Everybody fends for themselves.
Everybody fends for themselves.
I think one of the greatest reasonings on why I can't be in relationships or even possibly thinking about being with any man is solely based upon the career choices I'm making in my life.
Ideally, I used to think that I could play around for a few years, fall in love and then ultimately pursue my career in working with great apes. Last night, I applied for several internships in Africa, Massachussets, Southern California, Hawaii and in Louisiana. All of these internships would allow me to do field research. The more that I think about it, love and companionship ultimately does not fit in and if it did, it'd be quite selfish. I used to think that my future involved marriage and gorillas, that some man would be cool enough to wait for me to finish school, conduct my research and he'd wait for me on holidays... but the more I think about it in a logical sense... I see that my future must and only has to deal with great apes and myself.
I think people get depressed and confuse their emotions with useless feelings of self worth and loneliness, when really, I believe that people truly get depressed because they aren't contributing to the world or serving their greater purpose. How can one get fulfillment from petty restaurant jobs, mediocre desk jobs? I am guilty of all of the above. I drink, I abuse my body with substances and I never used to understand why... but I think it's because I know that I'm not living with my utmost potential.
I am a genius, I may have adhd and act socially retarded at times but I have these great plans and these great plans can't involve men. My name is Bre... and I LOVE men. It is the one thing in life that has always gotten me in trouble. I chose to lose focus when involved with men, I lose sight of things that are so important to me... and when I don't have men in my life... I create, I do incredible things. I think clearly... they're kind of like a drug, not to all of you... but for me. I think it's incredibly when people can balance the two, art, creation... existence and love.
I think I finally get it. I can not pursue said relationships and at the same time balance that with my career. I'd always be out in the field, and no man wants that.... there is no hope for faithfulness. That's ok though, because I think I can truly be happy with my work.
God, I want a job that I can wake up to everyday and say... "I can not wait to make a difference." But it's only enough for one of the two. Man, I love teaching... but I wish I loved teaching as much as I love love love... working with gorillas... because if I were a teacher, I could come home at night and have weekends and summers off. Love is all about convenience really, I think... for me and if you don't have time... you have to choose.
I think one of the greatest reasonings on why I can't be in relationships or even possibly thinking about being with any man is solely based upon the career choices I'm making in my life.
Ideally, I used to think that I could play around for a few years, fall in love and then ultimately pursue my career in working with great apes. Last night, I applied for several internships in Africa, Massachussets, Southern California, Hawaii and in Louisiana. All of these internships would allow me to do field research. The more that I think about it, love and companionship ultimately does not fit in and if it did, it'd be quite selfish. I used to think that my future involved marriage and gorillas, that some man would be cool enough to wait for me to finish school, conduct my research and he'd wait for me on holidays... but the more I think about it in a logical sense... I see that my future must and only has to deal with great apes and myself.
I think people get depressed and confuse their emotions with useless feelings of self worth and loneliness, when really, I believe that people truly get depressed because they aren't contributing to the world or serving their greater purpose. How can one get fulfillment from petty restaurant jobs, mediocre desk jobs? I am guilty of all of the above. I drink, I abuse my body with substances and I never used to understand why... but I think it's because I know that I'm not living with my utmost potential.
I am a genius, I may have adhd and act socially retarded at times but I have these great plans and these great plans can't involve men. My name is Bre... and I LOVE men. It is the one thing in life that has always gotten me in trouble. I chose to lose focus when involved with men, I lose sight of things that are so important to me... and when I don't have men in my life... I create, I do incredible things. I think clearly... they're kind of like a drug, not to all of you... but for me. I think it's incredibly when people can balance the two, art, creation... existence and love.
I think I finally get it. I can not pursue said relationships and at the same time balance that with my career. I'd always be out in the field, and no man wants that.... there is no hope for faithfulness. That's ok though, because I think I can truly be happy with my work.
God, I want a job that I can wake up to everyday and say... "I can not wait to make a difference." But it's only enough for one of the two. Man, I love teaching... but I wish I loved teaching as much as I love love love... working with gorillas... because if I were a teacher, I could come home at night and have weekends and summers off. Love is all about convenience really, I think... for me and if you don't have time... you have to choose.