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[anderling]

In the previous post's comments, ice_cold_soda and I briefly got our knickers in a twist over the fact that no one seems to write good child!Nobody fic because that premise would be outright terrifying in the right hands and we would read the hell out of that.
Since I had a day off yesterday, I decided to go and see if I could find a fic with that.

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[ice_cold_soda]

I should really be studying for a final right now, but... meh.

By the homicidal space gods. I'm only on the fourth chapter, and I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry. I desperately hope that English is not this person's first language, because... wow. It feels like I'm reading a Gloria Tesch novel. (And yes, I know it's weird for that to be the first thing to complain about, but I'm an editor. I can't turn it off.)

Person-who-is-apparently-19, that is not how Nobodies work. That is not how the Kingdom Hearts timeline works. That is not how a sequel works. That is not how punctuation works. And if I see another mention of a starry sky, I'm going to punch a baby.

Though I will admit, the thought of Axel calling Vexen "nii-chan" fills me with shameful giggles.

I'll write more on this later. Till then, Evil Goofy will haunt me while I'm supposed to be describing the metabolic process.

[anderling]

I swear this person just wrote down the words, filled a shotgun with pellets of ellipses, punctuation and capitalisation and fired at random. (I'm afraid I don't know Gloria Tesch, but this thing sits in the middle of Stephenie Meyer and LaVerne Ross - all the stupid and fail!punctuation but no funny.)

The starry sky consistently shows up every chapter because why the hell not, let's annoy the "readership" some more. I swear the starry night sky is in it more than Roxas, who is mentioned like five times before chapter twelve (he has that one all to himself and Axel).

The one redeeming quality of this thing summed up in a single sentence. XD

Goooood luck with that. I swear Evil Goofy somehow glued himself to my brain.

[ice_cold_soda]

Okay. On chapter six now, and I feel the need to record my thoughts.

Points to the author for using a Disney character, especially one as awesome as Maleficent. Points retracted for her actions. I like to think that she's just leading them into her lair to use them for her own gain, but I have the slightest feeling that I am not going to get my wish.

Where exactly are they right now? I got the feeling they were in Radiant Garden or some Dumbo-based world, but then they mention parts of Twilight Town. Um, author? You can't have those starry night skies you seem to love so much in Twilight Town. It's stuck in permanent twilight.And what kind of thug harasses two kids with a baby? Especially over their hair? This is partially a Squenix game. You can't go into one of those without expecting some truly bizarre hair. I hardly think this is the first time they've seen anything like it

[anderling]

Maleficent is in no way whatsoever important to the plot past chapter six. I think I'd feel slightly less offended if she at least did something other than just... sit there.

The weird crackbaby of Twilight Town, Traverse Town, Radiant Garden and the Circus, I suppose. Mention is made of the city of whatever having districts, so I think they were aiming for Traverse Town and missed horribly.

Compared to some of the other games out there, Organisation XIII has relatively tame hair, so damned if I know why the random thugs picked on them.

...that is so much fail just in that description. Dear lord.
I... I kindof want to go pick up one of those books now.

[ice_cold_soda]

Disney!nerd rage rising.

Apparently. Not!Marluxia said "The Station is so far away from the beach." I don't even know what the hell.

I'd like to see how those thugs would react to Seymour. That would not end well.

Oh, it gets better. On youtube, there was a handful of people that poked fun at her and her godawful book trailer. (Look it up. Trust me.) The Tesches threatened to sue, so now most of the videos have been taken down. One user, swankivy, reuploaded her video with a long message at the beginning calling them out on it. It was wonderful.

I don't recommend buying it from their website. It's hideously overpriced, and the thought of Tesch actually getting some money out of that abomination makes me feel a little queasy. There's probably some used copies floating around.

Also, go to Amazon and read the product reviews for a laugh.

[anderling]

It's actually worse than when they just ignore the Disney characters altogether because if they use them and then forget about them it's like "Yay, they used my favourite character from [movie]!" and then they take that away from you because they hate your guts. Kinda. Anyway.

That suggests Twilight Town again (Roxas clearly believed they could go to the beach from Twilight Town, even though DiZ and Riku thought otherwise), but then the circus and the night sky and the... *Sighs, rubs temples.*

I sat down and watched swankivy's video. A little bit of my soul died listening to that. I have no words for the sheer "...wtf? D:" there. I can't seem to find the right words that fully expresses the brain-flatline what-did-I-just-read I'm in right now... so have some Disney instead, which is what my brain seems to default to.

[risingdreams]

Unfortunately, at least where are live, that's pretty much how thicker paperback books cost. Hell, that's why I have yet to buy Song of Ice and Fire. *Runs away*

But I don't mind spending that on good books (like Song of Ice and Fire) but I would never, ever buy this Maradonia series.

[anderling]

I live near a mall, and the cookstores are always trying to out-cheap each other with sales and stuff. I never mentioned the three books would be books I'd like to read or, well, good. XD

Anyway, yeah, I'd spend that money on stuff that's actually good instead of stuff I'd like to read for the sheer "lolwhut?". Unfortunately, it's usually just as expensive. Publishers, why?