Četvrtak, 1. ramazan 1444
I've been listening to a lot of podcasts lately. After focusing on narcissism and cults for a while, I have followed up on some of the guests from podcast interviews on those topics and have begun to explore emotional healing more.
Yesterday I viewed part of an interactive session on cultivating awareness that the facilitator posted to YouTube. I have also been reading Pete Walker's book on complex PTSD.
Yesterday evening, as I was practicing box breathing, I noticed that some areas in my back that are tight most of the time start to feel slightly sore and more pliable. I fell asleep easily, but after getting up at about 12:45 a.m. to use the bathroom I noticed some anxiety welling up. It occurred to me that anxiety may sometimes demand immediate attention and have the effect of blotting out more subtle feeling states. Eventually I fell back to sleep, but I woke up in the middle of a strange dream, screaming into my pillow.
I'm not sure, but it seems as if I may have been having a reaction against the experience of relaxing into a subtler awareness of feeling states that I had had yesterday.
Peace,
KH