GAH!! plus a bit of melodrama for your reading pleasure
I hate knitting right now. hate it hate it hate it. I frogged a scarf today, started over, and now I'm going to have to frog it AGAIN because I can't fucking figure out Seed/Moss stitch. I did it right the first time, but I had an even number of stitches, which made the pattern I wanted to do impossible. So I frogged it and started over with an odd number of stitches, which will make the pattern I want to do possible, but I inadvertently ended up with a stupid 1x1 rib instead of pretty seed stitch. Fukitol. I feel like I'm never going to get it right, and the added pressure of this scarf being for my mother does not make it any easier to deal with, since we're both perfectionists, and I am hungry for her approval, attention, and affection. I wish I weren't. I wish I could just relax and knit the damn thing and be done with it.
I'm coming down with some sort of sore throat thingy. This makes me very unhappy.
I've been eating too many carbs/sugar and not enough protein, using the wintry weather as an excuse for giving in to cravings. As a result, I yelled at Lynx earlier today and am generally in a frustrated, foul mood where nothing feels right and I'm mad at the world.
I am hosting another Thousand Cats meeting on Friday and I feel like no one is going to show up even though they say they are. There were only three people last time, which made me feel so horrible and unloved and abandoned because it was the first meeting since April and I was expecting a much bigger turnout. Lots of people couldn't make it -- all with perfectly good reasons, but I'm tired of putting on a happy face about it or, rather, not saying much about it at all. I'm grateful for those who were able to make it to the last meeting, but I'm generally insecure about the whole ordeal. Next month I'm trying the 2nd and 4th Saturday afternoons to see how that affects attendance.
I want to see this group flourish. I want to be able to have enough regular attendance to be able to ask for donations so that supplies could be purchased for group projects like teaching people to etch glass or paint with acrylics or make a bracelet. I want people to know how to embroider, make a bag that doesn't entirely look handmade, bind a book on their own, or at least be able to create something they're proud of. Anything. I want people to be able to use their imagination and skill to create a happier environment for themselves and give them a boost in confidence because they know how to do stuff. I don't like feeling limited by my lack of knowledge. I want to know how to do everything! I want to be able to choose whether I do something based on a whim and not whether I have the appropriate skill set. It's about empowerment, really. That's what I want this group to be about. I just wish I felt more enthusiasm and follow-through from other people. :(
I'm going to go frog my scarf and start over again.
I'm coming down with some sort of sore throat thingy. This makes me very unhappy.
I've been eating too many carbs/sugar and not enough protein, using the wintry weather as an excuse for giving in to cravings. As a result, I yelled at Lynx earlier today and am generally in a frustrated, foul mood where nothing feels right and I'm mad at the world.
I am hosting another Thousand Cats meeting on Friday and I feel like no one is going to show up even though they say they are. There were only three people last time, which made me feel so horrible and unloved and abandoned because it was the first meeting since April and I was expecting a much bigger turnout. Lots of people couldn't make it -- all with perfectly good reasons, but I'm tired of putting on a happy face about it or, rather, not saying much about it at all. I'm grateful for those who were able to make it to the last meeting, but I'm generally insecure about the whole ordeal. Next month I'm trying the 2nd and 4th Saturday afternoons to see how that affects attendance.
I want to see this group flourish. I want to be able to have enough regular attendance to be able to ask for donations so that supplies could be purchased for group projects like teaching people to etch glass or paint with acrylics or make a bracelet. I want people to know how to embroider, make a bag that doesn't entirely look handmade, bind a book on their own, or at least be able to create something they're proud of. Anything. I want people to be able to use their imagination and skill to create a happier environment for themselves and give them a boost in confidence because they know how to do stuff. I don't like feeling limited by my lack of knowledge. I want to know how to do everything! I want to be able to choose whether I do something based on a whim and not whether I have the appropriate skill set. It's about empowerment, really. That's what I want this group to be about. I just wish I felt more enthusiasm and follow-through from other people. :(
I'm going to go frog my scarf and start over again.