Now ain't that just like me
Was emailling with someone that although I love dearly, does not have much information on me, past or present, really. We just never have time for such. She asked about things in the moment, and it was January 10th, and thus one of the things I mentioned was David Bowie. She emailled back, requesting information regarding my connection to him, why his leaving us hurts me so damn much, and how I am different for it. Posting my response here for myself for various reasons.
As for my connection to David Bowie, it's never been something I've truly picked apart, so I do not know that I can explain it in any way that makes sense to people outside of my head, but of course will try, as that should be fun. Will try to keep as brief as I can.
I lived a fairly sheltered [evangelical] life growing up, and at, iirc, 15 I went to visit my internet-fiancee [ugh, the things children do] in Canada, and he was shocked to learn I had never seen Labyrinth [we watched movies from the 40-60s in our house for the most part, rarely anything modern]. We watched it, a fun enough movie if a bit silly in some parts, but I was very struck with David Bowie, in a way that I, in the next 3-5 years, came to recognize as some kind of Ping of recognition or parts of myself I did not at that point give any rein to [see above, keeping peace in a very conservative household] saying "Oh hey, this is important to you, pay attention, and research further." So upon my return to Houston (where i grew up), I did research David Bowie, and it became something of an obsession. I read anything I could get my paws on, downloaded [RIP Napster] every thing I could find [I especially love the energy of live music], spent any money I made on more, etc. My harddrives from that time have sadly died, but I had a vast collection of information.
He's been a creative, cultural, and life-path touchstone and lodestone for the entirety of my life. When I left home and moved to NYC, it was in many ways because of him. The first time I visited NYC was the weekend after 9/11/01. I'd already had tickets to fly in, take a bus, and see Gail Ann Dorsey perform in Woodstock (she's an amazing musician (and person, judging by the small amounts of time I've been able to spend with her in passing throughout the years), singer, songwriter, bassist who I was introduced to through his music), and of course did not wish to cancel that just because of a terrorism attack.
And moving to NYC, in a nutshell, is where I met Mark, and then others like Helen and Geoffrey and Summer and Ashran, and for better or for worse, that's all lead to moving out to Berkeley Springs. He's always been a light; a source of joy, passion, and inspiration.
To alter your question a tiny bit, without him my life would be completely different, spent in different locales [likely China, as that was my goal beforehand--though who knows if that would have changed as I grew, but perhaps not, as I can be stubborn and fixated :P], with different people, and different values. It's impossible to say, of course, but it was a huge shift in my road.
To stop avoiding the actual question: it's hard to say how my life or myself has been different since he's left us. It occurred right after Tequa [our cat] died, and also Helen [the matriarch of our friend group, and one of the main factors in moving out here]. Nothing occurs within a vacuum. Would I be so sad, so devastated, so depressed if only David Bowie passed away, and the fate of the country [and the world/planet] were not so comically ridiculously awful right now? Perhaps not. But I can't really separate the occurrences, as they all were so close upon each other, and so overshadow and inform everything else, through my eyes.
This entry was originally posted at http://kailing.dreamwidth.org/8946.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
As for my connection to David Bowie, it's never been something I've truly picked apart, so I do not know that I can explain it in any way that makes sense to people outside of my head, but of course will try, as that should be fun. Will try to keep as brief as I can.
I lived a fairly sheltered [evangelical] life growing up, and at, iirc, 15 I went to visit my internet-fiancee [ugh, the things children do] in Canada, and he was shocked to learn I had never seen Labyrinth [we watched movies from the 40-60s in our house for the most part, rarely anything modern]. We watched it, a fun enough movie if a bit silly in some parts, but I was very struck with David Bowie, in a way that I, in the next 3-5 years, came to recognize as some kind of Ping of recognition or parts of myself I did not at that point give any rein to [see above, keeping peace in a very conservative household] saying "Oh hey, this is important to you, pay attention, and research further." So upon my return to Houston (where i grew up), I did research David Bowie, and it became something of an obsession. I read anything I could get my paws on, downloaded [RIP Napster] every thing I could find [I especially love the energy of live music], spent any money I made on more, etc. My harddrives from that time have sadly died, but I had a vast collection of information.
He's been a creative, cultural, and life-path touchstone and lodestone for the entirety of my life. When I left home and moved to NYC, it was in many ways because of him. The first time I visited NYC was the weekend after 9/11/01. I'd already had tickets to fly in, take a bus, and see Gail Ann Dorsey perform in Woodstock (she's an amazing musician (and person, judging by the small amounts of time I've been able to spend with her in passing throughout the years), singer, songwriter, bassist who I was introduced to through his music), and of course did not wish to cancel that just because of a terrorism attack.
And moving to NYC, in a nutshell, is where I met Mark, and then others like Helen and Geoffrey and Summer and Ashran, and for better or for worse, that's all lead to moving out to Berkeley Springs. He's always been a light; a source of joy, passion, and inspiration.
To alter your question a tiny bit, without him my life would be completely different, spent in different locales [likely China, as that was my goal beforehand--though who knows if that would have changed as I grew, but perhaps not, as I can be stubborn and fixated :P], with different people, and different values. It's impossible to say, of course, but it was a huge shift in my road.
To stop avoiding the actual question: it's hard to say how my life or myself has been different since he's left us. It occurred right after Tequa [our cat] died, and also Helen [the matriarch of our friend group, and one of the main factors in moving out here]. Nothing occurs within a vacuum. Would I be so sad, so devastated, so depressed if only David Bowie passed away, and the fate of the country [and the world/planet] were not so comically ridiculously awful right now? Perhaps not. But I can't really separate the occurrences, as they all were so close upon each other, and so overshadow and inform everything else, through my eyes.
This entry was originally posted at http://kailing.dreamwidth.org/8946.html. Please comment there using OpenID.