Of all the things I thought I'd be doing today, I didn't think that I would have to decide whether my genitals look more like a flower or a cactus.

To get to the bathrooms in this particular restaurant, one must walk away from the main seating area, up a corridor and in to a little foyer. There are two doors - one for women, and one for men. On one ( Read more... )

"Who was it that called you today?"

"Oh, just someone from the theatre."

"Would I know her?"

"Mmm, maybe. Dark hair, amazing singing voice...kind of chubby?"

"Oh yes! Yes, I do know her. Funny, she didn't sound chubby on the phone."

"She didn't sound chubby?"

"You know how some people just sound overweight?"

"Uh, I guess. Do I sound overweight?"

"No, you ( Read more... )

You guys, I'm totally right in the middle of something at the moment but I am being put through the soul-wrenching horror of hearing my brother speak and I had to tell someone how much it irritates me ( Read more... )

Having never lost someone before, I am new to the whole 'hey, your grandmother died, let's plan a funeral' experience. I will tell you one thing though- my family may be quite sad at the moment, but wow, we are very efficient funeral planners. My father went up to his sister's house on Tuesday and they had a whole funeral planned within the day. A ( Read more... )

"You should see your Aunt."

"Why?"

"She's dyed her hair blonde."

"And?"

"It was a really bad dye job. Her hair's all brittle now - like straw. It's breaking off and falling out so much that I actually asked her if she had had her hair cut as well."

"Oh no."

"Yep. Ever since she went on that weight-loss kick she's been dressing like a twenty-year-old and ( Read more... )

Recently over here, there have been a lot of instances of elderly people dying in their homes, alone, only to be discovered months later by concerned relatives or neighbours who perhaps hadn't had the time to pop in earlier. Our government is either talking about introducing a program, or has introduced a program, that encourages neighbours to keep ( Read more... )

I have named my rats. The ginger (argente) boy is Elroy, and the white (dove) boy is Wordsworth. I was this close to calling them Percy and Lucius, but decided against it. Oscar and Bosie were two names that were also in the running, as were Zidler and Cartier.

In other news, my mother is apparently very interested in seeing Brokeback Mountain. I' ( Read more... )

I got a phonecall on Friday night from one of my cousins on my father's side of the family to tell me that my Aunt (my father's sister) had suffered a heart attack. For those of you playing along at home, this is neither my Tarty Auntie, my Aunt With No Personality, or Trashy Sluttington's mother; it's my Quite Religious Aunt who lives in what I ( Read more... )

I went out this evening, to my mother's boss's engagement party. I'll spare you the angsty details, but in short I didn't feel like going because I was ill (headache), tired (I have a new student in my class - she can't read) and knew no-one there aside from my mother's boss, who employed me breifly a year or so ago to design a website for him that ( Read more... )

If you've ever seen the film adaption of Bridget Jones' Diary, you'll recall the scene in which Mark Darcy and Daniel Cleaver have a fight in a restaurant. Halfway through their fisticuffs, a waiter enters with a birthday cake and everyone sings Happy Birthday to the recipient, with Mark Darcy mumbling his way through the song to much comedic ( Read more... )