(no subject)

Dec 09, 2006 06:17

I could give you a handful of reasons as to why I shouldn't do this, but only one reason as to why I should. And this one reason overpowers every negative reason and nothing is stronger. I could tell you how strong of a person I am, but i'm not. I'm weak as hell, and this is killing me from the inside-out.

Twice in the last week. Twice. And after all the speeches of you telling me you're an asshole and dicking me over, I still jump at the phonecall of you wanting to hang out. yes...tuesday's was my fault, but not last night. that was yours. Or. Nope. It was mine. I was sober and still let you be "you." I let you hold my hand, I let you touch my face when you kissed me. Get serious Kelsey. I thought you were stronger then that. You love her not me. You semi-admitted it when you told me that you didn't feel comfortable telling me what's wrong with you. You can't tell me because you don't want to hurt me. Well, wake up. I'm as far deep in as I'll ever be out. I'm as good as dead with this heartbreak that's been lasting me about 3 months now. I let us cuddle on the chair and I was damn comfortable, I didn't want to move, and you didn't either, you told me you were comfortable. with your hand around me, the other hand with your fingers intertwined with mine, and our legs tangled in warmth and both of us making jokes and smiling while watching two movies. I wouldn't change that for the world and you know that. maybe that's why you started calling me again. Or maybe you're jealous of the fact that you wanted to come pick me up last week but i couldn't go...so much for that because i wanted to tell you so bad that there was a guy in my bed, but i would never tell you, in hopes that if i did, you'd be jealous. Just like you were all those times at the bar, but hello...I'M NOT YOURS TO GET JEALOUS ABOUT WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEBODY ELSE.

...And this is to me needing to get the fuck out of this town, because when one of us has been drinking, it seems as though we want nothing more than to finish the night off with each other and a movie.

Tell me how that's being just friends. Huh? Fuck that. If that is being just friends than i have a hell of a lot to learn. In all reality though, i do because i am letting myself get deeper with you, knowing it means nothing to you as it does me.

And if you were wondering my one reason for staying. My heart keeps telling me to...
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