Mindfulness
I've been thinking a lot about mindfulness lately, mindfulness and meditation. I've been doing a lot of tasks that require attention but not necessarily thought (running, cooking, canning, etc...). My hope with them is to get myself to a point where these tasks are not only enjoyable (I'm working on that with the jogging. Maybe some day...), but meditative. That, while I'm peeling the pith off an orange rind or in the middle of making my way up Rock Creek Parkway, I can find the quiet, empty space inside. I've not had a regular meditation practice since... oh, probably my teens and I miss it. I think of it as a cleansing experience and something necessary, though apparently not necessary enough for me to take my monkey brain away from the TV for an hour and a half a week and have quiet time.
I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet, and it's frustrating, because in all of my life and most definitely my (practically non-existant) spiritual practices, I grapple with the concept of 'should.' I should be there. I can jog for 25 minutes at a time, I should be able to do it mindfully! Yes, I need to focus a bit on the trail to make sure I don't hit others or trip over branches, I need to listen to my body, focus on my stride and breathing, but I should take that extra 50% of me and just go to some zen plane. Instead, I count the minutes until I can stop, compare myself to other joggers in secret hopes of running faster or longer than them or sign along to songs on my iPod (kestrel127 - crazy jogger on Rock Creek since 2009!). I should have deep thoughts or be zen while chopping vegetables, but instead I replay old movies in my head or sing songs or listen to the radio.
I'm not in that mindful meditative place and I don't know if I'll ever be. I'll keep trying, though, and some sitting alone quiet time wouldn't hurt either.
I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet, and it's frustrating, because in all of my life and most definitely my (practically non-existant) spiritual practices, I grapple with the concept of 'should.' I should be there. I can jog for 25 minutes at a time, I should be able to do it mindfully! Yes, I need to focus a bit on the trail to make sure I don't hit others or trip over branches, I need to listen to my body, focus on my stride and breathing, but I should take that extra 50% of me and just go to some zen plane. Instead, I count the minutes until I can stop, compare myself to other joggers in secret hopes of running faster or longer than them or sign along to songs on my iPod (kestrel127 - crazy jogger on Rock Creek since 2009!). I should have deep thoughts or be zen while chopping vegetables, but instead I replay old movies in my head or sing songs or listen to the radio.
I'm not in that mindful meditative place and I don't know if I'll ever be. I'll keep trying, though, and some sitting alone quiet time wouldn't hurt either.