A new year.
It's been forever since I posted anything. Sorry Live Journal.
It's nice for me to come here and write about what I'm feeling. It doesn't even matter if no one is reading this. It's just for me. But if you are reading, thank you. I know this has become my "Lewis Journal"- not the most uplifting thing in the world but it helps me to write my feelings down.
In a few months it will have been two years since Lewis died. Just writing those words, "Lewis died", still seems so unthinkable. I'm not alone, I have Aaron. I love him very much and I know he loves me. It doesn't erase all my feelings about Lewis, though. Nothing ever will. Lewis is always going to be part of my life whether or not he's here on Earth or not. Which he's not. But he's with me, I can feel him. I know he's watching over me. I know he's happy I have Aaron.
I'm still in the house Lewis and I bought. Aaron is here with me. In fact, my mom is here right now, too. She fell on Thanksgiving- the result of being shaky from what she thought was a bad cold. It was pneumonia. She was in the hospital for eight days. When they released her, I brought her back here to my house. There are way too many stairs for her to navigate at her apartment. I'm in the process of finding her a new apartment. I'm glad that I have the space where I can do this for her since she's done so much for me all my life. I'll be happy when she's back in her own space, though. Not only so Aaron and I will have our house back to ourselves, but because she's very independent and really wants to be in her own space.
It was nice having Mom here during the Christmas season. We had a nice Christmas.
I thought a lot of about Lewis during the season, though. Christmas was a big deal for us, he loved it just as much as I did. I still have the robot pajamas he bought me to wear on Christmas Eve. I can't wear them, though. It would be too emotional and that wouldn't be fair to Aaron. It's fine, the pajamas will just hang in my closet where I have some of my favorite things that belonged to Lewis mixed in with my clothes. I've let go of most everything else, but having a few of his things in my closet feels good. I've had a few people tell me "Oh, you've got to get rid of everything that belonged to him in order to move on." Why do I need to "move on"? I'm not trying to erase his memory, I have great memories of Lewis. I loved him so very much. What's good and right for one person is not good and right for another. It's a shame people feel the need to offer advice, especially when I'm not asking for it.
I'm doing fine. If I want to have a tearful moment about Lewis, I'm going to have it. It's no different than all the moments I think about him and smile or laugh.
It's nice for me to come here and write about what I'm feeling. It doesn't even matter if no one is reading this. It's just for me. But if you are reading, thank you. I know this has become my "Lewis Journal"- not the most uplifting thing in the world but it helps me to write my feelings down.
In a few months it will have been two years since Lewis died. Just writing those words, "Lewis died", still seems so unthinkable. I'm not alone, I have Aaron. I love him very much and I know he loves me. It doesn't erase all my feelings about Lewis, though. Nothing ever will. Lewis is always going to be part of my life whether or not he's here on Earth or not. Which he's not. But he's with me, I can feel him. I know he's watching over me. I know he's happy I have Aaron.
I'm still in the house Lewis and I bought. Aaron is here with me. In fact, my mom is here right now, too. She fell on Thanksgiving- the result of being shaky from what she thought was a bad cold. It was pneumonia. She was in the hospital for eight days. When they released her, I brought her back here to my house. There are way too many stairs for her to navigate at her apartment. I'm in the process of finding her a new apartment. I'm glad that I have the space where I can do this for her since she's done so much for me all my life. I'll be happy when she's back in her own space, though. Not only so Aaron and I will have our house back to ourselves, but because she's very independent and really wants to be in her own space.
It was nice having Mom here during the Christmas season. We had a nice Christmas.
I thought a lot of about Lewis during the season, though. Christmas was a big deal for us, he loved it just as much as I did. I still have the robot pajamas he bought me to wear on Christmas Eve. I can't wear them, though. It would be too emotional and that wouldn't be fair to Aaron. It's fine, the pajamas will just hang in my closet where I have some of my favorite things that belonged to Lewis mixed in with my clothes. I've let go of most everything else, but having a few of his things in my closet feels good. I've had a few people tell me "Oh, you've got to get rid of everything that belonged to him in order to move on." Why do I need to "move on"? I'm not trying to erase his memory, I have great memories of Lewis. I loved him so very much. What's good and right for one person is not good and right for another. It's a shame people feel the need to offer advice, especially when I'm not asking for it.
I'm doing fine. If I want to have a tearful moment about Lewis, I'm going to have it. It's no different than all the moments I think about him and smile or laugh.