Human; i think.
Takin Out The Trash.....
Life
(PRELUDE)
It's strange to see myself fight with my own demons. I dont get to talk about my problems to people for many reasons. Yet, at my own pace and process unbeknownst to anyone around me while i do it, I do move through my issues as often as they come at me. Sometimes the work load does back up and I go through my temporary funk periods, but I think it's just frustration at the amount I need to deal with at the time, that my mood is actually interpreting. What has always intrigued me though, has been how I can put all I am working through on pause as soon as someone needs me to help them with something they simply cant carry the burdon of alone anymore........
It comes without warning sometimes. Other times you can feel it coming for months.....
It's an extremely dark cloud. Not like anything you've ever seen in the sky. This is too black to be Nature. It has a girth undefinable as it ongulates toward you. It's thickness slightly resembles an oily consistancy of pure self loathing. Pulsing accumulations of doubt and negativity swarm inside this uninvited mass of thought creating lightning flashes of fear & hopelessness. It destructively batters you with a deceitful language. To make matters just that much worse, it's voice sounds just like yours.
You never saw it coming......
Your new friend has no body for others to see as it travels with you everywhere. The only resemblance to a face it has is what it's done to yours since you first started listening to it. The more it talks, the more you lose grips with what's important, with what's available, with what's worth appreciating, with what's worth fighting for, & innevitably with what's wrong. It throws you into a dark mass of water surrounded by all the things going on in your life (positive & Negative) & without ever teaching you how to swim through water this thick it gives you one arm floaty to hang on to and ties a piano to your ankle. From the back of a yacht it laughs at you while sreaming, "Good Luck Bitch!"....In all honesty you didnt even realize it was there. It Con'd you so well that you thought life really was just this bad.
It weighs a ton....
But I watch you struggle to even get up. I watch your social behavior stray from what i love about you. Watch as you let the pressure of everything stack on you. You dont talk about it because you dont know what you would say.
It takes up alot of room and as far as i'm concerned, you dont have room for it. It's latched on so tightly, interwined with your own insecurities it feeds on, that it wouldnt even let you cry.......
I'm not diggin' this fuck at all, and since it has you to the point that you definitely cant do anything but live with it, I'm Taking the innitiative.
At first, I'm gonna look like an asshole, because i have to poke at you. I have say things with the intent to make you feel like shit. It get's you sensitive, It opens up emotions that are negative. These same emotions are what gets it to let go for a minute because now you have a face to face, undeniably legitamate conflict to deal with. A pure distraction from hearing it's voice at all. I'm scary enough.
Then once you're teary eyed from what i've said and i can see you starting to add this confrontaion to that list it's givin you of negative things happening in life rite now, Thats when i boost your ego. Thats when i say subdtly enough, all the easy compliments you could deny up and down. I show you that you're worth my time. I show you that you're important enough to care about, so there for you're important.
And rite when you cant hear anymore, or you're gonna sream. Rite when you take your head in your arms to shun me away. It is inside you at the weakest point. It can con you to yourself easily, but it cant keep a hold on you anywhere near as strong as it has when it's trying to denounce my barrage of true compliments. My arsenal of words describing your awesomeness. Rite at this point, i grab you and hold you tightly my friend.
Wether you believe it or not, everything has an energy. You do. I do.....It does. It was too heavy for you, but it made you believe you wanted to hold onto it. I made you understand how much you dont need to.
I ask you to finally give in & just give it to me. It pours out of you almost immediately. You cry that long pain extinguishing cry. sobbing like you havent in years, because that's what it's voice actually sounds like. If you'd have known that when it arrived you'd have told it to piss off yourself.
I told you, "it doesnt belong to you anymore.....just give it to me. I can carry it. I can take it", and once you gave it to me i told you, "it's mine now". You tried holding onto a peice. I said, "just let it go. It's mine now, and i wont give it back. It's not yours anymore".
and just like that, it was gone....
Remember my words, dont go lookin for it cuz you're not gonna find it. It's mine now, and i wouldnt leave it out somewhere you could find it. I took care of it, and its gone now.
Now go take on you're life the way you're supposed to....
Things are really looking good for me. I find my self at peace. Billy is living with me--long story in it's self. Kala has become such an important person in my life--things are just good. I even lost 30lbs. My friends, no my family are the foundation in whitch i live my life based on--with out them i'd be nothing.
The End.
Life
(PRELUDE)
It's strange to see myself fight with my own demons. I dont get to talk about my problems to people for many reasons. Yet, at my own pace and process unbeknownst to anyone around me while i do it, I do move through my issues as often as they come at me. Sometimes the work load does back up and I go through my temporary funk periods, but I think it's just frustration at the amount I need to deal with at the time, that my mood is actually interpreting. What has always intrigued me though, has been how I can put all I am working through on pause as soon as someone needs me to help them with something they simply cant carry the burdon of alone anymore........
It comes without warning sometimes. Other times you can feel it coming for months.....
It's an extremely dark cloud. Not like anything you've ever seen in the sky. This is too black to be Nature. It has a girth undefinable as it ongulates toward you. It's thickness slightly resembles an oily consistancy of pure self loathing. Pulsing accumulations of doubt and negativity swarm inside this uninvited mass of thought creating lightning flashes of fear & hopelessness. It destructively batters you with a deceitful language. To make matters just that much worse, it's voice sounds just like yours.
You never saw it coming......
Your new friend has no body for others to see as it travels with you everywhere. The only resemblance to a face it has is what it's done to yours since you first started listening to it. The more it talks, the more you lose grips with what's important, with what's available, with what's worth appreciating, with what's worth fighting for, & innevitably with what's wrong. It throws you into a dark mass of water surrounded by all the things going on in your life (positive & Negative) & without ever teaching you how to swim through water this thick it gives you one arm floaty to hang on to and ties a piano to your ankle. From the back of a yacht it laughs at you while sreaming, "Good Luck Bitch!"....In all honesty you didnt even realize it was there. It Con'd you so well that you thought life really was just this bad.
It weighs a ton....
But I watch you struggle to even get up. I watch your social behavior stray from what i love about you. Watch as you let the pressure of everything stack on you. You dont talk about it because you dont know what you would say.
It takes up alot of room and as far as i'm concerned, you dont have room for it. It's latched on so tightly, interwined with your own insecurities it feeds on, that it wouldnt even let you cry.......
I'm not diggin' this fuck at all, and since it has you to the point that you definitely cant do anything but live with it, I'm Taking the innitiative.
At first, I'm gonna look like an asshole, because i have to poke at you. I have say things with the intent to make you feel like shit. It get's you sensitive, It opens up emotions that are negative. These same emotions are what gets it to let go for a minute because now you have a face to face, undeniably legitamate conflict to deal with. A pure distraction from hearing it's voice at all. I'm scary enough.
Then once you're teary eyed from what i've said and i can see you starting to add this confrontaion to that list it's givin you of negative things happening in life rite now, Thats when i boost your ego. Thats when i say subdtly enough, all the easy compliments you could deny up and down. I show you that you're worth my time. I show you that you're important enough to care about, so there for you're important.
And rite when you cant hear anymore, or you're gonna sream. Rite when you take your head in your arms to shun me away. It is inside you at the weakest point. It can con you to yourself easily, but it cant keep a hold on you anywhere near as strong as it has when it's trying to denounce my barrage of true compliments. My arsenal of words describing your awesomeness. Rite at this point, i grab you and hold you tightly my friend.
Wether you believe it or not, everything has an energy. You do. I do.....It does. It was too heavy for you, but it made you believe you wanted to hold onto it. I made you understand how much you dont need to.
I ask you to finally give in & just give it to me. It pours out of you almost immediately. You cry that long pain extinguishing cry. sobbing like you havent in years, because that's what it's voice actually sounds like. If you'd have known that when it arrived you'd have told it to piss off yourself.
I told you, "it doesnt belong to you anymore.....just give it to me. I can carry it. I can take it", and once you gave it to me i told you, "it's mine now". You tried holding onto a peice. I said, "just let it go. It's mine now, and i wont give it back. It's not yours anymore".
and just like that, it was gone....
Remember my words, dont go lookin for it cuz you're not gonna find it. It's mine now, and i wouldnt leave it out somewhere you could find it. I took care of it, and its gone now.
Now go take on you're life the way you're supposed to....
Things are really looking good for me. I find my self at peace. Billy is living with me--long story in it's self. Kala has become such an important person in my life--things are just good. I even lost 30lbs. My friends, no my family are the foundation in whitch i live my life based on--with out them i'd be nothing.
The End.