have i told you i miss you, god how i miss you
so maybe all the signs really did mean something. after almost a damn year of talking to you, and over a year from seeing you...i wanted to give up so bad, but due to the fact you were my best friend for over three years and my boyfriend for a few months i can't give up. i knew that somewhere in there you truly did want to talk to me and that it wasn't me because frankly i knew i didn't do anything. so i im you because i dont have your phone number anymore, or any contact whatsoever besides your screen name. i was 110% sure you wouldn't answer, so i wasn't nice, but i had every right to be an asshole to you. all f a sudden i see that you were typing back, i figured ok, here he is telling me once again he doesnt want anything to do with me, but he says those words.."It's not me, it's her"...should i be nice? i mean what the hell. you could have at least let me know a year ago that ur life would turn out this way, but no, you wait until im an asshole. so we talk for a bit and even meet up. i thought it would be awkward, but it wasn't at all. in fact, it was like before we dated, we talked about everything and caught up, it was relieving and reassuring, but then why the hell did we have to sneak around and why did ur g/f call u 15 times in a half hour. and why if we were so close did we just lose contact like that. i dont understand a lot of things, and maybe thats why i cried the whole time we were online and the whole ride home after i drove away from seeing you. this may be the last time i do see you or talk to you, because frankly i dont know if i want you to sneak around your g/f like that or i dont want you to get in trouble, and i think if you really did want to talk to me the whole time, it could have been done. so many questions, i didnt think this had to be like this, but apparently im wrong. and why the fuck did our song just come on the radio while im writing this....strange and crazy, so basically this shit is so confusing. i dont understand any of it. well *****, i hope you get happy like you used to be, best wishes, and to let you know. i know you are better than that. you don't deserve this, hell i still consider you my top friend of all time, you know more about me then i know about myself after a whole year, and ill tell you what, you probably always will. i love you.