Myriad Announcements

[kikuko_kamimura]

1. Yes, I'm still alive.

2. Yes, all I do is work. But, my first project is now available as a free download both on the AppStore and Google Play: My Forged Wedding: PARTY. So if you're into romance sim type stuff and want to try it out, I would appreciate it! (There are in-app purchases for extra illustrations and whatnot, but I don't expect

Comments

[kikuko_kamimura]

I'm going to reply to each comment, because I am sure I will run out of characters if I try to do it all in one XD
So, HAY GURL HAY
I guess a lot of the reason I only update here once a month or so is because I know damn well that so much of my problems now are transient. I've been working in an entirely new job for less than six months--of course things are going to be difficult, and I am going to feel 'in transition' for some time--and the less I focus on the negativity, the more I can just tell myself, 'okay, that sucked balls, but I'm still standing, so rant it out and move on'.
I think applying for jobs then was my total breaking point--it made me physically ill to imagine doing another year of teaching, at the same school with the same people who didn't appreciate all the work I put in so they didn't have to, or how much I really did bend over backwards to make sure their lack of planning didn't fuck them with the dildo of the impossible rebrand, as they say.
And, of course, knowing that applying to other schools was worthless, because from everyone I talked to, save a few people for whom clearly teaching is their calling and/or they got nice jobs at nice schools that pay them for more than 'stand over here and look foreign and reinforce our cultural stereotypes about you please'.
But, I also knew that if I did end up not being able to find a job, and leaving Japan, that I would NEVER forgive myself for not giving it everything I had to stay. My life is here, my independence is here, and if I did go back to the US my literal only option would be to move back in with my parents--which would be okay for a while, but I know not for long.

If it makes you feel any better, which it should--the JLPT, at the level where it's actually worth something? Bordering on fucking IM-POSS-I-FUCKING-BLE. I used to feel bad that I never got my 2kyuu, especially right out of college when I took one of the previous years' tests and was something like 10 points off passing (but I didn't want to spend $200 plus transport and hotel in Seattle for something I wasn't positive I was going to pass)...until I showed a practice book to one of the mothers of some kids I taught and she didn't have a goddamn clue what half of the damn kanji were, let alone what the reading passages were on about. So, seriously--it's not you, it's the TEST--and Japan wanting to perpetuate this idea that only native Japanese can truly understand the mysterious beauty and perfection of their language, which makes them more intelligent and in tune with things than every other race on earth. That's all it is.
Hell, I translate for a goddamn living and I don't have shit. I was asked about it in interview, sure, but when I (must have) nailed their translation test? They really didn't care if I had the JLPT or not. Though I do understand the lovely, lovely security of having a piece of paper that says you're good at something to shove in the faces of all the people who refuse to believe that your whiteness doesn't somehow prevent basic literacy.

I wish you the best of luck with getting credentials, though, and I hope that it's not money wasted--so many people are finding themselves in the need experience/can't get it catch that it's suitably upsetting in a lot of ways. I thank my lucky stars every day that my current company gave me a chance, even if the work itself leaves me run down and tired--they're good people, with their hearts in the right place, and they honestly do work hard to create something people will enjoy--and even though long hours are totally necessary, they don't want anyone to kill themselves doing it, which is a relief. We even have one day a week where our computers will actually shut down/make it impossible to work after 7pm so we all have to go home on time.

It's so rough when you walk into an interview and it's clear that all they want your Japanese for is so that they don't have to bother speaking English (but they'll still treat you like you have mental disabilities anyway).

[jadesun]

Thanks for what you said about the JLPT... it did help knowing I'm not alone. I've been feeling like, "If I'm any bit decent, I should be able to pass it like all my classmates from Waseda have!" It's been driving me crazy thinking there was something lacking in me and that maybe I wasn't cut out for this after all. Even though I'd heard it was all textbook and not practical, I thought after all my studying, surely I could pass the stupid N2! But I failed by... I think it was THREE POINTS the last time (_ _") Still, I think you were right when you mentioned proof; being able to shut up the noisy ones who think I can only ever be illiterate since I'm white (and if I do well, then I'm like a trained dog. I can never just be on the same level with them, because of course, Japanese people are the gods' gift to earth).

(I had to reply twice again, too. I think I talk too much...? lol)