Raiders of the Lost Franchise
Soooo....I just saw the new Indiana Jones flick with one coyotessmile. We saw it so YOU DON"T HAVE TO. Seriously, it was that disappointing. I would saw that this almost rivals the "you ruined my childhood" disappointment that I suffered when The Phantom Menace was released in theaters. This is the warning I offer you: this moive can and will diminish the original three movies for you!
I will avoid any overt spoilers, partially to keep myself from ranting and partially so that you will have as little exposure to the plot as possible.
The Good:
- The subtle connections between "Mutt" and Indiana Jones (Greaser hair=hat/sword=whip, etc)
- Making connections between old Indy and his father (similar lines and mannerisms)
- Kate Blanchett is always hot. Give her a Russian accent and you pretty much own me.
- Chuck "banking" old Indy in the decontamination shower.
- The chase scenes were pretty true to form.
- The references to the 1950's were kinda cool. Although I expected more from the dude who directed American Graffiti.
The Bad:
- Shia Labooof (I don't even care enough to google how to spell it). I just can't get into him playing any role. Hes just not good. However, he was not the worst part. I know...that was almost a compliment and I am sorry, Chucko.
- Several parts of the movie were just sort of stupid. The thing with the refrigerator and the ant's human pyramid come to mind.
- Indy cooperating with the bad guys WAY TOO MUCH. like, all the friggin' time. In every scene. Indy generally requires a lot of punching and torturing or threats against innocents to make this happen. And even then, it was always a ruse. It kinda demeaned his badassery.
- The plot. It was bad. I refuse to get into details. It started off ooookay but by the end it was butts.
-The romance. It was kinda forced and not really developed at all. It rested on the laurels of Raiders.
- The ending. It was not so great. See romance and denouement.
The Ugly: (this would be a lot longer with spoilers)
- Some one seriously needs to take away George Lucas's fucking CGI!! It is like giving a ten year old a loaded handgun. And seriously Stephen Spielburg, you should fucking know better!
- The denouement of the story was anticlimactic, stupid and heavyhanded in it't delivery. I'm not going to get into details.
- This movie strips away the wonder and subtlety of the originals in George Lucas's trademark heavy handed and bumbling storytellling style. This will turn into a standard interwubble rant if I get into specifics.
I warn you again against seeing this movie. Hold the original three close to your heart where they will remain unsoiled and pure. Then run. Run and never look back because GL is comming for you and those movies. ANd if he finds you, he is going to take them and drop a big CGI deuce on them.
I will avoid any overt spoilers, partially to keep myself from ranting and partially so that you will have as little exposure to the plot as possible.
The Good:
- The subtle connections between "Mutt" and Indiana Jones (Greaser hair=hat/sword=whip, etc)
- Making connections between old Indy and his father (similar lines and mannerisms)
- Kate Blanchett is always hot. Give her a Russian accent and you pretty much own me.
- Chuck "banking" old Indy in the decontamination shower.
- The chase scenes were pretty true to form.
- The references to the 1950's were kinda cool. Although I expected more from the dude who directed American Graffiti.
The Bad:
- Shia Labooof (I don't even care enough to google how to spell it). I just can't get into him playing any role. Hes just not good. However, he was not the worst part. I know...that was almost a compliment and I am sorry, Chucko.
- Several parts of the movie were just sort of stupid. The thing with the refrigerator and the ant's human pyramid come to mind.
- Indy cooperating with the bad guys WAY TOO MUCH. like, all the friggin' time. In every scene. Indy generally requires a lot of punching and torturing or threats against innocents to make this happen. And even then, it was always a ruse. It kinda demeaned his badassery.
- The plot. It was bad. I refuse to get into details. It started off ooookay but by the end it was butts.
-The romance. It was kinda forced and not really developed at all. It rested on the laurels of Raiders.
- The ending. It was not so great. See romance and denouement.
The Ugly: (this would be a lot longer with spoilers)
- Some one seriously needs to take away George Lucas's fucking CGI!! It is like giving a ten year old a loaded handgun. And seriously Stephen Spielburg, you should fucking know better!
- The denouement of the story was anticlimactic, stupid and heavyhanded in it't delivery. I'm not going to get into details.
- This movie strips away the wonder and subtlety of the originals in George Lucas's trademark heavy handed and bumbling storytellling style. This will turn into a standard interwubble rant if I get into specifics.
I warn you again against seeing this movie. Hold the original three close to your heart where they will remain unsoiled and pure. Then run. Run and never look back because GL is comming for you and those movies. ANd if he finds you, he is going to take them and drop a big CGI deuce on them.