i heard her laughter.
because of this accident.
i've lost everything.
everything that i've worked so hard for.
i think about it every night.
i think, "i would've been banned from her funeral,
cause i can't even fucking see her in the hospital"
i have nightmares all night and day.
i see her face, i hear her voice.
i have flashbacks and memories flood my head.
i can hardly go to school cause i can't concentrate.
i dreamt about her last night. she was home, and called from a number i didn't recognize. but her voice. i recognized that. and she was so happy. she was busy but she just wanted to call and say hi. and i couldn't believe she was calling. i said, "so ... you're out of the hospital? and you're okay?" and she said "yeah i'm just soooo busy. haha" and i thought, i could imagine. and i woke up crying.
i dreamt that i hit something again, and i went off the road through a gaurdrail ... into a lake. and i just stayed in the car. and i thought, this is it. i can't believe i just got in another car accident. i'm going to drown myself. there is no way i can move on after this.
but i'm meant to be here,
and that's the fucking hell i live with.
the lines i wear around my wrist -
they're proof that i exist.
i've lost my friends.
my boyfriend.
my family
and most importantly, my mind.
but i'm just glad she can't feel a thing.
i've lost everything.
everything that i've worked so hard for.
i think about it every night.
i think, "i would've been banned from her funeral,
cause i can't even fucking see her in the hospital"
i have nightmares all night and day.
i see her face, i hear her voice.
i have flashbacks and memories flood my head.
i can hardly go to school cause i can't concentrate.
i dreamt about her last night. she was home, and called from a number i didn't recognize. but her voice. i recognized that. and she was so happy. she was busy but she just wanted to call and say hi. and i couldn't believe she was calling. i said, "so ... you're out of the hospital? and you're okay?" and she said "yeah i'm just soooo busy. haha" and i thought, i could imagine. and i woke up crying.
i dreamt that i hit something again, and i went off the road through a gaurdrail ... into a lake. and i just stayed in the car. and i thought, this is it. i can't believe i just got in another car accident. i'm going to drown myself. there is no way i can move on after this.
but i'm meant to be here,
and that's the fucking hell i live with.
the lines i wear around my wrist -
they're proof that i exist.
i've lost my friends.
my boyfriend.
my family
and most importantly, my mind.
but i'm just glad she can't feel a thing.