Big Decision.
A little backstory: Scott and I have been best friends since high school. After high school was over for a few years, our friendship turned into a relationship that last several years. For about the last half of that relationship, neither of us were very happy and we decided it was best to get rid of the relationship and to just be best friends again. What we have together is way more than just best friends, we're brothers. We are family. I know that no matter whatever happens, we'll always be "this." (I really don't know what "this" is officially called. So we'll call it "this.") (Go listen to our podcast. It's called "I'm So Sure" and you can download it on iTunes. You'll hear what "this" is.)
So our relationship ended and I decided to get involved with something where I could meet some new people. The internet was in its infancy, it wasn't so commonplace for people to meet each other online. At least it wasn't for me. I discovered the local gay film festival and decided to volunteer. It was in its second year. I tore tickets and held doors open for people. I really enjoyed it and was happy to be involved in something that was a fundraiser for a local organization that provides services and support for LGBT youth.
Over the years, my involvement grew- to the point where I am now the Director of the film festival. I've been involved with this for fourteen years now.
The film festival is how I met Lewis. He produced a film we were playing and I had talked to him several times (through email) while we were negotiating things for his film. One thing lead to another... fast forward a bit... he moved to Indianapolis and into my house.
The two years since he died have been a bit of a rollercoaster. I am fine, I'm getting through it all. I have more good days than bad days. Once in awhile, I hit a speed bump but everything is okay. However, I find myself feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness when I reach the time of year when I have to start doing film festival things. His whole work life was film festivals, gay movies, gay this and that, etc. It's taken me awhile to figure out where my sadness is coming from and why. I needed to figure out what the deal is.
I'm tired of feeling so sad. Lewis would absolutely hate that. It's not what he would want for me at all. I find myself watching films that are submitted and it doesn't even matter what the content of the film is. I get so sad. I think it's why I must love Melissa McCarthy movies so much. She makes me so happy, the same way "I Love Lucy" does. Watching Melissa or Lucy, I forget about everything. I just want to laugh.
I don't want to do the film festival anymore.
Lewis laughed constantly, he loved life. He loved what he did. He loved me.
I know he'd be happy and relieved that I'm not alone. Aaron loves me now. Aaron deserves the best, happy version of me I can muster up.
I told the film festival committee this past week this is my last year. I told them why. Things are different with my mom now, too. Ever since she was sick last year, I have to do a lot of things for her. I'm happy I can do those things. I just don't have as much time for other things. What it boils down to is, I don't want to have to make the time for the film festival. I want less stress. I'm 48 years old now. Who knows how much longer any of us have here. When Lewis died I quickly learned you have to make every moment count.
So I'm making every moment count. I'm going to do what I want to do. I'll always be supportive of the film festival. Who knows, some day I may want to go back and do something for them in a smaller way. But it'll be awhile.
I'm super happy with this decision. Aaron wants me to be happy so he's supportive of what I want to do. My mom is happy.
I know Lewis would be happy, too.
So our relationship ended and I decided to get involved with something where I could meet some new people. The internet was in its infancy, it wasn't so commonplace for people to meet each other online. At least it wasn't for me. I discovered the local gay film festival and decided to volunteer. It was in its second year. I tore tickets and held doors open for people. I really enjoyed it and was happy to be involved in something that was a fundraiser for a local organization that provides services and support for LGBT youth.
Over the years, my involvement grew- to the point where I am now the Director of the film festival. I've been involved with this for fourteen years now.
The film festival is how I met Lewis. He produced a film we were playing and I had talked to him several times (through email) while we were negotiating things for his film. One thing lead to another... fast forward a bit... he moved to Indianapolis and into my house.
The two years since he died have been a bit of a rollercoaster. I am fine, I'm getting through it all. I have more good days than bad days. Once in awhile, I hit a speed bump but everything is okay. However, I find myself feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness when I reach the time of year when I have to start doing film festival things. His whole work life was film festivals, gay movies, gay this and that, etc. It's taken me awhile to figure out where my sadness is coming from and why. I needed to figure out what the deal is.
I'm tired of feeling so sad. Lewis would absolutely hate that. It's not what he would want for me at all. I find myself watching films that are submitted and it doesn't even matter what the content of the film is. I get so sad. I think it's why I must love Melissa McCarthy movies so much. She makes me so happy, the same way "I Love Lucy" does. Watching Melissa or Lucy, I forget about everything. I just want to laugh.
I don't want to do the film festival anymore.
Lewis laughed constantly, he loved life. He loved what he did. He loved me.
I know he'd be happy and relieved that I'm not alone. Aaron loves me now. Aaron deserves the best, happy version of me I can muster up.
I told the film festival committee this past week this is my last year. I told them why. Things are different with my mom now, too. Ever since she was sick last year, I have to do a lot of things for her. I'm happy I can do those things. I just don't have as much time for other things. What it boils down to is, I don't want to have to make the time for the film festival. I want less stress. I'm 48 years old now. Who knows how much longer any of us have here. When Lewis died I quickly learned you have to make every moment count.
So I'm making every moment count. I'm going to do what I want to do. I'll always be supportive of the film festival. Who knows, some day I may want to go back and do something for them in a smaller way. But it'll be awhile.
I'm super happy with this decision. Aaron wants me to be happy so he's supportive of what I want to do. My mom is happy.
I know Lewis would be happy, too.