The Third Theme (39 of 40)
Well, I've been screwing around enough tonight. Time for the second to last entry in my LiveJournal posting experiment, and seeing as this is post #39, it's time for another theme post. I was going to talk about self-censorship last time, but I forgot and ended up talking about seriousness or something. Really though, it's probably better to talk about this now that I've gotten plenty of practice posting stuff. Admittedly, this post is gonna be somewhat hard to write considering the subject boils down to why I'm embarrassed to talk about certain things. Doesn't make it much easier that listening to spoken word albums is almost as distracting as Skype. David Cross is a really angry guy. He also doesn't seem to understand how to maintain a constant volume, which makes listening to him at night when other people are sleeping pretty tricky.
Come on, focus. What? Why am I feeling hungry? I ate a frickin bowl of salisbury steak soup AND a KFC bowl. Not a very tasty combination btw. Anyway. Forget that, okay, argh. I am very very tempted to turn David Cross off for a while cause he's always either shouting or mumbling and trying to get me to pay attention to him, but man it's getting warm again.
All right, for serious now. A lot of my posts haven't been as "stream of consciousness" style as I originally intended, on account of I am pretty aware that people read this, especially people I know and talk to on a regular basis. So either consciously or subconsciously I tend to censor what I type, even to the point of typing stuff out completely and then deleting the entire thing. For a little while, that was the only way I acted on the org. Speaking of which, for some reason I have a tendency to actively avoid mentioning the org if there's even a slight chance someone not "in the know" might read it and get confused or possibly offended? I think I actually try to hide the org and even AMVs in general from pretty much anyone who I didn't meet through amvs. Really, I have a tendency to segregate my hobbies and friends. Yet I also have an urge to combine them all. It's sort of a weird kind of dilemma that I notice in myself a lot. Well, maybe not. I mena, I do see myself wanting two opposite concepts, like wanting to be different but also wanting to be like everybody else, but the more I think of it, I really prefer segregation to integration. I don't mean that in the way that it sounds (well, maybe; I haven't really figured out all my thoughts on most things yet), but rather I like same things together instead of all jumbled up. I suppose that sort of makes me somewhat suited to retail work and other organizational fields. Even if I'm off the clock, I still can't help but rearrange a rack of clothes that's noticeably jumbled up or pick up a bag that's lying on the ground. I even make a point of aiming the PIN pad pens in the same direction. Granted, I always convince myself not to take too much time doing any of these things because there are customers to deal with (unfortunately). Sure, I'm a racist because of this, but I don't actively harass people about it.
Damn, it's almost 5 AM. I really ought to get to bed. I know it's just a way to run away from having to mention the topics I've been avoiding seriously talking about. But really, most of those topics are things people would just find gross. Otherwise I'd be talking about masturbation as much as I constantly mention what happens at work. Really, who would be interested in hearing about me having trouble sleeping without jerking off first? Sure, I would, but that's mostly because I can relate to it. Which makes sense on account of I'm me. But still, most people reading this don't care about that crap, right?
Aside from stuff about bodily functions and whatnot, the main other reason for not discussing things I think about (though it stems from the same basic reason of me being embarrassed) is sometimes I think about stuff involving other people (surprising, I know) and I'm not really sure how other people might react to various assorted topics lying about. For example, the other night I was talking about IRC drama, and I made sure to not mention anyone by name. Aes clearly didn't mind being mentioned apparently, since she commented on the entry pointing out that it involved her. But still, just in case someone might get upset, it's easier to just let them remain anonymous unless they specifically request otherwise. Which is kinda surprising, considering that I don't like to keep secrets, especially if I'm not sure if I have to keep it a secret or not. Eh, I'll talk more about this in another post, I'm pretty much out of steam now.
One last parting thought: My favorite smell is that of my own feet. It is delicious.
EDIT: Oh yeah, and today I actually introduced myself to the drive thru girl after talking to her like four times. I was originally going to wait until next time so it'd be meeting number five (I like multiples of 3 and 5), but I noticed her nametag today, and I felt it only fair that if I know her name, she can know mine. I gotta say, she's really making me think I might want to wait a bit before I wait until I'm 24 to start thinking about dating. Now there's a convoluted sentence right there.
Come on, focus. What? Why am I feeling hungry? I ate a frickin bowl of salisbury steak soup AND a KFC bowl. Not a very tasty combination btw. Anyway. Forget that, okay, argh. I am very very tempted to turn David Cross off for a while cause he's always either shouting or mumbling and trying to get me to pay attention to him, but man it's getting warm again.
All right, for serious now. A lot of my posts haven't been as "stream of consciousness" style as I originally intended, on account of I am pretty aware that people read this, especially people I know and talk to on a regular basis. So either consciously or subconsciously I tend to censor what I type, even to the point of typing stuff out completely and then deleting the entire thing. For a little while, that was the only way I acted on the org. Speaking of which, for some reason I have a tendency to actively avoid mentioning the org if there's even a slight chance someone not "in the know" might read it and get confused or possibly offended? I think I actually try to hide the org and even AMVs in general from pretty much anyone who I didn't meet through amvs. Really, I have a tendency to segregate my hobbies and friends. Yet I also have an urge to combine them all. It's sort of a weird kind of dilemma that I notice in myself a lot. Well, maybe not. I mena, I do see myself wanting two opposite concepts, like wanting to be different but also wanting to be like everybody else, but the more I think of it, I really prefer segregation to integration. I don't mean that in the way that it sounds (well, maybe; I haven't really figured out all my thoughts on most things yet), but rather I like same things together instead of all jumbled up. I suppose that sort of makes me somewhat suited to retail work and other organizational fields. Even if I'm off the clock, I still can't help but rearrange a rack of clothes that's noticeably jumbled up or pick up a bag that's lying on the ground. I even make a point of aiming the PIN pad pens in the same direction. Granted, I always convince myself not to take too much time doing any of these things because there are customers to deal with (unfortunately). Sure, I'm a racist because of this, but I don't actively harass people about it.
Damn, it's almost 5 AM. I really ought to get to bed. I know it's just a way to run away from having to mention the topics I've been avoiding seriously talking about. But really, most of those topics are things people would just find gross. Otherwise I'd be talking about masturbation as much as I constantly mention what happens at work. Really, who would be interested in hearing about me having trouble sleeping without jerking off first? Sure, I would, but that's mostly because I can relate to it. Which makes sense on account of I'm me. But still, most people reading this don't care about that crap, right?
Aside from stuff about bodily functions and whatnot, the main other reason for not discussing things I think about (though it stems from the same basic reason of me being embarrassed) is sometimes I think about stuff involving other people (surprising, I know) and I'm not really sure how other people might react to various assorted topics lying about. For example, the other night I was talking about IRC drama, and I made sure to not mention anyone by name. Aes clearly didn't mind being mentioned apparently, since she commented on the entry pointing out that it involved her. But still, just in case someone might get upset, it's easier to just let them remain anonymous unless they specifically request otherwise. Which is kinda surprising, considering that I don't like to keep secrets, especially if I'm not sure if I have to keep it a secret or not. Eh, I'll talk more about this in another post, I'm pretty much out of steam now.
One last parting thought: My favorite smell is that of my own feet. It is delicious.
EDIT: Oh yeah, and today I actually introduced myself to the drive thru girl after talking to her like four times. I was originally going to wait until next time so it'd be meeting number five (I like multiples of 3 and 5), but I noticed her nametag today, and I felt it only fair that if I know her name, she can know mine. I gotta say, she's really making me think I might want to wait a bit before I wait until I'm 24 to start thinking about dating. Now there's a convoluted sentence right there.