(no subject)
In the previous post's comments, ice_cold_soda and I briefly got our knickers in a twist over the fact that no one seems to write good child!Nobody fic because that premise would be outright terrifying in the right hands and we would read the hell out of that.
Since I had a day off yesterday, I decided to go and see if I could find a fic with that.
I did find child-fic, though not Nobody!child-fic
Unfortunately, it wasn't goodfic.
I am going to quote the first bit of that fic now. It's up to you to guess who spoke those lines. If you can guess it right away and not feel your brain try to crawl out of your ears trying to reconcile the mental images, my hat's off to you.
"Okay gang, line up!", said the chief, standing on a big wooden crate. "Last time, we didnt stole much thing and our little bros didn't got much to eat... But hey, we have a new chance now! The circus is making a great big show today and..."
Get it yet?
That was actually Xemnas.
Yes, Xemnas.
This fic is just so... stupid beyond any kind of measure.
The characters all caught a dreadful case of Fanbrat Japanese. The author suffers from additional Random Ellipses Syndrome.
Larxene is a boy now (even though Marluxia, who I'm guessing is four years old and quite a bit younger than Larxene, addresses "him" as a girl). But only for the first few chapters, since she snaps "Do I look like a boy to you?" later. Even though Xemnas and Zexion apparently told her to pretend she was a boy because otherwise there would be "resistance" from the rest. Although the others knew anyway because Marluxia told everyone about it the day she joined. ...'kay.
Evil Goofy. I just... whut?
Sephiroth sells tickets to the circus. Maleficent is a kind old fortuneteller who helps the kids not get caught. The eeevulz circus master is Ansem (as in, Ansem-The-Wise Ansem).
"Epilogue". You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Possibly the stupidest of all, the terrible attempts at BAWW ANGSTY PASTS. I think I like Axel and Saïx's best. Most of them ran away from home or orphanages, but Axel got lost in a crowd and Saïx went to look for him.
The deus ex machina ending is the most ridiculous of all, though. I'm not spoiling it for you, mostly because I have no idea what the hell was going on.
I read the first chapter in the early afternoon. Then I re-read it because there was no way in hell that I just read that. After that, I got some coffee and sat down for the rest, in a terrible case of bile fascination. After reading the last chapter, I realised I had no idea what the hell I just read.
Is it really that hard to write good kid!fic?
Since I had a day off yesterday, I decided to go and see if I could find a fic with that.
I did find child-fic, though not Nobody!child-fic
Unfortunately, it wasn't goodfic.
I am going to quote the first bit of that fic now. It's up to you to guess who spoke those lines. If you can guess it right away and not feel your brain try to crawl out of your ears trying to reconcile the mental images, my hat's off to you.
"Okay gang, line up!", said the chief, standing on a big wooden crate. "Last time, we didnt stole much thing and our little bros didn't got much to eat... But hey, we have a new chance now! The circus is making a great big show today and..."
Get it yet?
That was actually Xemnas.
Yes, Xemnas.
This fic is just so... stupid beyond any kind of measure.
The characters all caught a dreadful case of Fanbrat Japanese. The author suffers from additional Random Ellipses Syndrome.
Larxene is a boy now (even though Marluxia, who I'm guessing is four years old and quite a bit younger than Larxene, addresses "him" as a girl). But only for the first few chapters, since she snaps "Do I look like a boy to you?" later. Even though Xemnas and Zexion apparently told her to pretend she was a boy because otherwise there would be "resistance" from the rest. Although the others knew anyway because Marluxia told everyone about it the day she joined. ...'kay.
Evil Goofy. I just... whut?
Sephiroth sells tickets to the circus. Maleficent is a kind old fortuneteller who helps the kids not get caught. The eeevulz circus master is Ansem (as in, Ansem-The-Wise Ansem).
"Epilogue". You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Possibly the stupidest of all, the terrible attempts at BAWW ANGSTY PASTS. I think I like Axel and Saïx's best. Most of them ran away from home or orphanages, but Axel got lost in a crowd and Saïx went to look for him.
The deus ex machina ending is the most ridiculous of all, though. I'm not spoiling it for you, mostly because I have no idea what the hell was going on.
I read the first chapter in the early afternoon. Then I re-read it because there was no way in hell that I just read that. After that, I got some coffee and sat down for the rest, in a terrible case of bile fascination. After reading the last chapter, I realised I had no idea what the hell I just read.
Is it really that hard to write good kid!fic?