its seems that lately
i only post on this when im stuck at Chris's house and he's busy doing something else, this time around he just left to work, he drives a cab. more than half of his clientele are female strippers. which i am not happy about. but we've been talking more and having more late night early morning conversations. which are half way arguments that end in a better understanding. well. im happy to be ok about having a boyfriend. he really does go out of his way to make me happy, and shows that he loves me as often as possible, although he's lied about things to keep me from being upset in the past, i feel like he's starting to understand, a. he should be truthful no matter what, and b. he shouldn't fuck up than he wont have to lie.
i like coming here, to his house. i have it all to myself, kinda. his mom is super depressed and a hermit so she is either asleep or watching t.v. and im in the comp room or his bed room. which i might clean?
its really been hard me planning on leaving, and then getting deeply involved with this relationship. its kind of a bad idea. we would pull through the separation, but what if im throwing away something thats real, and worth it?
like i did when i left tony, like ive done with aaron, and robert. turning my back for my own best interest, knowing i may be losing the best or gaining the best. its all a gamble thats been engraved in me since childhood. i cant play it safe. ever. but im growing, im more loyal. so many hot portland oregon hotties that ive had to pass on because im committed and in love. and it actually feels good, to tame the wolf that wants to ravage.
funny story, me and chris were not yet decided on being exclusive, and went to new seasons for salad and ribs, well ive had a crush on the shopping cart attendant, and saw him that day. well later that night i was bored on CL and decided to make a post for the guy, not thinking he would respond i recieve a text at 4 am. from chris, he read the post and was very upset. i realized it wasnt very nice of me, but then we decided to make it monogamous.
he still brings it up and i still get irritated about the flooseys he picks up in his cab, god the thought of him hugging and associating with strippers all night is just guh.
either way, im second guessing moving down south because of this guy.
and while i live in portland, i should be having fun, and flirting kissing and all that while i can and im young. and the hotties flow like whiskey. but shit, should i just be a dark child in the garden of Babylon, or should i take a higher road to personal enlightenment and chastity? i would marry chris. in a hippie on the beach kind of way.
but thats too easy. not to travel. not to struggle. what am i talking about...
settling down?
me?!
never.
i like coming here, to his house. i have it all to myself, kinda. his mom is super depressed and a hermit so she is either asleep or watching t.v. and im in the comp room or his bed room. which i might clean?
its really been hard me planning on leaving, and then getting deeply involved with this relationship. its kind of a bad idea. we would pull through the separation, but what if im throwing away something thats real, and worth it?
like i did when i left tony, like ive done with aaron, and robert. turning my back for my own best interest, knowing i may be losing the best or gaining the best. its all a gamble thats been engraved in me since childhood. i cant play it safe. ever. but im growing, im more loyal. so many hot portland oregon hotties that ive had to pass on because im committed and in love. and it actually feels good, to tame the wolf that wants to ravage.
funny story, me and chris were not yet decided on being exclusive, and went to new seasons for salad and ribs, well ive had a crush on the shopping cart attendant, and saw him that day. well later that night i was bored on CL and decided to make a post for the guy, not thinking he would respond i recieve a text at 4 am. from chris, he read the post and was very upset. i realized it wasnt very nice of me, but then we decided to make it monogamous.
he still brings it up and i still get irritated about the flooseys he picks up in his cab, god the thought of him hugging and associating with strippers all night is just guh.
either way, im second guessing moving down south because of this guy.
and while i live in portland, i should be having fun, and flirting kissing and all that while i can and im young. and the hotties flow like whiskey. but shit, should i just be a dark child in the garden of Babylon, or should i take a higher road to personal enlightenment and chastity? i would marry chris. in a hippie on the beach kind of way.
but thats too easy. not to travel. not to struggle. what am i talking about...
settling down?
me?!
never.