Hellsing: My Replacement
Title: My Replacement
Series: Hellsing
Character(s): Jan and Luke Valentine
Rating: PG-13, I guess?
Warnings: Jan is pervy. Incestuous behavior, bad language, etc etc etc. It's Jan.
Summary: (Set WAY before the events of Hellsing and before their involvement with Millennium) They were always close as children but because of their age difference, Luke's been growing up much faster. And Jan's not ready. So when they grow up and apart, Jan decides to take initiative.
Author's note: I was actually inspired by one scene in a manga that made me think, "Oh, Jan would behave this way too, wouldn't he?" so I wrote it out to see if I was right. It's not supposed to be all that serious, it's really just crack that ended up being too long-winded. Since they're supposed to be portrayed younger than they were in Hellsing, I took liberties with Luke's personality and allowed him to be a little bit more laid-back and less strict.
My Replacement
by Spooky (machinator).
It could be bothersome, raising a younger sibling on your own. How long had it been now that they'd been completely on their own? Luke pushed up his glasses to rub at the bridge of his nose, sighing in frustration. His shifts were getting later and later all because he needed to support his brother. They were spending less and less time together. In fact, there were some nights that Luke didn't see Jan altogether. Jan was staying out much later as well, partying, Luke could only assume. And for the past few nights Jan hadn't even come home at all.
Luke didn't think much of it. Jan was reaching that rebellious age, wasn't he? Granted, Luke had never had such a stage but he had far more responsibilities during that time. Because of Jan, there really wasn't any time for him to go out and make a fool of himself publicly.
Not that he necessarily minded missing out on things like that. His studies, he believed, were far more important. And clearly, he was a better man for it. Jan, who ditched school so often, could barely string together a coherent sentence if there wasn't a series of curses right smack in the middle of it.
But that was part of his charm, perhaps.
Luke slipped the key into the lock as quietly as he could, cringing as the door groaned on its hinges when he pushed it open. It was already extremely late and Jan's dirty old sneakers were in the doorway, indicating that he was actually home for a change. Luke's face didn't betray his surprise as he slipped off his own shoes and stepped into the dingy little apartment they shared.
He padded down the hall in his socks, undoing his tie as he turned the corner towards the kitchen. His step faltered just slightly when he realized the kitchen light was still on. His eyes turned towards his watch, catching the time. Jan was still awake at this hour? Granted, the boy did have the most ridiculous sleeping pattern (read: no pattern whatsoever) so perhaps this was the 'afternoon' for him at the moment.
"Jan." It wasn't a question. It never was.
"You know, you got this real annoyin way of talkin, bro," Jan says around a mouthful of Cheetos.
"Is that so."
"Just like that! You like, you fuckin..." He stops, shovels more Cheetos into his mouth and barely chews once before continuing, "...You always say shit like you're never fuckin surprised about nothin." He swallows noisily. "Even when it's like a question, you know what I'm sayin?"
"I'm afraid that I do not." Luke couldn't help but smile and Jan threw up his hands in frustration, scattering Cheetos everywhere. Luke didn't smile at that but Jan thought it was hilarious.
"Man, I get it. A guy who knows fuckin everything... Of course he wouldn't have any questions." The darker-skinned brother leaned back on the couch, staring at the ceiling as he idly picked at his ear. "Must be nice."
"I hardly know everything, Jan."
"Bullshit. Goddamn Einstein. Sometimes I fuckin hate pricks like you."
Luke only watched as Jan snatched up the package of cigarettes on the coffee table and stormed out of the apartment, slapping the box against his palm. When the door slammed shut, Luke didn't even flinch.
Of course, Luke chuckled at the memory. After the fact, Jan had come back an hour later asking Luke to do his homework for him. Though Luke said no, that didn't stop him from doing the assignment for him anyway.
"Jan." Luke called again, walking into the kitchen. Jan currently had his head buried in the fridge with his bottom in the air, clad only in boxers that were falling so low that he may as well not be wearing them. Luke slapped his palm to his face, momentarily forgetting about his glasses until they pinched his nose. He removed them to wipe off his prints on his shirt before slipping them back on. "Jan."
Still no answer.
Jan stood straight up and Luke soon understood why. Comically large headphones were secured over Jan's ears, the clunky portable cassette player that Luke had gotten him last Christmas was stuffed into the waistband of his boxers. Luke could only assume that the volume was blasting as loud as it could go.
Unaware that Luke was standing in the doorway watching him, Jan turned around with a bottle of soda in hand before his eyes settled on his older brother. He shrieked and the bottle fell to the floor. With a furious expression on his face, he swatted the headphones from his ears so that they dangled around his neck and stomped over to the blond male, completely ignoring the mess he made.
"Fuck, Bro! Don't do shit like that, God fucking damn! Gave me a motherfucking heart attack you son of a bitch. What the fuck were you thinking?"
As Jan got closer, Luke could, in fact, hear his music screaming through the headphones. He sighed and reached for Jan's cassette player, finding the volume dial and turning it down as low as it went.
"You're going to blow out your ears, Brother."
"Don't ignore me, cockfruit!" Jan smacked Luke's hand away and yanked the cassette player out of his boxers, then dropped it onto the counter. The headphones came next, falling beside the cassette player.
Luke stared down at Jan's face, his eyes actually surprised. "What did you call me?"
Jan crossed his arms over his bare chest and averted his eyes, smirking. "Cockfruit."
"And where did you hear such a word?"
"Made that shit up." He jammed his thumb against his own chest, still grinning smugly. "You're not the only genius in the family, you got that? I figure we all got shit we're smart at, right?" Luke only nodded, though his face was clueless in such a way that Jan had never seen before. "You're good at lame-ass bookshit. You turn pages and wear pink panties and say shit like indeed and you drink tea with your pinkie out and shit--"
"Where are you going with this?"
"--But I am just really fuckin cool. That's what I'm smart at. I made up cool phrases and shit that nobody else uses cause they're all fuckin lame-asses. Kinda like you only with worse hair."
"I suppose that was a compliment so I'll let your behavior pass."
"Damn right you will, pussy bitch."
Luke was used to Jan talking like this so he didn't think anything of it. Instead of responding, he calmly reached out and pulled up Jan's boxers, shaking his head. His pale fingers were almost ghostly in contrast to his little brother's dark tone. He smiled and patted Jan on the cheek before stepping away and back into the hall.
"It's very late and you have school in the morning. Go to bed. I'll clean that mess in the morning--" Luke's voice caught as thin arms slipped around his waist from behind. "Jan." He felt his brother press against his back and he sighed, prying those dark fingers apart enough to slip away from his hold. He turned to face his brother, an unamused expression on his face. "Go to bed."
Instead of being deterred, Jan stepped closer to him and wiggled his arms around his brother's waist a second time, pressing forward so insistently that Luke stumbled back into the hall and fell against the wall. He grunted in pain and glared into Jan's mischievous eyes.
"Jan. Go to bed."
"Come with me."
It was so quiet that Luke almost didn't think he heard it properly. "W-what?"
"Come to bed with me, Bro, like we used to." Luke felt his chest tighten. What was Jan even saying? They weren't children anymore. He dropped his hands onto Jan's shoulders and tried to push him back, but was surprised when Jan moved forward even more.
At this point, Luke was pinned to the wall, their bodies chest-to-chest. Luke could feel Jan's heart pounding so hard that he was almost hearing it as well. Color rose to his cheeks and he grunted, giving Jan another light shove.
"I'm serious, Jan. Go to bed. I have work very early in the morning so I don't have time for--"
"For me?" Jan looked angry now. "Good fucking grief, Luke." Luke winced and looked away when Jan's voice cut into him like that. "You never have any fuckin time for me anymore." The blond inhaled sharply when Jan pressed their lower bodies together. His teeth ground together as Jan thrust against him.
"Jan. Knock it off."
But Jan was so caught up in his anger right now that he didn't listen. He nudged his nose against Luke's neck, his abnormally long tongue licking a wet path from his collar to his ear. Luke let out a startled gasp as Jan rocked his lower body against his a bit more forcefully this time.
HolymotherofGod he was getting turned on by his brother's shameful behavior! He yelped when a pair of teeth pinched the skin of his neck, causing blood to rise beneath the surface and turn red.
Now equally angered, Luke asserted all of the force he could muster up and shoved Jan backwards.
"Damn it, Jan! You're so irresponsible!" He slapped his hand over the mark on his neck, wiping at the saliva furiously. That would leave a mark for sure and he'd have to be sure to hide it at work. He could get in so much trouble for this! "We can't all just play around all day and night like you do. Some of us actually have someone we need to support!"
Instead of looking even slightly apologetic like he expected, Jan's face was blank and he was perfectly quiet. No swearing, no hitting, no half-assed apologies... The dark-skinned boy merely got up from where he had fallen to the floor and walked towards the door without a word. And when the door slammed behind him, Luke could only think...
That was probably the scariest Luke had ever seen Jan get.
For three days after that, Jan didn't come home. Luke considered calling the cops, he really did, but what good would it do if Jan didn't want to come home and stay there? He'd been out longer than this before, this was nothing. They were used to spending long periods of time away from each other. He was probably just mooching off of a friend until he cooled off.
'But', Luke thought as he slipped his key into the lock, 'Jan never left so quietly before.'
Another long day at work that went well into the night had Luke coming back later than ever but it wasn't like Jan was around to mind. He dropped his keys on the key-hook by the door and slipped off his shoes. He paused, noticing a dirty pair of sneakers that could belong to only one person.
"Jan."
Without bothering to remove his tie or jacket, Luke hurried down the hall towards Jan's bedroom to see the light spilling out from under the door. The thought of knocking didn't even cross his mind, politeness being unexpectedly thrown out the window as the door swung wide open.
Though, nothing could have prepared him for the sight.
Jan's room was a mess, as usual, but that's not what caught his attention this time. No, right in the middle of the bed was Jan, arms and legs wrapped around a full-body pillow that he was currently in the middle of nuzzling it and purring at it and. and. and. and. and...
Luke's cheeks went a brilliant shade of red and his brows came together. He forgot all about Jan leaving and cleared his throat, irritated all over again.
"Jan. What in God's name are you doing!? W-where... where did you get that?"
Jan looked up at Luke uninterestedly, then patted the pillow fondly. He lifted his hips to pull his boxers back on and sat up, grinning suggestively.
"Got myself a job so I bought this," He patted the pillow again. "From a seedy sex shop a couple blocks away."
Luke was positively floored. So many things were wrong with this. Jan got a job!?
He didn't know he voiced his thought out loud until Jan snorted and replied, "Don't get too excited. Got fired after the boss caught me jerkin it off behind the register." Well, that made more sense, at least.
But then there was the matter of...
"That pillow. You bought it at an adult store? Why in the world would you--" He was cut off when Jan held up the pillow and suddenly that made sense too. It was one of those pillows for lonely men and perverted high school boys and it all made sense. Printed on the surface of the pillow was a woman with pale skin and long blonde hair and Luke didn't bother to stifle a groan.
His brother runs away from home without saying a word, gets a job to buy a stupid adult pillow, gets fired from his job, and then comes home to "enjoy" aforementioned stupid adult pillow.
That was just like him.
"And why would you purchase such a thing?"
Jan said the answer in such a simple way that Luke had no choice but to walk out of the room, quietly close the door behind him, cross the hallway into his own bedroom, undress, and then go to bed without another thought.
"This is my new big brother."
Just. What the fuck?
The next morning, Jan didn't come out of his room even when Luke made his favorite breakfast. He didn't come out that afternoon either. Nor that evening.
It was nearing midnight and Luke was sick of it.
Was he really intending to ignore Luke for that. That stupid pillow girl!?
His new brother. Pah! Ridiculous! It was all so stupid and ridiculous that Luke couldn't help but find himself.
Getting.
Jealous.
Of a pillow.
A pillow.
An adult pillow.
That Jan was probably dryhumping like a retarded little squirrel in heat.
And Luke was jealous.
Just.
What. The fuck?
Another day went past and Luke was sure that Jan would need to leave his room for food sometime. The boy had an insatiable appetite after all, and stubborn or not, his stomach would win out eventually.
At half past 3 in the morning, Luke was proven right. From the living room where he was watching television he could hear the sound of Jan's loud music dimming down and the sound of the bedroom door opening. He hid a smile behind his hand and pretended to be too engrossed in his program to notice when Jan stepped into the kitchen.
Or he would have been able to pretend if Jan wasn't making such a ruckus. Bottles and jars were being slid around and knocked together in such a way that Luke suspected it was deliberate. He set down the remote and sighed, pushing himself to his feet from the couch. When he entered the kitchen, he soon regretted it.
Jan was completely nude, but that wasn't what was abnormal about the scene. The reason for all the noise was that Jan was trying to prepare a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with just one hand. Because his other arm was clutching onto that goddamn pillow.
"Honestly, Jan," Luke paused to chuckle when Jan yelped and dropped his peanut butter covered knife to the floor.
"Jesus fuck, Bro! I told you not to fuckin sneak up on me like that! Stupid little cunt." He turned to face Luke, so naturally the pillow turned with him and Luke gasped in surprise.
The face of the pillow wasn't as he'd remembered it. Sometime in the past day or so, Jan had taken a permanent marker to the woman's face, drawing on large glasses and turned her seductive smile into a scowl. Her eyebrows were also redrawn to look angry. And across her naked bosom was a poorly drawn tie (a tie Luke remembers Jan having given him last Christmas - it was, of course, Luke's favorite one).
"Jan," Luke's voice broke and he pressed his hand over his mouth, his cheeks turning a bright pink. His shoulders began to shake and one might have thought he was crying. Except...
"Bastard, don't you fuckin laugh, you hear me?" Jan yelled, squeezing his pillow to him even tighter.
"I-is." Another laugh made Luke's voice crack. "Is that supposed to be--" He stopped, trying to compose himself and failing. "Is that-- me?"
At Jan's embarrassed expression, Luke could only keep laughing.
"I said the shut the fuck up, okay?" Jan nuzzled his cheek into the pillow, pouting. "This is my new bro, I told you that already. Cause he," Luke didn't bother pointing out that the pillow was still very much a she considering her ample breasts and vagina, "Doesn't piss me the fuck off or leave me alone for fuckin forever and he doesn't mind if I want to--"
"Snuggle." Luke offered.
"...Right. Snuggle. He doesn't mind if I want to fuckin snuggle."
"Oh, my dear brother." Luke breathed, finally regaining some control over his breathing. Without any other explanation, Luke stepped forward and gently pried Jan's hands away from his beloved pillow and set it on the island, careful not to knock over the salt and pepper shakers. "My poor, ridiculous, stupid brother." He pulled Jan into an embrace (fully aware that Jan was still as nude as the day he was born) and pressed their cheeks together. Jan huffed and pushed at Luke's shoulders.
"Fuck off, Bro. I told you, I don't need you anymore cause I have-"
"A sex pillow. With my face drawn on it."
"-Yeah. Her. Him. Her. It. That." He pointed at the pillow and Luke couldn't help his smile.
"Why would you do such a thing, you idiot?"
At this, Jan averted his eyes, wearing such a lonely expression that Luke was almost certain it was an act. While it was true that only he was ever allowed to see Jan in such an unguarded state, this almost seemed even more unnatural and bizarre.
"Hey Bro?"
"Yes?"
"We used to be tight. What happened to that?" Luke swallowed, slowly starting to understand. Jan kept talking so he didn't interrupt. "We never used to have problems sleepin together and shit. I mean, it's not like I'm gay for you or nothin like that because you're pretty fuckin ugly but like. Seems like you got all grown up and too good to hang out with me anymore. You're always fuckin working and like, that's cool and all since you pay for my shit but really bro... when we do have the time, can't you like... I dunno. I wanna say just gimme a pity-fuck or something but like. I promise I'm not gay for you."
So that was it? Jan missed his brother? Luke sighed and pulled Jan back towards him, frowning. "You're such an idiot, Jan."
"Who is the idiot?" Jan leaned back and glared up at the blond.
"The little boy who draws his brother's face on a pillow is the idiot." Luke pressed a light kiss to Jan's forehead. "The stupid little idiot boy who is wandering around the kitchen naked and making his poor big brother hot and bothered."
"..."
"..."
"So can we fuck?"
"No. Go to bed."
"Fuck! You didn't listen to a word I said, did you!?"
Luke picked up the jar of jelly, moving to put it back in the fridge. "I told you to go to bed." Before Jan could protest again, Luke added, "And I'll be there in a minute."
MOTHERFUCKING END.
Series: Hellsing
Character(s): Jan and Luke Valentine
Rating: PG-13, I guess?
Warnings: Jan is pervy. Incestuous behavior, bad language, etc etc etc. It's Jan.
Summary: (Set WAY before the events of Hellsing and before their involvement with Millennium) They were always close as children but because of their age difference, Luke's been growing up much faster. And Jan's not ready. So when they grow up and apart, Jan decides to take initiative.
Author's note: I was actually inspired by one scene in a manga that made me think, "Oh, Jan would behave this way too, wouldn't he?" so I wrote it out to see if I was right. It's not supposed to be all that serious, it's really just crack that ended up being too long-winded. Since they're supposed to be portrayed younger than they were in Hellsing, I took liberties with Luke's personality and allowed him to be a little bit more laid-back and less strict.
My Replacement
by Spooky (machinator).
It could be bothersome, raising a younger sibling on your own. How long had it been now that they'd been completely on their own? Luke pushed up his glasses to rub at the bridge of his nose, sighing in frustration. His shifts were getting later and later all because he needed to support his brother. They were spending less and less time together. In fact, there were some nights that Luke didn't see Jan altogether. Jan was staying out much later as well, partying, Luke could only assume. And for the past few nights Jan hadn't even come home at all.
Luke didn't think much of it. Jan was reaching that rebellious age, wasn't he? Granted, Luke had never had such a stage but he had far more responsibilities during that time. Because of Jan, there really wasn't any time for him to go out and make a fool of himself publicly.
Not that he necessarily minded missing out on things like that. His studies, he believed, were far more important. And clearly, he was a better man for it. Jan, who ditched school so often, could barely string together a coherent sentence if there wasn't a series of curses right smack in the middle of it.
But that was part of his charm, perhaps.
Luke slipped the key into the lock as quietly as he could, cringing as the door groaned on its hinges when he pushed it open. It was already extremely late and Jan's dirty old sneakers were in the doorway, indicating that he was actually home for a change. Luke's face didn't betray his surprise as he slipped off his own shoes and stepped into the dingy little apartment they shared.
He padded down the hall in his socks, undoing his tie as he turned the corner towards the kitchen. His step faltered just slightly when he realized the kitchen light was still on. His eyes turned towards his watch, catching the time. Jan was still awake at this hour? Granted, the boy did have the most ridiculous sleeping pattern (read: no pattern whatsoever) so perhaps this was the 'afternoon' for him at the moment.
"Jan." It wasn't a question. It never was.
"You know, you got this real annoyin way of talkin, bro," Jan says around a mouthful of Cheetos.
"Is that so."
"Just like that! You like, you fuckin..." He stops, shovels more Cheetos into his mouth and barely chews once before continuing, "...You always say shit like you're never fuckin surprised about nothin." He swallows noisily. "Even when it's like a question, you know what I'm sayin?"
"I'm afraid that I do not." Luke couldn't help but smile and Jan threw up his hands in frustration, scattering Cheetos everywhere. Luke didn't smile at that but Jan thought it was hilarious.
"Man, I get it. A guy who knows fuckin everything... Of course he wouldn't have any questions." The darker-skinned brother leaned back on the couch, staring at the ceiling as he idly picked at his ear. "Must be nice."
"I hardly know everything, Jan."
"Bullshit. Goddamn Einstein. Sometimes I fuckin hate pricks like you."
Luke only watched as Jan snatched up the package of cigarettes on the coffee table and stormed out of the apartment, slapping the box against his palm. When the door slammed shut, Luke didn't even flinch.
Of course, Luke chuckled at the memory. After the fact, Jan had come back an hour later asking Luke to do his homework for him. Though Luke said no, that didn't stop him from doing the assignment for him anyway.
"Jan." Luke called again, walking into the kitchen. Jan currently had his head buried in the fridge with his bottom in the air, clad only in boxers that were falling so low that he may as well not be wearing them. Luke slapped his palm to his face, momentarily forgetting about his glasses until they pinched his nose. He removed them to wipe off his prints on his shirt before slipping them back on. "Jan."
Still no answer.
Jan stood straight up and Luke soon understood why. Comically large headphones were secured over Jan's ears, the clunky portable cassette player that Luke had gotten him last Christmas was stuffed into the waistband of his boxers. Luke could only assume that the volume was blasting as loud as it could go.
Unaware that Luke was standing in the doorway watching him, Jan turned around with a bottle of soda in hand before his eyes settled on his older brother. He shrieked and the bottle fell to the floor. With a furious expression on his face, he swatted the headphones from his ears so that they dangled around his neck and stomped over to the blond male, completely ignoring the mess he made.
"Fuck, Bro! Don't do shit like that, God fucking damn! Gave me a motherfucking heart attack you son of a bitch. What the fuck were you thinking?"
As Jan got closer, Luke could, in fact, hear his music screaming through the headphones. He sighed and reached for Jan's cassette player, finding the volume dial and turning it down as low as it went.
"You're going to blow out your ears, Brother."
"Don't ignore me, cockfruit!" Jan smacked Luke's hand away and yanked the cassette player out of his boxers, then dropped it onto the counter. The headphones came next, falling beside the cassette player.
Luke stared down at Jan's face, his eyes actually surprised. "What did you call me?"
Jan crossed his arms over his bare chest and averted his eyes, smirking. "Cockfruit."
"And where did you hear such a word?"
"Made that shit up." He jammed his thumb against his own chest, still grinning smugly. "You're not the only genius in the family, you got that? I figure we all got shit we're smart at, right?" Luke only nodded, though his face was clueless in such a way that Jan had never seen before. "You're good at lame-ass bookshit. You turn pages and wear pink panties and say shit like indeed and you drink tea with your pinkie out and shit--"
"Where are you going with this?"
"--But I am just really fuckin cool. That's what I'm smart at. I made up cool phrases and shit that nobody else uses cause they're all fuckin lame-asses. Kinda like you only with worse hair."
"I suppose that was a compliment so I'll let your behavior pass."
"Damn right you will, pussy bitch."
Luke was used to Jan talking like this so he didn't think anything of it. Instead of responding, he calmly reached out and pulled up Jan's boxers, shaking his head. His pale fingers were almost ghostly in contrast to his little brother's dark tone. He smiled and patted Jan on the cheek before stepping away and back into the hall.
"It's very late and you have school in the morning. Go to bed. I'll clean that mess in the morning--" Luke's voice caught as thin arms slipped around his waist from behind. "Jan." He felt his brother press against his back and he sighed, prying those dark fingers apart enough to slip away from his hold. He turned to face his brother, an unamused expression on his face. "Go to bed."
Instead of being deterred, Jan stepped closer to him and wiggled his arms around his brother's waist a second time, pressing forward so insistently that Luke stumbled back into the hall and fell against the wall. He grunted in pain and glared into Jan's mischievous eyes.
"Jan. Go to bed."
"Come with me."
It was so quiet that Luke almost didn't think he heard it properly. "W-what?"
"Come to bed with me, Bro, like we used to." Luke felt his chest tighten. What was Jan even saying? They weren't children anymore. He dropped his hands onto Jan's shoulders and tried to push him back, but was surprised when Jan moved forward even more.
At this point, Luke was pinned to the wall, their bodies chest-to-chest. Luke could feel Jan's heart pounding so hard that he was almost hearing it as well. Color rose to his cheeks and he grunted, giving Jan another light shove.
"I'm serious, Jan. Go to bed. I have work very early in the morning so I don't have time for--"
"For me?" Jan looked angry now. "Good fucking grief, Luke." Luke winced and looked away when Jan's voice cut into him like that. "You never have any fuckin time for me anymore." The blond inhaled sharply when Jan pressed their lower bodies together. His teeth ground together as Jan thrust against him.
"Jan. Knock it off."
But Jan was so caught up in his anger right now that he didn't listen. He nudged his nose against Luke's neck, his abnormally long tongue licking a wet path from his collar to his ear. Luke let out a startled gasp as Jan rocked his lower body against his a bit more forcefully this time.
HolymotherofGod he was getting turned on by his brother's shameful behavior! He yelped when a pair of teeth pinched the skin of his neck, causing blood to rise beneath the surface and turn red.
Now equally angered, Luke asserted all of the force he could muster up and shoved Jan backwards.
"Damn it, Jan! You're so irresponsible!" He slapped his hand over the mark on his neck, wiping at the saliva furiously. That would leave a mark for sure and he'd have to be sure to hide it at work. He could get in so much trouble for this! "We can't all just play around all day and night like you do. Some of us actually have someone we need to support!"
Instead of looking even slightly apologetic like he expected, Jan's face was blank and he was perfectly quiet. No swearing, no hitting, no half-assed apologies... The dark-skinned boy merely got up from where he had fallen to the floor and walked towards the door without a word. And when the door slammed behind him, Luke could only think...
That was probably the scariest Luke had ever seen Jan get.
For three days after that, Jan didn't come home. Luke considered calling the cops, he really did, but what good would it do if Jan didn't want to come home and stay there? He'd been out longer than this before, this was nothing. They were used to spending long periods of time away from each other. He was probably just mooching off of a friend until he cooled off.
'But', Luke thought as he slipped his key into the lock, 'Jan never left so quietly before.'
Another long day at work that went well into the night had Luke coming back later than ever but it wasn't like Jan was around to mind. He dropped his keys on the key-hook by the door and slipped off his shoes. He paused, noticing a dirty pair of sneakers that could belong to only one person.
"Jan."
Without bothering to remove his tie or jacket, Luke hurried down the hall towards Jan's bedroom to see the light spilling out from under the door. The thought of knocking didn't even cross his mind, politeness being unexpectedly thrown out the window as the door swung wide open.
Though, nothing could have prepared him for the sight.
Jan's room was a mess, as usual, but that's not what caught his attention this time. No, right in the middle of the bed was Jan, arms and legs wrapped around a full-body pillow that he was currently in the middle of nuzzling it and purring at it and. and. and. and. and...
Luke's cheeks went a brilliant shade of red and his brows came together. He forgot all about Jan leaving and cleared his throat, irritated all over again.
"Jan. What in God's name are you doing!? W-where... where did you get that?"
Jan looked up at Luke uninterestedly, then patted the pillow fondly. He lifted his hips to pull his boxers back on and sat up, grinning suggestively.
"Got myself a job so I bought this," He patted the pillow again. "From a seedy sex shop a couple blocks away."
Luke was positively floored. So many things were wrong with this. Jan got a job!?
He didn't know he voiced his thought out loud until Jan snorted and replied, "Don't get too excited. Got fired after the boss caught me jerkin it off behind the register." Well, that made more sense, at least.
But then there was the matter of...
"That pillow. You bought it at an adult store? Why in the world would you--" He was cut off when Jan held up the pillow and suddenly that made sense too. It was one of those pillows for lonely men and perverted high school boys and it all made sense. Printed on the surface of the pillow was a woman with pale skin and long blonde hair and Luke didn't bother to stifle a groan.
His brother runs away from home without saying a word, gets a job to buy a stupid adult pillow, gets fired from his job, and then comes home to "enjoy" aforementioned stupid adult pillow.
That was just like him.
"And why would you purchase such a thing?"
Jan said the answer in such a simple way that Luke had no choice but to walk out of the room, quietly close the door behind him, cross the hallway into his own bedroom, undress, and then go to bed without another thought.
"This is my new big brother."
Just. What the fuck?
The next morning, Jan didn't come out of his room even when Luke made his favorite breakfast. He didn't come out that afternoon either. Nor that evening.
It was nearing midnight and Luke was sick of it.
Was he really intending to ignore Luke for that. That stupid pillow girl!?
His new brother. Pah! Ridiculous! It was all so stupid and ridiculous that Luke couldn't help but find himself.
Getting.
Jealous.
Of a pillow.
A pillow.
An adult pillow.
That Jan was probably dryhumping like a retarded little squirrel in heat.
And Luke was jealous.
Just.
What. The fuck?
Another day went past and Luke was sure that Jan would need to leave his room for food sometime. The boy had an insatiable appetite after all, and stubborn or not, his stomach would win out eventually.
At half past 3 in the morning, Luke was proven right. From the living room where he was watching television he could hear the sound of Jan's loud music dimming down and the sound of the bedroom door opening. He hid a smile behind his hand and pretended to be too engrossed in his program to notice when Jan stepped into the kitchen.
Or he would have been able to pretend if Jan wasn't making such a ruckus. Bottles and jars were being slid around and knocked together in such a way that Luke suspected it was deliberate. He set down the remote and sighed, pushing himself to his feet from the couch. When he entered the kitchen, he soon regretted it.
Jan was completely nude, but that wasn't what was abnormal about the scene. The reason for all the noise was that Jan was trying to prepare a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with just one hand. Because his other arm was clutching onto that goddamn pillow.
"Honestly, Jan," Luke paused to chuckle when Jan yelped and dropped his peanut butter covered knife to the floor.
"Jesus fuck, Bro! I told you not to fuckin sneak up on me like that! Stupid little cunt." He turned to face Luke, so naturally the pillow turned with him and Luke gasped in surprise.
The face of the pillow wasn't as he'd remembered it. Sometime in the past day or so, Jan had taken a permanent marker to the woman's face, drawing on large glasses and turned her seductive smile into a scowl. Her eyebrows were also redrawn to look angry. And across her naked bosom was a poorly drawn tie (a tie Luke remembers Jan having given him last Christmas - it was, of course, Luke's favorite one).
"Jan," Luke's voice broke and he pressed his hand over his mouth, his cheeks turning a bright pink. His shoulders began to shake and one might have thought he was crying. Except...
"Bastard, don't you fuckin laugh, you hear me?" Jan yelled, squeezing his pillow to him even tighter.
"I-is." Another laugh made Luke's voice crack. "Is that supposed to be--" He stopped, trying to compose himself and failing. "Is that-- me?"
At Jan's embarrassed expression, Luke could only keep laughing.
"I said the shut the fuck up, okay?" Jan nuzzled his cheek into the pillow, pouting. "This is my new bro, I told you that already. Cause he," Luke didn't bother pointing out that the pillow was still very much a she considering her ample breasts and vagina, "Doesn't piss me the fuck off or leave me alone for fuckin forever and he doesn't mind if I want to--"
"Snuggle." Luke offered.
"...Right. Snuggle. He doesn't mind if I want to fuckin snuggle."
"Oh, my dear brother." Luke breathed, finally regaining some control over his breathing. Without any other explanation, Luke stepped forward and gently pried Jan's hands away from his beloved pillow and set it on the island, careful not to knock over the salt and pepper shakers. "My poor, ridiculous, stupid brother." He pulled Jan into an embrace (fully aware that Jan was still as nude as the day he was born) and pressed their cheeks together. Jan huffed and pushed at Luke's shoulders.
"Fuck off, Bro. I told you, I don't need you anymore cause I have-"
"A sex pillow. With my face drawn on it."
"-Yeah. Her. Him. Her. It. That." He pointed at the pillow and Luke couldn't help his smile.
"Why would you do such a thing, you idiot?"
At this, Jan averted his eyes, wearing such a lonely expression that Luke was almost certain it was an act. While it was true that only he was ever allowed to see Jan in such an unguarded state, this almost seemed even more unnatural and bizarre.
"Hey Bro?"
"Yes?"
"We used to be tight. What happened to that?" Luke swallowed, slowly starting to understand. Jan kept talking so he didn't interrupt. "We never used to have problems sleepin together and shit. I mean, it's not like I'm gay for you or nothin like that because you're pretty fuckin ugly but like. Seems like you got all grown up and too good to hang out with me anymore. You're always fuckin working and like, that's cool and all since you pay for my shit but really bro... when we do have the time, can't you like... I dunno. I wanna say just gimme a pity-fuck or something but like. I promise I'm not gay for you."
So that was it? Jan missed his brother? Luke sighed and pulled Jan back towards him, frowning. "You're such an idiot, Jan."
"Who is the idiot?" Jan leaned back and glared up at the blond.
"The little boy who draws his brother's face on a pillow is the idiot." Luke pressed a light kiss to Jan's forehead. "The stupid little idiot boy who is wandering around the kitchen naked and making his poor big brother hot and bothered."
"..."
"..."
"So can we fuck?"
"No. Go to bed."
"Fuck! You didn't listen to a word I said, did you!?"
Luke picked up the jar of jelly, moving to put it back in the fridge. "I told you to go to bed." Before Jan could protest again, Luke added, "And I'll be there in a minute."
MOTHERFUCKING END.