Dont even read this.
I really hate how everything has tohave a counter part. Like; its like life is one big contradiction. Last night i had the worse brake up with out even having a boyfriend. I met a boy his name is Billy; were both really fucked up in the head due to old exspirances and shit but we get along amazing and hang out everyday since the day we met... last night found our selves at the point where were both obviously getting attached and neither he and I want to hurt one another...
Now this leaves me with ok-- i can pressue him to be my boyfriend (witch i dont even think i want) And hes POSITIVE hes going to hurt me. Hes "psycho". Not like normal boyfriend shit either hes lived one of thoses unexplainble lives; like how could anyone one hurt someone like him. His biggest issue is he scsred of loosing me forever AND hurting me.
Now there is always option b-- We act as though nothing ever happened, we dont hold hands, we dont care about each other, we stop all the things that we are doing as a "couple". It avoids all hurting aspects i guess, BUT the damage is done we fell..fast..and hard apparently i didnt even relize it till last nite. We sleep at each others house every day, and i dont want to loose that because were scared of where our emotions are going to take us..but yet i am. SEE always a fucking counter arguement. This is literally me sitting here going thru the thughts in my head.. no thought behind them what so ever; pay no attention. I think i like Billy but i dont know.. i dont want to be hurt anymore. ive bin at his house all day talking to his sister about shit.. she wants us togeather but doesnt want psycho billy to hurt me.. now mind u i dont know psycho billy ive heard stories but the reason for him being where he is is to better his life.. so im met a new and improving billy...i dont know. i really dont... its going to be another full nite of talking and emotional bullshit that i dont want to deal with.. i STay single to avoide this and some how i ended up back where i said i never wanted to be....
But i guess im trying to find comfort and happiness i this this whole situation is driving me nuts for the simple fact that it was so simple and enjoable and i dreaded the day we neeed to "figure out what we are". Lables are a crock of shit. I think im going to just lay shit out the way i truely feel (the good the bad and the ugly) and tell him i want to enjoy him for the day to day.. and not for the what ifs and omgs. I dont want to loose him either... its kind of funny he fell asleep last nite upset and certain that he was never going to see me again ever... and im here waiting for him to get off of work.... who knows whats going to happen over night.. at least after ranmbaling all this shit even if it doesnt make sence I now know i walk away from the situation happy to know it was good while it was good and if we do go our seprate ways and thats the only way for us to prevent "hurt" at least i wont hafta go thru what joey and I did..MUMBO jumbo i know.
Now this leaves me with ok-- i can pressue him to be my boyfriend (witch i dont even think i want) And hes POSITIVE hes going to hurt me. Hes "psycho". Not like normal boyfriend shit either hes lived one of thoses unexplainble lives; like how could anyone one hurt someone like him. His biggest issue is he scsred of loosing me forever AND hurting me.
Now there is always option b-- We act as though nothing ever happened, we dont hold hands, we dont care about each other, we stop all the things that we are doing as a "couple". It avoids all hurting aspects i guess, BUT the damage is done we fell..fast..and hard apparently i didnt even relize it till last nite. We sleep at each others house every day, and i dont want to loose that because were scared of where our emotions are going to take us..but yet i am. SEE always a fucking counter arguement. This is literally me sitting here going thru the thughts in my head.. no thought behind them what so ever; pay no attention. I think i like Billy but i dont know.. i dont want to be hurt anymore. ive bin at his house all day talking to his sister about shit.. she wants us togeather but doesnt want psycho billy to hurt me.. now mind u i dont know psycho billy ive heard stories but the reason for him being where he is is to better his life.. so im met a new and improving billy...i dont know. i really dont... its going to be another full nite of talking and emotional bullshit that i dont want to deal with.. i STay single to avoide this and some how i ended up back where i said i never wanted to be....
But i guess im trying to find comfort and happiness i this this whole situation is driving me nuts for the simple fact that it was so simple and enjoable and i dreaded the day we neeed to "figure out what we are". Lables are a crock of shit. I think im going to just lay shit out the way i truely feel (the good the bad and the ugly) and tell him i want to enjoy him for the day to day.. and not for the what ifs and omgs. I dont want to loose him either... its kind of funny he fell asleep last nite upset and certain that he was never going to see me again ever... and im here waiting for him to get off of work.... who knows whats going to happen over night.. at least after ranmbaling all this shit even if it doesnt make sence I now know i walk away from the situation happy to know it was good while it was good and if we do go our seprate ways and thats the only way for us to prevent "hurt" at least i wont hafta go thru what joey and I did..MUMBO jumbo i know.