♥rob♥
♥ben and mel♥
♥becky, ben and mel♥
coming back to normality was difficult...
♥ decided that i absolutely have to learn to drive and road trip and recreate that laidback festival atmosphere, although still need to sort all that out...
and probably lots more besides! and yet it feels like i've done very little...
i've only been out once, and haven't even graced timepiece with my presence..! of all the old friends here, i've seen rich once and spanky twice. that is literally it, although i hold nothing against spanky, and will hopefully see her a few more times before i go.. but i mean, say what you like about luke but even with all the inconsistency and the hurt he's far more reliable than pretty much all of my other 'home' friends, so what does that tell you? anyone who knows me well will know that i need to be around people to survive. if i hadn't got my job in fat face, had mel on the end of the phone, dale on the end of the keyboard and nate on the end of a headset, this summer would have been absolutely, incomprehensibly shit - as it is, it's been somewhere around about let's say 6/10... the girls at fat face have been a lifeline for me; particularly willow, lissie and naomi, and i am so grateful to them... but for all that, i am just about ready to give up on this place. there are fewer reasons to stay than reasons to go. and while the reasons for me moving to cardiff are not necessarily brilliant, i think it's got to the stage where, depressing a thought as it is, cardiff is more my home than devon will ever be.
and so the plans are...
♥ move to cardiff in the week beginning the 4th of october
♥ work in fat face (16 hour contract + overtime and the possibility/probability of a bigger contract when the new store opens in st davids 2) and faith
♥ try and join the bbc wales choir
♥ hopefully volunteer in the museum in my free time
♥ learn to drive
♥ maybe once i have my driving license, start applying for 'real' jobs.. but that's a future concern
♥ spend much in the way of quality time with my friendlies
♥ be a generally happy person
hopefully.. all will work out well :)
of course there are things which petrify me about moving back.
meeting becky at the festival, and the girls at fat face.. you know how you get used to believing what apparently is an undeniable truth, something like... you should just accept that nobody will ever quite understand who you really are, no matter how deliberately transparent you are, and will always misjudge or underestimate you in some way shape or form? and then you meet people who, without effort, or ego, or anything like that, just get it; that you are by nature a nice, funny, slightly insane, clever, physically affectionate, warm(♥) person and that being you is not a problem; and you remember why you'd get so pissed off with the people who don't understand that much, or who ask you why it matters to you that people do, because you knew all along that it wasn't such an unreasonable thing to wish for but you've been bullied almost into thinking that you're asking too much?
yeah. the girls, and becky especially, just got all that about me, and more; no questions asked. i can't even begin to describe how much that means to me. and also how much it shouldn't have meant, because more people should be able to do it.
i'm tired of fighting to portray something which shouldn't be difficult to understand, and i don't want to do it anymore; i'm scared that coming back to cardiff will be a mistake in that respect. but i miss them, and as well as the bad times there were, of course, the absolutely fucking fantastic ones which always made up for it. and so i have hope. :)
i think that's about it for now...