can't stop crying
Well like I said im reading this book called The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Its an amazing book I got it on…. Monday? I think. And well I have 43 pages left ill prolly finish it tonight. I can’t wait to get my next book ill prolly take one of the suggestions from the back. I love when books do that. And movies. Well the other day I was walking to cheer practice and I started thinking… about him. And I miss him so much. I just want to tell him. Id tell him all the things I miss about him, and everything that’s been on my mind.
“I miss your smile. I miss your laugh. I miss your voice. I miss your soft hair that I used to run my fingers through. I miss you lying in my arms. I miss missing you. I miss our phone calls. I miss you singing. I miss the sound of you sleeping. I miss your arms around me. I miss your amazing brown eyes. I miss your hands in mine. Its amazing how well they fit together. I miss sleeping next to you. I miss watching movies with you that I can’t watch with other people. I miss telling you my dreams. I miss dreaming about you. I miss the feeling of being loved. I miss hiding in bushes with you. I miss talking on the phone with you in the dead of winter and you’d be outside in nothing but your boxers and a trench coat. I miss hearing you say “I love you”. I miss hearing the laugh you get when your so happy. I miss all the things you said to/about me. I miss the way you hands felt on me. I miss swinging on the tire swing. I miss the little purple pills I wasn’t aloud to have (haha). I miss the way you made me feel like I was never a freak. I miss they way I could tell you what I really thought and felt and months later you still remember it word for word. I miss telling you I love you. I miss “ sweet dreams my sweets”. I miss B/K together. I miss you talking about your friends. I miss how id do anything you said because I loved you. I miss talking to you mom. I miss giving each other presents. I miss the stupid things we had that no one could ever know/understand. I miss crying cuz I miss you so much. I miss being let down every time I didn’t get to see you. I miss trying to walk to your house a million times in the winter. I miss you always being there for me. I miss trying my hardest to make you happy, even though I always felt like I failed. I miss kissing you and it feeling as if I could just die so happy that there’s nothing better. God I hate crying. I miss the way you look at me. I miss your breath on me. I know I wasn’t the best girlfriend but I swear to you I will be next time. I will do everything in my power to make you happy. For god sakes its been almost what 4 years? Iv been in love with you for so long. I will not let you down this time. I will make sure I see you I will make sure I make you happy this time. Just come back. Give me 2 or 3 weeks and I will see you every day if you wish. I will see you every month if you wish. It doesn’t matter. In 2 or 3 weeks we make the rules we can do this. Don’t tell me you love me again don’t tell me you miss me again if you don’t wanna try again. We can do this now. Just let me do this.” And then I cry like I am now… I miss him guys. iv never felt so horrible, so miserable, so lost and hopeless until I lost him. Saturday will be 8 months. I love him guys. I really do take the one thing in your life you cant go a day with out, something you care so much for and you feel so deeply for and just get ride of it for one week. How horrible and lost and incomplete you feel. Now times it by 35 and that’s how it is. 35 weeks with out the one thing you feel like you’d die with out. It’s the worst. I hate telling people this I hate people knowing how bad I feel. But god.
“the time that we kill keeps us alive”
too many sad songs remind me of him
“I miss your smile. I miss your laugh. I miss your voice. I miss your soft hair that I used to run my fingers through. I miss you lying in my arms. I miss missing you. I miss our phone calls. I miss you singing. I miss the sound of you sleeping. I miss your arms around me. I miss your amazing brown eyes. I miss your hands in mine. Its amazing how well they fit together. I miss sleeping next to you. I miss watching movies with you that I can’t watch with other people. I miss telling you my dreams. I miss dreaming about you. I miss the feeling of being loved. I miss hiding in bushes with you. I miss talking on the phone with you in the dead of winter and you’d be outside in nothing but your boxers and a trench coat. I miss hearing you say “I love you”. I miss hearing the laugh you get when your so happy. I miss all the things you said to/about me. I miss the way you hands felt on me. I miss swinging on the tire swing. I miss the little purple pills I wasn’t aloud to have (haha). I miss the way you made me feel like I was never a freak. I miss they way I could tell you what I really thought and felt and months later you still remember it word for word. I miss telling you I love you. I miss “ sweet dreams my sweets”. I miss B/K together. I miss you talking about your friends. I miss how id do anything you said because I loved you. I miss talking to you mom. I miss giving each other presents. I miss the stupid things we had that no one could ever know/understand. I miss crying cuz I miss you so much. I miss being let down every time I didn’t get to see you. I miss trying to walk to your house a million times in the winter. I miss you always being there for me. I miss trying my hardest to make you happy, even though I always felt like I failed. I miss kissing you and it feeling as if I could just die so happy that there’s nothing better. God I hate crying. I miss the way you look at me. I miss your breath on me. I know I wasn’t the best girlfriend but I swear to you I will be next time. I will do everything in my power to make you happy. For god sakes its been almost what 4 years? Iv been in love with you for so long. I will not let you down this time. I will make sure I see you I will make sure I make you happy this time. Just come back. Give me 2 or 3 weeks and I will see you every day if you wish. I will see you every month if you wish. It doesn’t matter. In 2 or 3 weeks we make the rules we can do this. Don’t tell me you love me again don’t tell me you miss me again if you don’t wanna try again. We can do this now. Just let me do this.” And then I cry like I am now… I miss him guys. iv never felt so horrible, so miserable, so lost and hopeless until I lost him. Saturday will be 8 months. I love him guys. I really do take the one thing in your life you cant go a day with out, something you care so much for and you feel so deeply for and just get ride of it for one week. How horrible and lost and incomplete you feel. Now times it by 35 and that’s how it is. 35 weeks with out the one thing you feel like you’d die with out. It’s the worst. I hate telling people this I hate people knowing how bad I feel. But god.
“the time that we kill keeps us alive”
too many sad songs remind me of him