today :)
So I'm reading Eat Pray Love and its touching me in ways I never expected ( almost as much as the Harry Potter series... Yep its serious!) And I'm starting to question every aspect of my life. I'm longer writing this for anyone else to read (which obviously I don't care if you do read seeing as its not private). I've had an emotional overhaul while in disney and as the experience is coming to a close I'm glad I've been through what I've been through. Ninja left me. For the most part I'm not angry. I'd be a liar if I said I never was. I get it, his reasons make sense to me even if it still doesn't feel real. I feel like I knew this would happen and just wouldn't admit it to myself. So just like Liz in epl, "I dove out of my marriage and into davids arms" though I do regret to admit I dove into someone elses arms well before my relationship was officially over ( though still in the terms of my open relationship). That helped until it didn't anymorre. No other way too put it. I think I'm okay with that too. This person was never someone I could imagine marrying one day something which isn't true about ninja, but I did and do have feelings for him. His personality is completely different than ninja, the bad boy I always wanted. Ill admit I loved when he was a jerk, however, I don't love when he is a jerk too me. So I've decided to resolve this as his way of smashing whatever feelings he may have developed for me. The way mr. Boyle had explained to us in senior year " you and you're parents will fight more than you ever had. Its both of your ways of easing the pain of seperation." I paraphrased of course, but if he decides not to see me ill be understanding not disappointed. I've also decided, I will feel whatever emotions I want to. One of the last big fights I had with Ninja was when I was really upset about everyone disliking me for working hard. His response was the typical relax, calm down, don't work so hard. Even Kriston grew weary of my days of self pity. But I'm human. If I want to feel anger sadness joy I should and will. Though I will start to handle it better. I'm gonna share it here. Not burden anyone else with it. So that's it for now. More soon.