Still Alive, I Think
Well, it's been a month-ish or so, so I suppose I should at least give a recap of life at the moment.
I don't really think much has changed--I'm still working 12-15 hour days five days a week (though I have been told to keep it at a straight 14 if possible because I need to catch my last train home at 11 pm, and the company isn't too happy, I am sure, about having to pay $200 in cab fare every time I don't quite make it--though I am glad they do). If I'm honest, it's basically too much work for one person, but I don't see it changing. I've found that my cynical distrust has basically reached the level it needs to to make it so I don't get fucked over by everyone, which is basically me just fighting to do everything my own damn self instead of deciding to trust people, have them fuck it, then be blamed for it.
In a half-assed attempt to pretend I have time and energy for hobbies, I joined NetGalley and was actually given an ARC to review--the only thing that really upsets me is the fact that it's taken me far too long to actually read it, and I hope that my lack of time doesn't keep me from getting approved for books in the future; because, well, it's nice to get free copies of books I would read anyway, or have an excuse to go and spend time going through a book list and remember that I actually did have non-work-related interests at some point in time.
I also caved and got a Tumblr (95% so I could stalk my work fandom, I will be honest, because the company does not pay attention to this at all when we really, really should be). It's at http://a-rumbly-in-my-tumbly.tumblr.com/ so if you want to watch me post about stupid shit or reblog people, go right ahead. I also have an ask box and shit open over there, or...whatever the fuck you do. I still basically hate the way that posting actually works, so I am not at all active over there (see also: no time for shit) but there you go.
The goods for ABC's tour are out, and I actually quite like the designs, but I am still holding out that I will be able to get a ticket to one of the shows SOMEHOW seeing as both of the fanclub draws went bust. I'm finding that I can't put all my happiness eggs in that basket, though, because life basically makes it so that anything but the essentials is just too much of a pain in the ass to deal with.
I'll probably buy the stuff I want anyway, though, and hope that they'll get greedy and open up the limited-to-venue stuff to general sale at some point, since I, you know, can't take off from work just for buying shit.
Final Fantasy Record Keeper is still a strong presence in life, because it's basically the perfect 'play it on the train on the way to work' game (unfortunately, I can't often read on the train because I get motion sickness). I have fun with it, anyway.
My recovery from my knee injury is still going along...I'm sure part of the reason why it's slow is because my body is so exhausted all the time. I actually had to take a morning off work a few weeks ago because I blacked out while getting dressed in the morning. Turned out I was just dehydrated as well as exhausted. I'm trying to get a better handle on the hydration, at least, but I admit that was kind of freaky all the same. When you're completely alone, it drives home in a real way that nothing can happen to you or your whole life will fall apart.
I suppose my difficulty in life at the moment is that I don't really know how I feel other than tired. I don't really know if I'm happy with my life or not, if I'm honest. I work far too much to even think about anything else, it seems, and I have a hard time disassociating from that and getting my mind off of it.
But, I'm still here, at least.
I don't really think much has changed--I'm still working 12-15 hour days five days a week (though I have been told to keep it at a straight 14 if possible because I need to catch my last train home at 11 pm, and the company isn't too happy, I am sure, about having to pay $200 in cab fare every time I don't quite make it--though I am glad they do). If I'm honest, it's basically too much work for one person, but I don't see it changing. I've found that my cynical distrust has basically reached the level it needs to to make it so I don't get fucked over by everyone, which is basically me just fighting to do everything my own damn self instead of deciding to trust people, have them fuck it, then be blamed for it.
In a half-assed attempt to pretend I have time and energy for hobbies, I joined NetGalley and was actually given an ARC to review--the only thing that really upsets me is the fact that it's taken me far too long to actually read it, and I hope that my lack of time doesn't keep me from getting approved for books in the future; because, well, it's nice to get free copies of books I would read anyway, or have an excuse to go and spend time going through a book list and remember that I actually did have non-work-related interests at some point in time.
I also caved and got a Tumblr (95% so I could stalk my work fandom, I will be honest, because the company does not pay attention to this at all when we really, really should be). It's at http://a-rumbly-in-my-tumbly.tumblr.com/ so if you want to watch me post about stupid shit or reblog people, go right ahead. I also have an ask box and shit open over there, or...whatever the fuck you do. I still basically hate the way that posting actually works, so I am not at all active over there (see also: no time for shit) but there you go.
The goods for ABC's tour are out, and I actually quite like the designs, but I am still holding out that I will be able to get a ticket to one of the shows SOMEHOW seeing as both of the fanclub draws went bust. I'm finding that I can't put all my happiness eggs in that basket, though, because life basically makes it so that anything but the essentials is just too much of a pain in the ass to deal with.
I'll probably buy the stuff I want anyway, though, and hope that they'll get greedy and open up the limited-to-venue stuff to general sale at some point, since I, you know, can't take off from work just for buying shit.
Final Fantasy Record Keeper is still a strong presence in life, because it's basically the perfect 'play it on the train on the way to work' game (unfortunately, I can't often read on the train because I get motion sickness). I have fun with it, anyway.
My recovery from my knee injury is still going along...I'm sure part of the reason why it's slow is because my body is so exhausted all the time. I actually had to take a morning off work a few weeks ago because I blacked out while getting dressed in the morning. Turned out I was just dehydrated as well as exhausted. I'm trying to get a better handle on the hydration, at least, but I admit that was kind of freaky all the same. When you're completely alone, it drives home in a real way that nothing can happen to you or your whole life will fall apart.
I suppose my difficulty in life at the moment is that I don't really know how I feel other than tired. I don't really know if I'm happy with my life or not, if I'm honest. I work far too much to even think about anything else, it seems, and I have a hard time disassociating from that and getting my mind off of it.
But, I'm still here, at least.