Daffodil Summer (3/?)
rating: pg-13 (this chapter); nc-17 overall
pairing: yoochun/changmin; yunho/jaejoong
length: ~7100 wc (this chapter)
summary: Yoochun was born and raised in the U.S. and had never traveled outside of it. That changes when he graduates high school and he goes on a trip with his mom to Korea where he meets family, friends, and the boy-next-door named Shim Changmin.
CHAPTER THREE
The days seemed to go by quickly before Friday came. Yoochun spent his mornings lazing about inside the house with his family, playing games, texting Yoohwan, eating leftovers from the fridge or sleeping until noon. He also spent a considerable amount of time texting Changmin.
Jaejoong learned to be grateful for his job because it made the time until Friday pass faster as it kept him extremely busy. Yoochun visited him during the lunch break on Friday and brought the change of clothes that Jaejoong had packed carefully in a bag and then forgotten at home.
“God, what would I do without you?” Jaejoong sighed, snatching it out of Yoochun’s hands.
“Look frumpy on your first date with Yunho.”
“I’d rather die.”
Yoochun snickered and tucked into his lunch. After he finished eating, he lit a cigarette and offered one to Jaejoong, who politely refused. Yoochun raised a questioning eyebrow.
“I dunno, I mean, if the date goes well with Yunho, and we kiss or something, I don’t want to smell like cigarettes. Since, you know, he doesn’t smoke and all.”
“Oh. So are you trying to quit?”
“Nah. Not yet, at least. Maybe if somewhere down the road he asked me to…”
Yoochun took a long drag and exhaled slowly. “So if Yunho asked you to jump off a bridge would you do it? So dedicated already, before the first date.” His voice scathed with sarcasm.
“Well, no. Jumping off a bridge isn’t good for my health, but quitting smoking would be. What’s your problem, anyway, Yoochun?”
“Nothing, just that everyone seems to be fucking judging me for smoking. You’re not a saint, Jaejoong, you smoke too. Not having one cigarette a few hours before your date isn’t going to make Yunho magically fall in love with you and mount you on his white stallion as you ride off into the sunset toward his castle in the magic forest.”
Jaejoong got up quickly and balled his fists. “I’m not judging you, what the hell? And I don’t know why you’re being such a dick right now but I’m about to go on a first date with a guy I really like, so you should get the fuck out of here before you ruin my mood so completely that I fuck up my date.”
“And now some guy is more important than family, I get it.”
“Get the fuck out of here, Yoochun!” Jaejoong yelled.
“Fine. Bye.” Yoochun grabbed his things and stormed out. Anger bubbled in his chest and the hot sun outside did nothing to temper it. He walked and walked. Sweat poured down his face and back and drenched his clothes. He got on a bus and rode it until the last stop, and then he walked some more. He had no idea where his legs were taking him, but hoped that instinct would know better than anger and take him somewhere safe.
He ended up at the river. The Han River, to be precise. The sun was already setting by the time he got there, reflecting bright orange and yellow on the water. People were milling about, talking to one another. Little kids were running around with balloons as their parents chased after them. A girl sitting on the steps leading down to the banks strummed her guitar. Couples with linked arms stood around her, applauding lightly. Yoochun felt lonely in the crowd. He walked further and further down the bank until the crowds began to thin. The noise faded in the background and he could hear the gentle river waves lapping against the bank.
The anger had dulled. Now he just felt mad at himself. Jaejoong hadn’t said anything wrong, Yoochun was just being defensive. And for what? No one had made any attacks against him. He just felt that this one habit was garnering more negative attention than he had ever realized it would. Just then, he pulled the pack of cigarettes and stared down at it. Was it worth it? First Changmin got a first bad impression of him, then he got defensive over nothing toward Jaejoong. He constantly had to hide this from his mom, and of course his brother, too. Here, he didn’t have any delinquent friends to smoke with behind the skate park. Just family, all around him, all the time, who would surely be disappointed should they ever find out about his dirty little secret.
Yoochun raised his hand and chucked the box toward the river. It sailed over the green grass and almost made it into the water until a boy came running out of nowhere and caught it in one hand. He nearly lost his balance and toppled over into the water, but steadied himself. He stormed up to Yoochun and flicked his hair out of his eyes.
Changmin.
“I’m glad you want to get rid of these, but they belong in the trash, not the river.”
“R-right,” Yoochun stuttered. He was a bit flabbergasted that Changmin had just appeared out of nowhere, running at top speed like a superhero. Windswept hair really added to the effect. Yoochun was so awestruck that his heart skipped a beat. It had to be awe-it certainly couldn’t be because Changmin looked dazzling in the sunset. Surely not because Changmin’s cheeks were flushed from his heroic running and leaping to prevent Yoochun from becoming a littering criminal. Yoochun took back the pack gingerly and Changmin guided him to the nearest trash can.
“I never even thought about quitting, before.”
“What changed?” Changmin asked.
“I guess it’s harder to hide now. And I just don’t want to disappoint my family.”
“And?”
“And…and I don’t want to disappoint you.”
Changmin looked at him long and hard. The wind blew his black hair to and fro and Yoochun longed to reach out and stroke his fingers through the messy mop.
“Let’s sit,” Changmin said.
They sat on the grass, not really caring if it dirtied their clothes or if bugs would bite. Changmin lay back, hands under his head and elbows sticking out, and Yoochun imitated him. The clouds floated by, and they were tinged pink and orange against a darkening sky.
“You’re a bit more somber than usual,” Changmin said.
“Yeah, well, I was a dick to Jaejoong and I’m regretting it a lot right now.”
“He’ll forgive you.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“He’s family. He loves you.”
Changmin had no way of knowing how deeply those words struck Yoochun, who fell silent once more. The bugs continued their chiriping and what little crowd of people was left was dwindling down. Soon it would be night. Neither of them made any indication of wanting to leave.
“How are your sisters?” Yoochun asked.
“They’re fine. They both have a lot of friends to go out with.”
“And you? How are you holding up?”
Changmin sighed. “I’m hanging in there. Dad is getting worse and mom cries a lot. And when she’s not crying she’s taking her frustration out on us. It’s really annoying, but I’m old enough to know she doesn’t mean it, she’s just stressed and doesn’t have an outlet. My sisters don’t get that so that’s why I try not to leave them home alone with her.”
“You’re really grown-up, huh?”
Changmin only shrugged. “Happens when you’re the oldest. I’m sure you can relate.”
Yoochun gazed up at the sky. “My younger brother always seems so much more mature than me. I always cry, but he’s always so calm. I cling to our mom and he always seems so independent. But when it comes to dealing with tough times…I want him to lean on me, and I want to be the one protecting him. Even though he’s not a baby anymore…I just want him to have someone to look up to.”
“Yeah,” Changmin said. “I get it. Really, I understand.”
Night fell quickly and the stars emerged. It was still as humid as daytime, but some of the heat had dwindled. In fact, by the banks of the river, it was almost pleasant.
Changmin turned onto his side to face Yoochun, who was still looking up at the stars, though very few were visible in the big-city sky.
“What are you thinking about now?” Changmin whispered. He didn’t know why he was whispering, only that Yoochun was so close to him, there didn’t seem to be a need to speak very loudly.
“My brother. He told me to tell him first if something big happens.”
“Something big? Like what?”
Yoochun turned onto his side to face Changmin. The younger boy’s eyes were wide and alight with the glow of moonlight reflecting in them. His hair fell across his high and elegant cheekbones and jaw. Yoochun swallowed. He allowed his gaze to fall onto Changmin’s parted lips.
“Like this,” Yoochun said, and kissed him.
Changmin let out the tiniest gasp, closed his eyes, and kissed back. He wound an arm around Yoochun’s waist and traced Yoochun’s jaw with the other. If he was ever shy before, he wasn’t being shy now. Yoochun finally got to sweep his fingers through Changmin’s messy black hair and feel its silky texture and the sweat at its roots. Too soon, he pulled back. Changmin smiled with one corner of his mouth and leaned in for another peck.
“We should get going,” Changmin said.
“Yeah. I hope the buses are still running.”
“Should’ve thought about that before you assaulted me.”
Yoochun sputtered indignantly. “I didn’t assault you! You kissed back!”
Changmin laughed. “I’m only joking.”
They got up and dusted off their clothes. In the cover of dark, Changmin gathered the courage to grab hold of Yoochun’s hand as they set off for the bus stop. Both of their palms were sweaty and dirty from the grass. It was all perfect.
They waited at the bus stop, sitting at the lonely bench, and didn’t talk much. Yellow light spilled onto them from the streetlamp above and gnats flitted to and fro under the bright beam. Changmin sighed and leaned his head on Yoochun’s shoulder gently. Yoochun’s heart beat faster and he put an arm around Changmin’s slim shoulders as they rested against one another. The streetlamp flickered in and out of power before it finally gave out, flooding their bench in darkness.
That darkness provided cover, and it made Changmin brave. “I wish tonight wouldn’t end.”
“Me, too, Changmin-ah.”
“And I really, really don’t want this summer to end.”
“Why? Aren’t you tired of being at home in that tense situation? Don’t you wanna go back to school so you’re not stuck at home?”
“When the summer ends, you’ll leave.”
Yoochun had almost forgotten…he wasn’t here forever.
“And then I don’t know what’ll become of…”
Of us.
Yoochun didn’t know either. He tightened his hold on Changmin’s shoulders and kissed his hair. The stayed like that until the bus came. When it finally rolled to a stop and a sleepy looking grey-haired driver grunted at them to hurry up and get on, they walked all the way to the back seat and sat in it like they were still on their bench. They didn’t let go of each other’s hands the whole way. Changmin dozed off on Yoochun’s shoulder and Yoochun watched his chest rise and fall. He watched the little strand of hair that fluttered with each puff of exhaled breath. Changmin’s cheekbones were really a sight to behold-higher than those of any model or actress. This subdued elegance couldn’t be achieved with fame or surgeries-Changmin was born with it.
The bus rumbled on and Changmin hardly stirred. He was a deep sleeper. Yoochun looked out the window and realized just how late it had gotten. He wondered if the others were starting to worry. But he didn’t care enough to check his phone because he was too busy enjoying Changmin’s warmth against his body. What would happen to them when the summer was over? They were too young to know the answer and knew not what the future held.
The gruff, grey-haired bus driver rolled to a stop and Yoochun realized his time to contemplate was up. Gently, he shook Changmin awake.
Jaejoong changed in the store’s employee bathroom stall, stuffing his work clothes with more force than was necessary into his bag as he replayed lunch with Yoochun in his mind. He just couldn’t understand why Yoochun was being so mean. And on the day of his first date with Yunho, too.
Oh god, today was his first date with Yunho. He triple-checked himself in the mirror, then told himself he was being ridiculous and acting like a girl, then checked again and reasoned that it was not his fault he was acting like the eight other children he grew up around.
Dressed in his date clothes, Jaejoong returned to the store’s counter and began closing the shop. He locked up the cash register and started turning off all the lights in the store when the front door chimed and someone walked in.
“Sorry, sir, we’re closing.”
“Good,” said Yunho.
Jaejoong gasped and stopped what he was doing. “Yunho!”
“Hi there, Jaejoong.” Yunho smiled and brought out a single red rose from behind his back. “I-I hope this isn’t too cheesy or girly or anything.”
Jaejoong couldn’t help giggling. “It’s both, but I love it anyways. Thank you,” he said as he accepted the flower.
“You look really nice,” Yunho said.
“Thank you. You do too.”
“Are you ready to go?”
“Yes.”
Yunho showed him out the door to his car. It wasn’t anything fancy, not a sports car, but he was one of the only people their age who had his license and drove a car. It was very attractive.
Jaejoong got into the passenger’s seat and pulled on his seatbelt. The car smelled of leather and cinnamon. It was clean inside, no stray papers or old food wrappers anywhere, and the scent was coming from a tiny ornament hanging from the rear view mirror. Jaejoong pulled on his seatbelt and tried not to fidget too much in his seat but couldn’t help messing with the hem of his sweater. Yunho got into the driver’s seat and started the car, then played a CD. The music was in English, and Jaejoong couldn’t understand it, but he could tell it was romantic.
“Where are you taking me?” Jaejoong asked as Yunho started to drive.
“A Korean restaurant,” he replied, smiling mischievously.
Jaejoong hid his minor disappointment. He ate Korean food all the time at home and never understood why people liked to go out just to eat more of the same kind of food.
But when they got there, all complaints were forgotten. It was the fanciest restaurants Jaejoong had ever been to. A waitress showed them to their table-or rather their private booth-which was walled off by paper screen doors. There was a low wooden table in the center of the room and cushions on the floor to sit on. The decoration was astounding in its attention to detail and color coordination. As Yunho guided Jaejoong to his seat with a courteous hand hovering over the small of his back, Jaejoong couldn’t help but ask-
“Yunho, why did you choose this place? It looks so expensive.”
Yunho looked sheepish. “I just wanted to show you a good time.”
Jaejoong smiled and reached across the table to twine his fingers through Yunho’s. “I’m having a great time.”
Yunho smiled hugely and they launched into animated chatter about this and that and that and this. They were laughing when their food came in and hardly noticed as the waitress set down each artful dish on their table.
When something about Yoochun came up in the conversation, Jaejoong’s face fell noticeably. His lips turned downwards into a frown.
“Jaejoong? What’s wrong?” Yunho put down his chopsticks to reach across the table and hold Jaejoong’s hand in both of his.
“Nothing-it’s just…we sort of got into an argument today. Or more like…I don’t really know what I said, but he started yelling at me. It was really awful.”
“Oh, no, I’m so sorry. I know you guys are close.”
Jaejoong shook his head. “I just don’t know what I did wrong.”
“If you really don’t know, then maybe you didn’t do anything wrong, Jaejoong. Maybe he was just taking out his anger about something else on you. Which he shouldn’t have done, but…yeah.”
“Do you think if I talk to him later he won’t be mad at me anymore?”
“He definitely won’t. I bet he’s waiting for you right now, forming his apology in his head as we speak.”
Jaejoong smiled appreciatively and gave Yunho’s comforting hand a brief squeeze. “Thanks, Yunho. But Yoochun’s apology will just have to wait, because I am enjoying this food and this company way too much for the time being.”
“Ooh, then try this one, I love this one,” Yunho said, holding out a thin slice of grilled, seasoned between his chopsticks.
Jaejoong laughed. “That’s not how you’re supposed to eat it!” He took the slice in his own chopsticks and dropped a bit of red sauce onto it and then wrapped it in some sort of leafy green. “Here. Open up.”
Yunho bit down and moaned. “Really delicious. I still prefer my way though.”
“Your way is totally uncultured and crude,” Jaejoong teased. Yunho grinned like an idiot.
They pigged their way through another course and then dessert, then fought the oncoming food coma to walk off the calories outside in the warm night air. They couldn’t stop laughing over one thing or the other-maybe something Junsu did, or something that happened at school, or a stupid question that a customer had asked at the gardening store. Their arms were linked together as they walked around the same block over and over, too engrossed in one another’s company to notice that some people were staring.
Eventually, the moon rose to hang high overhead and it was time to go. They climbed into Yunho’s car and drove home. Yunho had another CD playing-a soft rock song that sounded like perfect slow-dance music. Jaejoong suddenly really wanted to dance with Yunho, but that wasn’t really possible seeing as they were in a car. In his mind’s eye, he saw the two of them slow-dancing to their own music in some secluded spot under the moonlight, just like in a movie. Though right now, Jaejoong realized with a start, reality with Yunho, who was so warm and sweet and kept one hand intertwined with Jaejoong’s the whole ride home, was almost better than the movies.
“Come on babe, it’s our stop.”
They dismounted the last bus of the evening and Changmin rubbed his eyes sleepily. The dark was still providing cover.
“You called me babe,” he giggled.
Yoochun chuckled and wrapped his arms around Changmin’s waist and brought their foreheads together. They could only see each other's outlines in the darkness, but they could feel each other’s warmth. It was enough-more than enough, it was so much.
“You become a new person at nighttime.”
Changmin shook his head. “Same person, just with less inhibitions.”
“Yeah, seems that way.” Yoochun trailed his fingers down the side of Changmin’s face. “Hey, Changmin-ah, I don’t mean to end our night on a serious note but I-” He trailed off.
“What is it?”
Knowing full well he’d never be able to talk like this were it daylight, Yoochun thanked the darkness for providing courage. “Changmin-ah, I don’t know what will happen to us after the summer ends. I don’t. But for now, at least, while I’m still here, I want to see where this goes. And, who knows, I know we’re young and haven’t known each other long but maybe…at the end of next month…if…if we’re willing…maybe we can try long-distance.”
Changmin didn’t respond. He couldn’t. He kissed Yoochun and hoped the message got through-oh, Yoochun, the fact that you’re even thinking about it. You like me as much as I like you, don’t you?
“Yeah,” Yoochun groaned. He seemed to get the message.
Changmin pulled back, grinning. “I’ll see you soon, Yoochun. Good night.” He waved and headed up the path to his house. Yoochun watched him go in, then walked back to his home for the summer in a daze. His lips wouldn’t stop tingling, and the stars above, dim though they were behind the city-sky clouds, were endlessly twinkling.
As soon as he got back in, he headed to his and Jaejoong’s room and texted Yoohwan everything, as promised. He knew he’d have to call him soon and explain it all more clearly, but just then he heard his Aunt Mina in the kitchen talking to his uncle and his mother.
“Where is that boy? He’s supposed to have been back by now. And he’s not answering his phone.”
“Mina, darling, maybe he’s on his way. Let’s just wait another half hour. Our boy’s responsible.”
Mina snapped. “You said that a half hour ago! No, I’m going out to look for him, and if you don’t hear from me in an hour, call the police.”
Yoochun cursed. He had to do something. He grabbed his phone and rushed out into the living room.
“Hey, Jaejoong just texted me! He’s at the bus stop. I’m going to go get him. Be back in fifteen minutes! We might stop at the convenience store, so maybe twenty-five.” And he strode out the door before they could ask him any questions.
They pulled up to Jaejoong’s street but stopped a few houses soon.
“Oh, my house is the one down there.”
“I know.” Yunho said. He sounded nervous.
Jaejoong turned around to look at him. Every handsome bit of him. Brown hair that looked so soft to touch. Tan skin from hours spent under the sun playing soccer. Broad shoulders and a lean abdomen. A perfect, perfect man.
“I had a really good time tonight, Jaejoong.” Yunho said. Like a line out of a movie.
“Me too, Yunho.”
“I’d like to go out again with you soon. I-” Yunho’s words got caught in his throat.
Jaejoong smiled and reached over to cup Yunho’s cheek in one hand. “You’re so sweet, Yunho. I’m looking forward to our next date.”
Before he could talk himself out of it, Yunho gripped the hand on his face and leaned in for a kiss. Jaejoong responded enthusiastically, kissing back and winding an arm around Yunho’s shoulders.
The nervous atmosphere dissolved instantly and soon they were giggling breathlessly again and their noses bumped and nudged as they continued to kiss. Yunho slid his hands down Jaejoong’s sides and gripped his hips tightly. Jaejoong moaned in response and then, in one swift and graceful movement, swung himself over so that he was straddling Yunho’s lap.
Yunho looked up in amazement for a moment. Then he smiled devilishly, as though scandalized but pleasantly so, before Jaejoong grinned wickedly and dove back down for more kissing. Before either of them knew what they were doing Jaejoong was fumbling for Yunho’s belt and Yunho was moaning loudly into Jaejoong’s neck.
“Oh, Jaejoong, we-we’re right in front of your house.”
“Shit, aah, yeah-we should-ah-probably stop.”
But neither of them were stopping. The windows were starting to fog up from their efforts. It was tumbling out of control, Jaejoong almost had Yunho’s pants undone when there was a sharp knock on the window.
“Oh shit,” Jaejoong hissed. He moved back to his seat, fixed his hair, and Yunho re-did his belt buckle before innocently lowering the window. It was Yoochun.
“Oh, hi, Yoochun! Um, Jaejoong and I were hanging out and we were just saying good night-”
“What are you doing here?” Jaejoong asked accusingly.
Yoochun had the grace to blush and look at something in the distance when he saw the state the two of them were in (chests heaving, hair out of place and clothes crumpled). He cleared his throat.
“Listen, I don’t care what the two of you were up to, but Jaejoong has got to get back inside now. Auntie and Uncle are getting worried and I told them I knew you were at the bus stop and I’d go get you so they wouldn’t come out and find…this.”
Jaejoong looked up suddenly. Yoochun had covered for him? Then he looked at Yunho. An understanding passed between them and Jaejoong kissed his cheek before stepping out.
“See you later, Jaejoong. Yoochun.” Yunho said.
“See you.”
“Bye, Yunho.”
As soon as he drove off, Yoochun turned to Jaejoong and looked at him with watery eyes.
“Jaejoong? I’m so sorry. I’m really, really, really sorry.” He was sobbing now. “I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to say those things I was such a dick to you and I didn’t mean to be and you’re like a brother to me now and I swear I just-I’m sorry.”
“Yoochun! Shh, stop crying, it’s okay! I forgive you!”
“You do? You really do? I threw out the cigarettes you know, I threw them away today. I don’t know if that means I’m going to quit or if it just means I’m going to buy another box but I was so mad at the way I acted today that I threw them.” He sniffed and wiped his nose on his sleeve.
Jaejoong looked at his cousin, stunned. “Wow, you did? Okay, I get it then, you’re really sorry. I’ve already forgiven you.” He hugged Yoochun tightly and let him cry it out.
“Come on, let’s go inside. I have a lot to tell you,” Jaejoong said.
“I do too. I kissed Changmin.”
“WHAT?! YOU WHAT?!” Jaejoong slapped Yoochun’s arms repeatedly out of excitement.
“Ow.”
“OH MY GOD.”
“OKAY, yes I know! But you clearly did more than me tonight!”
“Oh, yeah, heh heh.” Jaejoong had a stupid grin on his face.
“Fix your clothes. It’s really obvious.”
Jaejoong smoothed out his shirt and made sure his pants were zipped and buttoned. He smoothed out his hair as much as he could.
“Okay, better.”
They entered to a house full of family eating ice cream and watching a movie. Jaejoong and Yoochun whispered “hello” and were ignored and shushed. They excused themselves to their room and while Yoochun showered, Jaejoong nicked a pint of ice cream and two spoons for just the two of them to share. Yoochun started on it while Jaejoong showered next, and called Yoohwan.
“I got your text. Congrats. Since when are you bi?”
“Thanks, Rickster. Since forever, I guess, but I only really started becoming vaguely aware of it a couple of years ago, I think.”
“How’d you know?”
“I dunno, I guess I just noticed guys, too. You know, like, I’d check them out. Okay this is kind of embarrassing, but do you remember Chandler?”
“One of the guys you hang out with sometimes? Skateboard, sandy blond hair?”
“Yeah. I think I had a crush on him in my first year of high school. And maybe part of middle school too.”
Yoohwan whistled on the other end. “How come you never dated guys? If you liked some of them.”
“Are you serious? I wasn’t ready to come out. And I don’t know any queer people in my high school.”
“I can’t believe you came out in Korea and not here.”
“I’m still not out.”
“You have a boyfriend.”
Yoochun giggled. “Yeah, I guess I do.”
Jaejoong wandered back in, toweling his hair, and sat down next to Yoochun and started eating ice cream and flipping through a magazine.
“So, thanks for telling me everything. Do you think you guys are going to be…I dunno, serious?”
“Hmm. Hard to say. It’s really early on. But Ricky…I think I really like him. I mean, he’s gorgeous. And so smart.” Yoochun sighed dreamily. And Jaejoong knew enough English to know what ‘really like’ and ‘gorgeous’ meant.
“Ugh, okay I get it now stop, you’re grossing me out. I’m not used to you being all…romantic.”
“There is much you do not know about your brother, young one.”
“Whatever. Don’t fall too deep and then forget about poor old me here in the states.”
“Aww, Rick, you know I couldn’t. I’ll be back before you know it.”
“I’ll be holding you to that. Good night, hyung.”
“Night, Rickster.” Yoochun hung up and ate another spoonful of ice cream. It was strawberry flavor and it was creamy and delicious.
“Okay,” he said through a mouthful of frozen pink delight, “so tell me about Yunho!”
Jaejoong sighed deeply and lay back on the floor. He launched into the story and Yoochun listened attentively. Jaejoong went on and on about how Yunho was a perfect gentlemen, perfectly charming, spared no expense, and treated him so well. When it was over, Yoochun relayed back his evening with Changmin. He spared no details. Jaejoong looked at him with an odd expression, and at the end he said: “you seem deeper in than I am.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Uh, hello? The elegance of his cheekbones that no actress could rival, the silkiness of his black hair, his impish grins and sly words under the cover of night? I don’t know when you got so good at speaking Korean but you sound like a damn poet right now.”
“Oh.”
“’Oh’ is right. And by the way, I knew you were gay.”
“I’m not gay!”
“Okay, okay, bisexual. Still half gay.”
“Whatever. I like Changmin. A lot. He happens to be male.”
“And you really like that he’s taller than you and smells musky, not fruity or flowery, and is hard and muscular, not soft and squishy, and is tan, not white as a ghost, and-”
“Okay, OKAY! I get it! Yes, I like him and I like dick!”
Jaejoong dropped his ice cream spoon and his jaw, then burst out laughing. Yoochun tried to defend his crass declaration, but ended up laughing too. They laughed so hard they teared up and their stomachs hurt. The two cousins giggled and kept talking in whispers until they couldn’t keep their eyes open anymore and drifted off to sleep. All was well.
When Yoochun stepped outside the following morning, his heart sank straight down into the pit of his stomach. The air was now late summer air. Growing up, Yoochun was always sensitive to the changing of the seasons, even the subtlest shifts, and he knew now that the season was beginning to shift toward late summer because the wind was now scorching hot instead of pleasantly hot, the bloomed flowers were beginning to wilt from the extended and excessive heat, and the air felt heavy with dust and sun, not light and clean like it does in early summer. However much he wished this summer would last, it would end. And the end was drawing nearer.
He walked over to Changmin’s house and knocked on the door. A glassy-eyed girl answered the door. Changmin’s youngest sister.
“Hi there Jiyeon, is your brother home?”
The girl burst out crying and called for Changmin. Yoochun fretted over the girl and tried to calm her down, but it was no use. She sobbed horribly.
“What’s wrong?” Changmin asked as he came into view.
“I-I’m sorry! I just asked if you were home and she…”
“Yoochun, I’m sorry, but now isn’t a good time for me to come outside. I should have texted you this morning before you came here, but it’s been very hectic since early in the morning. Please leave for now and I promise I’ll explain everything as soon as I can. Come on in, now, Jiyeon, shh, it’ll be okay…” Changmin wrapped his arms around his tiny sister and shot Yoochun an apologetic look before gently closing the front door.
Before Yoochun could even process what was going on, his phone buzzed with a message from Jaejoong.
Please come to the store as soon as you can. I’m panicking and I need you right now.
Yoochun ran.
“What’s wrong, Jaejoong? Are you okay?”
“Yoochun-ah…I think my parents know I went on a date with a boy last night.”
Yoochun felt the color drain from his face. “What? How?”
Jaejoong was pale and dazed-looking. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “Maybe someone they know saw me and told them? Maybe they knew you were covering for me, maybe they’ve had suspicions? I’m not ready, god I’m not ready to come out to them, Yoochun.”
“Okay, okay,” Yoochun murmured, sitting down next to his cousin. “Listen, just breathe, okay?” He hoped he sounded sure of himself, because he thought his voice was trembling. Yoochun had no idea what he was doing but it seemed like a good thing to tell someone who was freaking out.
“Mm-hmm.” Jaejoong took a deep breath.
“Okay, good. Keep doing that.”
Jaejoong kept breathing and breathing, and he eventually calmed down slightly.
“I just…I always thought that when I told them, it would be on my terms.”
“Yeah.”
“Do your parents know?”
Yoochun laughed. “No. But, I think my mom might be somewhat okay with it. She’s already lost a lot so she doesn’t want to lose me or Yoohwan. But my dad…hah, he’d probably beat me half to death. Anyways, he’s not part of my life so I wouldn’t tell him something like that anyways.”
Jaejoong hummed to let Yoochun know he heard, but was too preoccupied by his own stressful thoughts and worries to sympathize right now.
“Hey, it’ll be okay. I’m here for you,” Yoochun said, and held out his hand. Jaejoong looked down at it, then back up at Yoochun’s smiling face, and took Yoochun’s hand in his. Yoochun squeezed it, and bumped playfully into Jaejoong’s shoulder.
“I know you are. You being here this summer wasn’t a coincidence. This is the time I needed a brother more than ever, and you’re here, now. Thank you.” Jaejoong gave his cousin a brief hug before he got up, dusted his apron off, and got back to work.
Yoochun was on his way home when Changmin called.
“Changmin, what’s up? Is everything…okay?” Stupid question, Yoochun thought, of course it’s not okay.
“Hey, sorry about all that this morning. Uh, no, the situation has gotten worse, but I don’t feel like talking about it over the phone.”
“Where do you want to meet?” Yoochun asked directly.
“The park at the end of the next street over from mine and Jaejoong’s houses. And if it’s not too much trouble, please bring a couple bottles of ice-cold water.”
“I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
“I want to see you so bad.” Changmin murmured.
“I do, too, babe. See you soon. Be safe.” Yoochun hung up and dashed to his next destination.
Yoochun spotted Changmin lying in the grass in the shady patch under four huge, leafy trees dotted with pink and white flowers. He had his cap over his face. There was no one else around because it was painfully hot out. Yoochun walked up to him and knelt by his side and gently touched his shoulder.
“Changmin, I’m here.”
Changmin removed his cap and looked up with dark, doe’s eyes. “Oh,” he sighed, and pulled Yoochun into an embrace.
“Here’s some water. You look dehydrated.”
“Thanks.” Changmin drank slowly so as to not make himself sick from the temperature contrast.
Yoochun waited silently, keeping his eyes on Changmin.
“His condition’s worsened. He’s been admitted in the hospital. We woke up this morning to the worst coughing fit we’d ever heard and knew we had to rush him to the E.R. My mom’s not been taking it well. She’s lashing out at the three of us for any little thing. I was fine with her dealing with this situation in that way when she was just yelling at me, but I’m protective of my sisters, especially the little one. I don’t like seeing them cry.”
“I’m so sorry, Changmin.”
Changmin turned to face Yoochun. “Why is it that even when you know something bad is coming, it doesn’t make it any better when it actually happens?”
“I don’t know,” Yoochun whispered. “I wish I knew.”
Changmin closed his eyes and leaned forward to kiss Yoochun’s lips lightly. When he pulled back his eyes were still closed, but he smiled his first smile that day. He moved around in the grass and lay back down, resting his head in Yoochun’s lap. Yoochun smiled down at him and began stroking his hair.
“You really like my hair, huh?”
“Love it.”
“Well that’s good, because it feels really nice when you mess with it like that.”
Yoochun tapped Changmin’s nose affectionately and then continued his ministrations on his scalp.
“Tell me about what’s going on with you,” Changmin said. “I’ve had enough of my own drama for today.”
“Well…have you ever heard the saying that bad news comes in threes?”
“No. What does that mean?”
“Hm, maybe it’s an American thing. It means that if everything’s going well, something bad will happen. And that something bad will be three somethings. And it happened today. Yesterday was pretty much perfect. I got to spend time with you, kiss you, made up with Jaejoong after our fight, and talked to my brother while eating ice cream. Then, today, three bad things happened. I realized it’s now become late summer, so my return to the U.S. is approaching fast; Jaejoong almost had a panic attack, and your situation has worsened.”
“But my situation worsening can’t count as one of your three bad somethings. It happened to me, not you.”
Yoochun looked into Changmin’s eyes and stroked his cheek. “If something bad is happening to you it’s bad for me, too.”
Changmin swallowed. He got up slowly, not breaking eye contact with Yoochun. He clambered over him, knees on either side of Yoochun’s thighs, and kissed him softly. Yoochun’s eyes closed slowly and he fell backward onto the ground. Changmin fell onto him and the surrounding trees pink and white flower petals fell all around them in a flurry. They kissed and kissed and Yoochun’s hands roamed all across Changmin’s sweating back and grasped his perfect, silk-like black hair. Changmin moaned and broke away to lick at the sweat collecting on Yoochun’s neck and on his dangerously sharp collarbones that Changmin loved to touch.
“I didn’t think I could fall this fast.” Yoochun said against Changmin’s mouth.
“I didn’t think I’d ever fall like this.” Changmin replied.
“But I have.”
“But I did.”
“Changmin.”
“Yoochun.”
It’s too soon to say it but I think I love you.
They kissed and they kissed and they did not stop. Lovebugs buzzed around the trees from which more petals rode the air down to the ground, dotting Changmin’s long, fluttering eyelashes and hair. The sinking sun caressed the horizon and splashed the sky pink, orange, and lavender. It would cool down, soon. People would come out for their nightly neighborhood walks. They had to stop.
Somewhere along the way they had switched positions so Yoochun was straddling Changmin. He was leading their kisses, each as heated and scorching as those hot summer days, and was finding it impossible to stop. Changmin tasted like the season-like fruits, like sweetness and fragrance, and like freedom.
He felt the first breeze of evening and shivered. “We have to stop soon,” Changmin murmured.
“I know. I’m trying, but you’re so…” So beautiful. So perfect. So worth the risk.
Eventually Yoochun found the strength to quell the beast inside and pull back. Changmin was a mess, but no more a mess than he would be had they been playing soccer with friends. He could use that to explain his appearance to his family, later. Save for the kiss-swollen lips, of course-he’d have to think up something else for that.
Slowly, they rose. The movement caused most of the petals that had stuck to their clothes to fall out, but several still clung on. Yoochun smiled kindly and began to pluck them out of Changmin’s hair and brush them off of his clothes. Changmin closed his eyes and let the feel of Yoochun’s hands roaming his body wash over him. When the hands stopped their gentle movements, Changmin opened his eyes and saw Yoochun looking at him intensely.
“I want to spend as much time with you as I can before I leave. I know it’s not going to be easy because of everything that’s going on, but I want to try.”
Changmin nodded. “I’d like that, too. There’s no point in denying you’re going to leave, no point avoiding that fact. We have to make do with what we have.”
In the distance, Yoochun spotted the first evening stroller coming out of her house. Their time was up. “You’re right,” he said. “Let’s go on another date Monday. And the day after that. Maybe not Sundays, because it’s the only days Jaejoong has off. And I need to spend time with the rest of my family, too, and they’re all home Saturdays.”
“That works out. Those the days my mom’s not at work and my sisters aren’t at summer cram school. I need to spend time with them, too.”
“Okay.”
“Daily weekday dates it is, then.” Changmin smiled.
“Yes, indeed. Please show this ignorant American all of your favorite things about your city.”
Changmin laughed, exposing two rows of perfectly aligned white teeth and a significant amount of pink gums too. His eyes turned up into crescent shapes, one much smaller than the other. His shoulders shook as he laughed. Yoochun loved to see Changmin laughing.
“Tomorrow’s Sunday. I’ll miss you,” Yoochun pouted.
“And I, you. Text me.”
“Of course I will.”
With a final, quick embrace, they left the park and headed to their homes.
Halfway there, Yoochun met Jaejoong who was coming back from the bus stop. He jogged up to his cousin’s side and sighed with relief. He was afraid of what he might have to face when he would enter his home, but having Yoochun at his side helped.
Yoochun smiled when Jaejoong came to join him. His head was hurting a bit from being out in the sun all day, even if he had spent most of it in shade. It was just too hot.
They walked in silence to the house. Jaejoong pulled his house key out of his pocket, and inserted it into the keyhole. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door.
Yoochun’s mother, grandparents, and aunt and uncle were all sitting around the table, stony-faced. When they saw Jaejoong enter, they looked at him gravely. Aunt Mina opened her mouth to say something. But before she could, a loud thud echoed throughout the house as Yoochun suddenly fell to the ground, unconscious.
a/n: sorry it took so long for this update guys. school's started and it's going to be busy. bear with me. i promise i'll finish this story no matter what! i've worked too hard on it to let it go to waste. please, please leave a comment if you read this and liked it! it gives me more motivation to write and update quickly. really, it's a two way relationship between readers and authors, and when readers leave sweet comments it makes my day and makes me inspired to write more. thanks to those people who frequently comment on my stuff- i love you guys! ♥
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pairing: yoochun/changmin; yunho/jaejoong
length: ~7100 wc (this chapter)
summary: Yoochun was born and raised in the U.S. and had never traveled outside of it. That changes when he graduates high school and he goes on a trip with his mom to Korea where he meets family, friends, and the boy-next-door named Shim Changmin.
CHAPTER THREE
The days seemed to go by quickly before Friday came. Yoochun spent his mornings lazing about inside the house with his family, playing games, texting Yoohwan, eating leftovers from the fridge or sleeping until noon. He also spent a considerable amount of time texting Changmin.
Jaejoong learned to be grateful for his job because it made the time until Friday pass faster as it kept him extremely busy. Yoochun visited him during the lunch break on Friday and brought the change of clothes that Jaejoong had packed carefully in a bag and then forgotten at home.
“God, what would I do without you?” Jaejoong sighed, snatching it out of Yoochun’s hands.
“Look frumpy on your first date with Yunho.”
“I’d rather die.”
Yoochun snickered and tucked into his lunch. After he finished eating, he lit a cigarette and offered one to Jaejoong, who politely refused. Yoochun raised a questioning eyebrow.
“I dunno, I mean, if the date goes well with Yunho, and we kiss or something, I don’t want to smell like cigarettes. Since, you know, he doesn’t smoke and all.”
“Oh. So are you trying to quit?”
“Nah. Not yet, at least. Maybe if somewhere down the road he asked me to…”
Yoochun took a long drag and exhaled slowly. “So if Yunho asked you to jump off a bridge would you do it? So dedicated already, before the first date.” His voice scathed with sarcasm.
“Well, no. Jumping off a bridge isn’t good for my health, but quitting smoking would be. What’s your problem, anyway, Yoochun?”
“Nothing, just that everyone seems to be fucking judging me for smoking. You’re not a saint, Jaejoong, you smoke too. Not having one cigarette a few hours before your date isn’t going to make Yunho magically fall in love with you and mount you on his white stallion as you ride off into the sunset toward his castle in the magic forest.”
Jaejoong got up quickly and balled his fists. “I’m not judging you, what the hell? And I don’t know why you’re being such a dick right now but I’m about to go on a first date with a guy I really like, so you should get the fuck out of here before you ruin my mood so completely that I fuck up my date.”
“And now some guy is more important than family, I get it.”
“Get the fuck out of here, Yoochun!” Jaejoong yelled.
“Fine. Bye.” Yoochun grabbed his things and stormed out. Anger bubbled in his chest and the hot sun outside did nothing to temper it. He walked and walked. Sweat poured down his face and back and drenched his clothes. He got on a bus and rode it until the last stop, and then he walked some more. He had no idea where his legs were taking him, but hoped that instinct would know better than anger and take him somewhere safe.
He ended up at the river. The Han River, to be precise. The sun was already setting by the time he got there, reflecting bright orange and yellow on the water. People were milling about, talking to one another. Little kids were running around with balloons as their parents chased after them. A girl sitting on the steps leading down to the banks strummed her guitar. Couples with linked arms stood around her, applauding lightly. Yoochun felt lonely in the crowd. He walked further and further down the bank until the crowds began to thin. The noise faded in the background and he could hear the gentle river waves lapping against the bank.
The anger had dulled. Now he just felt mad at himself. Jaejoong hadn’t said anything wrong, Yoochun was just being defensive. And for what? No one had made any attacks against him. He just felt that this one habit was garnering more negative attention than he had ever realized it would. Just then, he pulled the pack of cigarettes and stared down at it. Was it worth it? First Changmin got a first bad impression of him, then he got defensive over nothing toward Jaejoong. He constantly had to hide this from his mom, and of course his brother, too. Here, he didn’t have any delinquent friends to smoke with behind the skate park. Just family, all around him, all the time, who would surely be disappointed should they ever find out about his dirty little secret.
Yoochun raised his hand and chucked the box toward the river. It sailed over the green grass and almost made it into the water until a boy came running out of nowhere and caught it in one hand. He nearly lost his balance and toppled over into the water, but steadied himself. He stormed up to Yoochun and flicked his hair out of his eyes.
Changmin.
“I’m glad you want to get rid of these, but they belong in the trash, not the river.”
“R-right,” Yoochun stuttered. He was a bit flabbergasted that Changmin had just appeared out of nowhere, running at top speed like a superhero. Windswept hair really added to the effect. Yoochun was so awestruck that his heart skipped a beat. It had to be awe-it certainly couldn’t be because Changmin looked dazzling in the sunset. Surely not because Changmin’s cheeks were flushed from his heroic running and leaping to prevent Yoochun from becoming a littering criminal. Yoochun took back the pack gingerly and Changmin guided him to the nearest trash can.
“I never even thought about quitting, before.”
“What changed?” Changmin asked.
“I guess it’s harder to hide now. And I just don’t want to disappoint my family.”
“And?”
“And…and I don’t want to disappoint you.”
Changmin looked at him long and hard. The wind blew his black hair to and fro and Yoochun longed to reach out and stroke his fingers through the messy mop.
“Let’s sit,” Changmin said.
They sat on the grass, not really caring if it dirtied their clothes or if bugs would bite. Changmin lay back, hands under his head and elbows sticking out, and Yoochun imitated him. The clouds floated by, and they were tinged pink and orange against a darkening sky.
“You’re a bit more somber than usual,” Changmin said.
“Yeah, well, I was a dick to Jaejoong and I’m regretting it a lot right now.”
“He’ll forgive you.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“He’s family. He loves you.”
Changmin had no way of knowing how deeply those words struck Yoochun, who fell silent once more. The bugs continued their chiriping and what little crowd of people was left was dwindling down. Soon it would be night. Neither of them made any indication of wanting to leave.
“How are your sisters?” Yoochun asked.
“They’re fine. They both have a lot of friends to go out with.”
“And you? How are you holding up?”
Changmin sighed. “I’m hanging in there. Dad is getting worse and mom cries a lot. And when she’s not crying she’s taking her frustration out on us. It’s really annoying, but I’m old enough to know she doesn’t mean it, she’s just stressed and doesn’t have an outlet. My sisters don’t get that so that’s why I try not to leave them home alone with her.”
“You’re really grown-up, huh?”
Changmin only shrugged. “Happens when you’re the oldest. I’m sure you can relate.”
Yoochun gazed up at the sky. “My younger brother always seems so much more mature than me. I always cry, but he’s always so calm. I cling to our mom and he always seems so independent. But when it comes to dealing with tough times…I want him to lean on me, and I want to be the one protecting him. Even though he’s not a baby anymore…I just want him to have someone to look up to.”
“Yeah,” Changmin said. “I get it. Really, I understand.”
Night fell quickly and the stars emerged. It was still as humid as daytime, but some of the heat had dwindled. In fact, by the banks of the river, it was almost pleasant.
Changmin turned onto his side to face Yoochun, who was still looking up at the stars, though very few were visible in the big-city sky.
“What are you thinking about now?” Changmin whispered. He didn’t know why he was whispering, only that Yoochun was so close to him, there didn’t seem to be a need to speak very loudly.
“My brother. He told me to tell him first if something big happens.”
“Something big? Like what?”
Yoochun turned onto his side to face Changmin. The younger boy’s eyes were wide and alight with the glow of moonlight reflecting in them. His hair fell across his high and elegant cheekbones and jaw. Yoochun swallowed. He allowed his gaze to fall onto Changmin’s parted lips.
“Like this,” Yoochun said, and kissed him.
Changmin let out the tiniest gasp, closed his eyes, and kissed back. He wound an arm around Yoochun’s waist and traced Yoochun’s jaw with the other. If he was ever shy before, he wasn’t being shy now. Yoochun finally got to sweep his fingers through Changmin’s messy black hair and feel its silky texture and the sweat at its roots. Too soon, he pulled back. Changmin smiled with one corner of his mouth and leaned in for another peck.
“We should get going,” Changmin said.
“Yeah. I hope the buses are still running.”
“Should’ve thought about that before you assaulted me.”
Yoochun sputtered indignantly. “I didn’t assault you! You kissed back!”
Changmin laughed. “I’m only joking.”
They got up and dusted off their clothes. In the cover of dark, Changmin gathered the courage to grab hold of Yoochun’s hand as they set off for the bus stop. Both of their palms were sweaty and dirty from the grass. It was all perfect.
They waited at the bus stop, sitting at the lonely bench, and didn’t talk much. Yellow light spilled onto them from the streetlamp above and gnats flitted to and fro under the bright beam. Changmin sighed and leaned his head on Yoochun’s shoulder gently. Yoochun’s heart beat faster and he put an arm around Changmin’s slim shoulders as they rested against one another. The streetlamp flickered in and out of power before it finally gave out, flooding their bench in darkness.
That darkness provided cover, and it made Changmin brave. “I wish tonight wouldn’t end.”
“Me, too, Changmin-ah.”
“And I really, really don’t want this summer to end.”
“Why? Aren’t you tired of being at home in that tense situation? Don’t you wanna go back to school so you’re not stuck at home?”
“When the summer ends, you’ll leave.”
Yoochun had almost forgotten…he wasn’t here forever.
“And then I don’t know what’ll become of…”
Of us.
Yoochun didn’t know either. He tightened his hold on Changmin’s shoulders and kissed his hair. The stayed like that until the bus came. When it finally rolled to a stop and a sleepy looking grey-haired driver grunted at them to hurry up and get on, they walked all the way to the back seat and sat in it like they were still on their bench. They didn’t let go of each other’s hands the whole way. Changmin dozed off on Yoochun’s shoulder and Yoochun watched his chest rise and fall. He watched the little strand of hair that fluttered with each puff of exhaled breath. Changmin’s cheekbones were really a sight to behold-higher than those of any model or actress. This subdued elegance couldn’t be achieved with fame or surgeries-Changmin was born with it.
The bus rumbled on and Changmin hardly stirred. He was a deep sleeper. Yoochun looked out the window and realized just how late it had gotten. He wondered if the others were starting to worry. But he didn’t care enough to check his phone because he was too busy enjoying Changmin’s warmth against his body. What would happen to them when the summer was over? They were too young to know the answer and knew not what the future held.
The gruff, grey-haired bus driver rolled to a stop and Yoochun realized his time to contemplate was up. Gently, he shook Changmin awake.
Jaejoong changed in the store’s employee bathroom stall, stuffing his work clothes with more force than was necessary into his bag as he replayed lunch with Yoochun in his mind. He just couldn’t understand why Yoochun was being so mean. And on the day of his first date with Yunho, too.
Oh god, today was his first date with Yunho. He triple-checked himself in the mirror, then told himself he was being ridiculous and acting like a girl, then checked again and reasoned that it was not his fault he was acting like the eight other children he grew up around.
Dressed in his date clothes, Jaejoong returned to the store’s counter and began closing the shop. He locked up the cash register and started turning off all the lights in the store when the front door chimed and someone walked in.
“Sorry, sir, we’re closing.”
“Good,” said Yunho.
Jaejoong gasped and stopped what he was doing. “Yunho!”
“Hi there, Jaejoong.” Yunho smiled and brought out a single red rose from behind his back. “I-I hope this isn’t too cheesy or girly or anything.”
Jaejoong couldn’t help giggling. “It’s both, but I love it anyways. Thank you,” he said as he accepted the flower.
“You look really nice,” Yunho said.
“Thank you. You do too.”
“Are you ready to go?”
“Yes.”
Yunho showed him out the door to his car. It wasn’t anything fancy, not a sports car, but he was one of the only people their age who had his license and drove a car. It was very attractive.
Jaejoong got into the passenger’s seat and pulled on his seatbelt. The car smelled of leather and cinnamon. It was clean inside, no stray papers or old food wrappers anywhere, and the scent was coming from a tiny ornament hanging from the rear view mirror. Jaejoong pulled on his seatbelt and tried not to fidget too much in his seat but couldn’t help messing with the hem of his sweater. Yunho got into the driver’s seat and started the car, then played a CD. The music was in English, and Jaejoong couldn’t understand it, but he could tell it was romantic.
“Where are you taking me?” Jaejoong asked as Yunho started to drive.
“A Korean restaurant,” he replied, smiling mischievously.
Jaejoong hid his minor disappointment. He ate Korean food all the time at home and never understood why people liked to go out just to eat more of the same kind of food.
But when they got there, all complaints were forgotten. It was the fanciest restaurants Jaejoong had ever been to. A waitress showed them to their table-or rather their private booth-which was walled off by paper screen doors. There was a low wooden table in the center of the room and cushions on the floor to sit on. The decoration was astounding in its attention to detail and color coordination. As Yunho guided Jaejoong to his seat with a courteous hand hovering over the small of his back, Jaejoong couldn’t help but ask-
“Yunho, why did you choose this place? It looks so expensive.”
Yunho looked sheepish. “I just wanted to show you a good time.”
Jaejoong smiled and reached across the table to twine his fingers through Yunho’s. “I’m having a great time.”
Yunho smiled hugely and they launched into animated chatter about this and that and that and this. They were laughing when their food came in and hardly noticed as the waitress set down each artful dish on their table.
When something about Yoochun came up in the conversation, Jaejoong’s face fell noticeably. His lips turned downwards into a frown.
“Jaejoong? What’s wrong?” Yunho put down his chopsticks to reach across the table and hold Jaejoong’s hand in both of his.
“Nothing-it’s just…we sort of got into an argument today. Or more like…I don’t really know what I said, but he started yelling at me. It was really awful.”
“Oh, no, I’m so sorry. I know you guys are close.”
Jaejoong shook his head. “I just don’t know what I did wrong.”
“If you really don’t know, then maybe you didn’t do anything wrong, Jaejoong. Maybe he was just taking out his anger about something else on you. Which he shouldn’t have done, but…yeah.”
“Do you think if I talk to him later he won’t be mad at me anymore?”
“He definitely won’t. I bet he’s waiting for you right now, forming his apology in his head as we speak.”
Jaejoong smiled appreciatively and gave Yunho’s comforting hand a brief squeeze. “Thanks, Yunho. But Yoochun’s apology will just have to wait, because I am enjoying this food and this company way too much for the time being.”
“Ooh, then try this one, I love this one,” Yunho said, holding out a thin slice of grilled, seasoned between his chopsticks.
Jaejoong laughed. “That’s not how you’re supposed to eat it!” He took the slice in his own chopsticks and dropped a bit of red sauce onto it and then wrapped it in some sort of leafy green. “Here. Open up.”
Yunho bit down and moaned. “Really delicious. I still prefer my way though.”
“Your way is totally uncultured and crude,” Jaejoong teased. Yunho grinned like an idiot.
They pigged their way through another course and then dessert, then fought the oncoming food coma to walk off the calories outside in the warm night air. They couldn’t stop laughing over one thing or the other-maybe something Junsu did, or something that happened at school, or a stupid question that a customer had asked at the gardening store. Their arms were linked together as they walked around the same block over and over, too engrossed in one another’s company to notice that some people were staring.
Eventually, the moon rose to hang high overhead and it was time to go. They climbed into Yunho’s car and drove home. Yunho had another CD playing-a soft rock song that sounded like perfect slow-dance music. Jaejoong suddenly really wanted to dance with Yunho, but that wasn’t really possible seeing as they were in a car. In his mind’s eye, he saw the two of them slow-dancing to their own music in some secluded spot under the moonlight, just like in a movie. Though right now, Jaejoong realized with a start, reality with Yunho, who was so warm and sweet and kept one hand intertwined with Jaejoong’s the whole ride home, was almost better than the movies.
“Come on babe, it’s our stop.”
They dismounted the last bus of the evening and Changmin rubbed his eyes sleepily. The dark was still providing cover.
“You called me babe,” he giggled.
Yoochun chuckled and wrapped his arms around Changmin’s waist and brought their foreheads together. They could only see each other's outlines in the darkness, but they could feel each other’s warmth. It was enough-more than enough, it was so much.
“You become a new person at nighttime.”
Changmin shook his head. “Same person, just with less inhibitions.”
“Yeah, seems that way.” Yoochun trailed his fingers down the side of Changmin’s face. “Hey, Changmin-ah, I don’t mean to end our night on a serious note but I-” He trailed off.
“What is it?”
Knowing full well he’d never be able to talk like this were it daylight, Yoochun thanked the darkness for providing courage. “Changmin-ah, I don’t know what will happen to us after the summer ends. I don’t. But for now, at least, while I’m still here, I want to see where this goes. And, who knows, I know we’re young and haven’t known each other long but maybe…at the end of next month…if…if we’re willing…maybe we can try long-distance.”
Changmin didn’t respond. He couldn’t. He kissed Yoochun and hoped the message got through-oh, Yoochun, the fact that you’re even thinking about it. You like me as much as I like you, don’t you?
“Yeah,” Yoochun groaned. He seemed to get the message.
Changmin pulled back, grinning. “I’ll see you soon, Yoochun. Good night.” He waved and headed up the path to his house. Yoochun watched him go in, then walked back to his home for the summer in a daze. His lips wouldn’t stop tingling, and the stars above, dim though they were behind the city-sky clouds, were endlessly twinkling.
As soon as he got back in, he headed to his and Jaejoong’s room and texted Yoohwan everything, as promised. He knew he’d have to call him soon and explain it all more clearly, but just then he heard his Aunt Mina in the kitchen talking to his uncle and his mother.
“Where is that boy? He’s supposed to have been back by now. And he’s not answering his phone.”
“Mina, darling, maybe he’s on his way. Let’s just wait another half hour. Our boy’s responsible.”
Mina snapped. “You said that a half hour ago! No, I’m going out to look for him, and if you don’t hear from me in an hour, call the police.”
Yoochun cursed. He had to do something. He grabbed his phone and rushed out into the living room.
“Hey, Jaejoong just texted me! He’s at the bus stop. I’m going to go get him. Be back in fifteen minutes! We might stop at the convenience store, so maybe twenty-five.” And he strode out the door before they could ask him any questions.
They pulled up to Jaejoong’s street but stopped a few houses soon.
“Oh, my house is the one down there.”
“I know.” Yunho said. He sounded nervous.
Jaejoong turned around to look at him. Every handsome bit of him. Brown hair that looked so soft to touch. Tan skin from hours spent under the sun playing soccer. Broad shoulders and a lean abdomen. A perfect, perfect man.
“I had a really good time tonight, Jaejoong.” Yunho said. Like a line out of a movie.
“Me too, Yunho.”
“I’d like to go out again with you soon. I-” Yunho’s words got caught in his throat.
Jaejoong smiled and reached over to cup Yunho’s cheek in one hand. “You’re so sweet, Yunho. I’m looking forward to our next date.”
Before he could talk himself out of it, Yunho gripped the hand on his face and leaned in for a kiss. Jaejoong responded enthusiastically, kissing back and winding an arm around Yunho’s shoulders.
The nervous atmosphere dissolved instantly and soon they were giggling breathlessly again and their noses bumped and nudged as they continued to kiss. Yunho slid his hands down Jaejoong’s sides and gripped his hips tightly. Jaejoong moaned in response and then, in one swift and graceful movement, swung himself over so that he was straddling Yunho’s lap.
Yunho looked up in amazement for a moment. Then he smiled devilishly, as though scandalized but pleasantly so, before Jaejoong grinned wickedly and dove back down for more kissing. Before either of them knew what they were doing Jaejoong was fumbling for Yunho’s belt and Yunho was moaning loudly into Jaejoong’s neck.
“Oh, Jaejoong, we-we’re right in front of your house.”
“Shit, aah, yeah-we should-ah-probably stop.”
But neither of them were stopping. The windows were starting to fog up from their efforts. It was tumbling out of control, Jaejoong almost had Yunho’s pants undone when there was a sharp knock on the window.
“Oh shit,” Jaejoong hissed. He moved back to his seat, fixed his hair, and Yunho re-did his belt buckle before innocently lowering the window. It was Yoochun.
“Oh, hi, Yoochun! Um, Jaejoong and I were hanging out and we were just saying good night-”
“What are you doing here?” Jaejoong asked accusingly.
Yoochun had the grace to blush and look at something in the distance when he saw the state the two of them were in (chests heaving, hair out of place and clothes crumpled). He cleared his throat.
“Listen, I don’t care what the two of you were up to, but Jaejoong has got to get back inside now. Auntie and Uncle are getting worried and I told them I knew you were at the bus stop and I’d go get you so they wouldn’t come out and find…this.”
Jaejoong looked up suddenly. Yoochun had covered for him? Then he looked at Yunho. An understanding passed between them and Jaejoong kissed his cheek before stepping out.
“See you later, Jaejoong. Yoochun.” Yunho said.
“See you.”
“Bye, Yunho.”
As soon as he drove off, Yoochun turned to Jaejoong and looked at him with watery eyes.
“Jaejoong? I’m so sorry. I’m really, really, really sorry.” He was sobbing now. “I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to say those things I was such a dick to you and I didn’t mean to be and you’re like a brother to me now and I swear I just-I’m sorry.”
“Yoochun! Shh, stop crying, it’s okay! I forgive you!”
“You do? You really do? I threw out the cigarettes you know, I threw them away today. I don’t know if that means I’m going to quit or if it just means I’m going to buy another box but I was so mad at the way I acted today that I threw them.” He sniffed and wiped his nose on his sleeve.
Jaejoong looked at his cousin, stunned. “Wow, you did? Okay, I get it then, you’re really sorry. I’ve already forgiven you.” He hugged Yoochun tightly and let him cry it out.
“Come on, let’s go inside. I have a lot to tell you,” Jaejoong said.
“I do too. I kissed Changmin.”
“WHAT?! YOU WHAT?!” Jaejoong slapped Yoochun’s arms repeatedly out of excitement.
“Ow.”
“OH MY GOD.”
“OKAY, yes I know! But you clearly did more than me tonight!”
“Oh, yeah, heh heh.” Jaejoong had a stupid grin on his face.
“Fix your clothes. It’s really obvious.”
Jaejoong smoothed out his shirt and made sure his pants were zipped and buttoned. He smoothed out his hair as much as he could.
“Okay, better.”
They entered to a house full of family eating ice cream and watching a movie. Jaejoong and Yoochun whispered “hello” and were ignored and shushed. They excused themselves to their room and while Yoochun showered, Jaejoong nicked a pint of ice cream and two spoons for just the two of them to share. Yoochun started on it while Jaejoong showered next, and called Yoohwan.
“I got your text. Congrats. Since when are you bi?”
“Thanks, Rickster. Since forever, I guess, but I only really started becoming vaguely aware of it a couple of years ago, I think.”
“How’d you know?”
“I dunno, I guess I just noticed guys, too. You know, like, I’d check them out. Okay this is kind of embarrassing, but do you remember Chandler?”
“One of the guys you hang out with sometimes? Skateboard, sandy blond hair?”
“Yeah. I think I had a crush on him in my first year of high school. And maybe part of middle school too.”
Yoohwan whistled on the other end. “How come you never dated guys? If you liked some of them.”
“Are you serious? I wasn’t ready to come out. And I don’t know any queer people in my high school.”
“I can’t believe you came out in Korea and not here.”
“I’m still not out.”
“You have a boyfriend.”
Yoochun giggled. “Yeah, I guess I do.”
Jaejoong wandered back in, toweling his hair, and sat down next to Yoochun and started eating ice cream and flipping through a magazine.
“So, thanks for telling me everything. Do you think you guys are going to be…I dunno, serious?”
“Hmm. Hard to say. It’s really early on. But Ricky…I think I really like him. I mean, he’s gorgeous. And so smart.” Yoochun sighed dreamily. And Jaejoong knew enough English to know what ‘really like’ and ‘gorgeous’ meant.
“Ugh, okay I get it now stop, you’re grossing me out. I’m not used to you being all…romantic.”
“There is much you do not know about your brother, young one.”
“Whatever. Don’t fall too deep and then forget about poor old me here in the states.”
“Aww, Rick, you know I couldn’t. I’ll be back before you know it.”
“I’ll be holding you to that. Good night, hyung.”
“Night, Rickster.” Yoochun hung up and ate another spoonful of ice cream. It was strawberry flavor and it was creamy and delicious.
“Okay,” he said through a mouthful of frozen pink delight, “so tell me about Yunho!”
Jaejoong sighed deeply and lay back on the floor. He launched into the story and Yoochun listened attentively. Jaejoong went on and on about how Yunho was a perfect gentlemen, perfectly charming, spared no expense, and treated him so well. When it was over, Yoochun relayed back his evening with Changmin. He spared no details. Jaejoong looked at him with an odd expression, and at the end he said: “you seem deeper in than I am.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Uh, hello? The elegance of his cheekbones that no actress could rival, the silkiness of his black hair, his impish grins and sly words under the cover of night? I don’t know when you got so good at speaking Korean but you sound like a damn poet right now.”
“Oh.”
“’Oh’ is right. And by the way, I knew you were gay.”
“I’m not gay!”
“Okay, okay, bisexual. Still half gay.”
“Whatever. I like Changmin. A lot. He happens to be male.”
“And you really like that he’s taller than you and smells musky, not fruity or flowery, and is hard and muscular, not soft and squishy, and is tan, not white as a ghost, and-”
“Okay, OKAY! I get it! Yes, I like him and I like dick!”
Jaejoong dropped his ice cream spoon and his jaw, then burst out laughing. Yoochun tried to defend his crass declaration, but ended up laughing too. They laughed so hard they teared up and their stomachs hurt. The two cousins giggled and kept talking in whispers until they couldn’t keep their eyes open anymore and drifted off to sleep. All was well.
When Yoochun stepped outside the following morning, his heart sank straight down into the pit of his stomach. The air was now late summer air. Growing up, Yoochun was always sensitive to the changing of the seasons, even the subtlest shifts, and he knew now that the season was beginning to shift toward late summer because the wind was now scorching hot instead of pleasantly hot, the bloomed flowers were beginning to wilt from the extended and excessive heat, and the air felt heavy with dust and sun, not light and clean like it does in early summer. However much he wished this summer would last, it would end. And the end was drawing nearer.
He walked over to Changmin’s house and knocked on the door. A glassy-eyed girl answered the door. Changmin’s youngest sister.
“Hi there Jiyeon, is your brother home?”
The girl burst out crying and called for Changmin. Yoochun fretted over the girl and tried to calm her down, but it was no use. She sobbed horribly.
“What’s wrong?” Changmin asked as he came into view.
“I-I’m sorry! I just asked if you were home and she…”
“Yoochun, I’m sorry, but now isn’t a good time for me to come outside. I should have texted you this morning before you came here, but it’s been very hectic since early in the morning. Please leave for now and I promise I’ll explain everything as soon as I can. Come on in, now, Jiyeon, shh, it’ll be okay…” Changmin wrapped his arms around his tiny sister and shot Yoochun an apologetic look before gently closing the front door.
Before Yoochun could even process what was going on, his phone buzzed with a message from Jaejoong.
Please come to the store as soon as you can. I’m panicking and I need you right now.
Yoochun ran.
“What’s wrong, Jaejoong? Are you okay?”
“Yoochun-ah…I think my parents know I went on a date with a boy last night.”
Yoochun felt the color drain from his face. “What? How?”
Jaejoong was pale and dazed-looking. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “Maybe someone they know saw me and told them? Maybe they knew you were covering for me, maybe they’ve had suspicions? I’m not ready, god I’m not ready to come out to them, Yoochun.”
“Okay, okay,” Yoochun murmured, sitting down next to his cousin. “Listen, just breathe, okay?” He hoped he sounded sure of himself, because he thought his voice was trembling. Yoochun had no idea what he was doing but it seemed like a good thing to tell someone who was freaking out.
“Mm-hmm.” Jaejoong took a deep breath.
“Okay, good. Keep doing that.”
Jaejoong kept breathing and breathing, and he eventually calmed down slightly.
“I just…I always thought that when I told them, it would be on my terms.”
“Yeah.”
“Do your parents know?”
Yoochun laughed. “No. But, I think my mom might be somewhat okay with it. She’s already lost a lot so she doesn’t want to lose me or Yoohwan. But my dad…hah, he’d probably beat me half to death. Anyways, he’s not part of my life so I wouldn’t tell him something like that anyways.”
Jaejoong hummed to let Yoochun know he heard, but was too preoccupied by his own stressful thoughts and worries to sympathize right now.
“Hey, it’ll be okay. I’m here for you,” Yoochun said, and held out his hand. Jaejoong looked down at it, then back up at Yoochun’s smiling face, and took Yoochun’s hand in his. Yoochun squeezed it, and bumped playfully into Jaejoong’s shoulder.
“I know you are. You being here this summer wasn’t a coincidence. This is the time I needed a brother more than ever, and you’re here, now. Thank you.” Jaejoong gave his cousin a brief hug before he got up, dusted his apron off, and got back to work.
Yoochun was on his way home when Changmin called.
“Changmin, what’s up? Is everything…okay?” Stupid question, Yoochun thought, of course it’s not okay.
“Hey, sorry about all that this morning. Uh, no, the situation has gotten worse, but I don’t feel like talking about it over the phone.”
“Where do you want to meet?” Yoochun asked directly.
“The park at the end of the next street over from mine and Jaejoong’s houses. And if it’s not too much trouble, please bring a couple bottles of ice-cold water.”
“I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
“I want to see you so bad.” Changmin murmured.
“I do, too, babe. See you soon. Be safe.” Yoochun hung up and dashed to his next destination.
Yoochun spotted Changmin lying in the grass in the shady patch under four huge, leafy trees dotted with pink and white flowers. He had his cap over his face. There was no one else around because it was painfully hot out. Yoochun walked up to him and knelt by his side and gently touched his shoulder.
“Changmin, I’m here.”
Changmin removed his cap and looked up with dark, doe’s eyes. “Oh,” he sighed, and pulled Yoochun into an embrace.
“Here’s some water. You look dehydrated.”
“Thanks.” Changmin drank slowly so as to not make himself sick from the temperature contrast.
Yoochun waited silently, keeping his eyes on Changmin.
“His condition’s worsened. He’s been admitted in the hospital. We woke up this morning to the worst coughing fit we’d ever heard and knew we had to rush him to the E.R. My mom’s not been taking it well. She’s lashing out at the three of us for any little thing. I was fine with her dealing with this situation in that way when she was just yelling at me, but I’m protective of my sisters, especially the little one. I don’t like seeing them cry.”
“I’m so sorry, Changmin.”
Changmin turned to face Yoochun. “Why is it that even when you know something bad is coming, it doesn’t make it any better when it actually happens?”
“I don’t know,” Yoochun whispered. “I wish I knew.”
Changmin closed his eyes and leaned forward to kiss Yoochun’s lips lightly. When he pulled back his eyes were still closed, but he smiled his first smile that day. He moved around in the grass and lay back down, resting his head in Yoochun’s lap. Yoochun smiled down at him and began stroking his hair.
“You really like my hair, huh?”
“Love it.”
“Well that’s good, because it feels really nice when you mess with it like that.”
Yoochun tapped Changmin’s nose affectionately and then continued his ministrations on his scalp.
“Tell me about what’s going on with you,” Changmin said. “I’ve had enough of my own drama for today.”
“Well…have you ever heard the saying that bad news comes in threes?”
“No. What does that mean?”
“Hm, maybe it’s an American thing. It means that if everything’s going well, something bad will happen. And that something bad will be three somethings. And it happened today. Yesterday was pretty much perfect. I got to spend time with you, kiss you, made up with Jaejoong after our fight, and talked to my brother while eating ice cream. Then, today, three bad things happened. I realized it’s now become late summer, so my return to the U.S. is approaching fast; Jaejoong almost had a panic attack, and your situation has worsened.”
“But my situation worsening can’t count as one of your three bad somethings. It happened to me, not you.”
Yoochun looked into Changmin’s eyes and stroked his cheek. “If something bad is happening to you it’s bad for me, too.”
Changmin swallowed. He got up slowly, not breaking eye contact with Yoochun. He clambered over him, knees on either side of Yoochun’s thighs, and kissed him softly. Yoochun’s eyes closed slowly and he fell backward onto the ground. Changmin fell onto him and the surrounding trees pink and white flower petals fell all around them in a flurry. They kissed and kissed and Yoochun’s hands roamed all across Changmin’s sweating back and grasped his perfect, silk-like black hair. Changmin moaned and broke away to lick at the sweat collecting on Yoochun’s neck and on his dangerously sharp collarbones that Changmin loved to touch.
“I didn’t think I could fall this fast.” Yoochun said against Changmin’s mouth.
“I didn’t think I’d ever fall like this.” Changmin replied.
“But I have.”
“But I did.”
“Changmin.”
“Yoochun.”
It’s too soon to say it but I think I love you.
They kissed and they kissed and they did not stop. Lovebugs buzzed around the trees from which more petals rode the air down to the ground, dotting Changmin’s long, fluttering eyelashes and hair. The sinking sun caressed the horizon and splashed the sky pink, orange, and lavender. It would cool down, soon. People would come out for their nightly neighborhood walks. They had to stop.
Somewhere along the way they had switched positions so Yoochun was straddling Changmin. He was leading their kisses, each as heated and scorching as those hot summer days, and was finding it impossible to stop. Changmin tasted like the season-like fruits, like sweetness and fragrance, and like freedom.
He felt the first breeze of evening and shivered. “We have to stop soon,” Changmin murmured.
“I know. I’m trying, but you’re so…” So beautiful. So perfect. So worth the risk.
Eventually Yoochun found the strength to quell the beast inside and pull back. Changmin was a mess, but no more a mess than he would be had they been playing soccer with friends. He could use that to explain his appearance to his family, later. Save for the kiss-swollen lips, of course-he’d have to think up something else for that.
Slowly, they rose. The movement caused most of the petals that had stuck to their clothes to fall out, but several still clung on. Yoochun smiled kindly and began to pluck them out of Changmin’s hair and brush them off of his clothes. Changmin closed his eyes and let the feel of Yoochun’s hands roaming his body wash over him. When the hands stopped their gentle movements, Changmin opened his eyes and saw Yoochun looking at him intensely.
“I want to spend as much time with you as I can before I leave. I know it’s not going to be easy because of everything that’s going on, but I want to try.”
Changmin nodded. “I’d like that, too. There’s no point in denying you’re going to leave, no point avoiding that fact. We have to make do with what we have.”
In the distance, Yoochun spotted the first evening stroller coming out of her house. Their time was up. “You’re right,” he said. “Let’s go on another date Monday. And the day after that. Maybe not Sundays, because it’s the only days Jaejoong has off. And I need to spend time with the rest of my family, too, and they’re all home Saturdays.”
“That works out. Those the days my mom’s not at work and my sisters aren’t at summer cram school. I need to spend time with them, too.”
“Okay.”
“Daily weekday dates it is, then.” Changmin smiled.
“Yes, indeed. Please show this ignorant American all of your favorite things about your city.”
Changmin laughed, exposing two rows of perfectly aligned white teeth and a significant amount of pink gums too. His eyes turned up into crescent shapes, one much smaller than the other. His shoulders shook as he laughed. Yoochun loved to see Changmin laughing.
“Tomorrow’s Sunday. I’ll miss you,” Yoochun pouted.
“And I, you. Text me.”
“Of course I will.”
With a final, quick embrace, they left the park and headed to their homes.
Halfway there, Yoochun met Jaejoong who was coming back from the bus stop. He jogged up to his cousin’s side and sighed with relief. He was afraid of what he might have to face when he would enter his home, but having Yoochun at his side helped.
Yoochun smiled when Jaejoong came to join him. His head was hurting a bit from being out in the sun all day, even if he had spent most of it in shade. It was just too hot.
They walked in silence to the house. Jaejoong pulled his house key out of his pocket, and inserted it into the keyhole. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door.
Yoochun’s mother, grandparents, and aunt and uncle were all sitting around the table, stony-faced. When they saw Jaejoong enter, they looked at him gravely. Aunt Mina opened her mouth to say something. But before she could, a loud thud echoed throughout the house as Yoochun suddenly fell to the ground, unconscious.
a/n: sorry it took so long for this update guys. school's started and it's going to be busy. bear with me. i promise i'll finish this story no matter what! i've worked too hard on it to let it go to waste. please, please leave a comment if you read this and liked it! it gives me more motivation to write and update quickly. really, it's a two way relationship between readers and authors, and when readers leave sweet comments it makes my day and makes me inspired to write more. thanks to those people who frequently comment on my stuff- i love you guys! ♥
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