(no subject)

[kewwsey1433]

I'm kinda stuck with the border of being happy/sad. because he changes my moods and im so vulnerable that i let it happen, and that's my fault for being so weak and dependable, but that's how i am. i'm a sucker for love and affection, so at every chance i get, i grasp ahold and am too afraid to let go because the pain i have been experiencing is far worse then any i have experienced yet, with the exception is different situations with the past ones, but every situation is different, and this one hurts deeper than i would thought, but am i over-reacting? who knows. i don't know what to think anymore, or what i am supposed to think. should i let go? or hang on. god knows i don't want to just be friends, and god also knows that when we do hang out we are definately not just friends. he holds me through the night, and if that's just friends then hell im living this thing all wrong. i need some direction, and i believe im getting signs, but i am trying to avoid this broken heart. it just seems as though he likes me. but then again...i saw him today for the first time since i woke up thursday morning and left his house. no phone call all week or weekend at all. trying to tell me something? will somebody just fucking tell me what to do? i need help. direction. i need something. anything. i just can't do this anymore. i honestly just want to go home, as pussy-like as that sounds, but when im home with my family i forget about everything, and that to me is the best. claire too, helps me through everything here just by keeping my busy. im losing my sanity. and my dignity all at once.

You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair you know
To just keep me hangin' 'round

You say you don't wanna hurt me
Don't want to see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

You can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with
And just let me move on

Don't concern yourself
With this mess you've left for me
I can clean it up, you see
Just as long as you're gone

You not making up your mind
Is killing me and wasting time
I need so much more than that