everything happens for a reason
in the clouds...holy shit, in the clouds. exactly what i needed. perfect timing and all, everything happens for a fuckin reason. could i be happier? i really don't think so.
so...everything was a little weird ever since the 14th. obviously, j hasn't written since that last time, and the nightly calls have officially come to a close. this time i'm sure of it. and yes it was hard to get used to, but this definitely feels natural. but i've still been kinda bummed.
mostly bummed cuz of j, and coming to the realization that i've got high hopes for the spring. as much as i try and act like i'm happy the way things are and that we'll just have to wait and see...i know damn well that i'm going to be freakin devasated if the ball is not in my court. and that scares me. so ad tells me that i need to start hanging out with other boys.
so i did. on monday night i went out w/ ry and some of his friends and it was a CRAZY ass night. got pretty drunk, the most i've been since summer. anywayz, it was crazy crazy crazy. but much fun. good therapy.
but wednesday night was even BETTER therapy. holy shit. let's just say, it was definitely worth the 9 year wait, and more. i really don't think anything could make me happier. i wanted that shit more than anything in the world. always have. he will always be the eternal butterflies in tummy no matter what the situation is, who's taken and whatnot, or how old i am. regardless, it's a big deal. a big ass deal. shit. still in shock. good shock. so fuckin happy.
so it was exactly what i needed. put things in perspective about j. all in all, and i'm not just making shit up to make myself feel better, i really am glad that we're apart right now. simply because of what happened on wednesday night. it was honestly worth everything, all the drama i've been feeling over j. 9 years ago, i would have given anything, anything to just get a call or a hug. shit i was fuckin pathetic. anywayz, now look at what i've got. it doesn't get much better than this. really. i feel like i'm 13 again. all giddy and shit. and if i was tied down to some guy in a different country...that woulda just been so damn stupid. this is what this time is for, and i'm taking advantage.
so...backing up. i pimped that paper and project that i was freakin out about a couple weeks ago. it was worth those late nights. last weekend was super chill. worked a little, studied, kicked it w/ jk and the girls for the first time in a long time. so much fun. by monday i basically already felt like i was on vacation cuz i didn't have much to do for those two days left of school.
so on tuesday i got the most random call ever. pleased that she made the effort. it was a step. it's been great being able to hang out with her ever since though. it was a big deal. updates on the past two years of life. a big deal. honestly, i really don't think i can ever forgive her completely. so what kind of impact will that have on our friendship? i don't know. maybe my feelings will change if i feel like she at least acknowledges what she put me through. because right now i still feel like she's too nonchalant about it.
so happy that ad is home for the week. we've been going nonstop ever since tuesday so i'm glad to be able to chill tonight. but man, it's been such an awesome week for the 3 of us. i'm happy that we are quitting while we're ahead. we've had so much fun, really couldn't have asked for a better week home w/ her.
sigh...good times all around. who knew this year would be so fucking jam packed. i'm so happy, so happy, so happy. and it's a great feeling.
so...everything was a little weird ever since the 14th. obviously, j hasn't written since that last time, and the nightly calls have officially come to a close. this time i'm sure of it. and yes it was hard to get used to, but this definitely feels natural. but i've still been kinda bummed.
mostly bummed cuz of j, and coming to the realization that i've got high hopes for the spring. as much as i try and act like i'm happy the way things are and that we'll just have to wait and see...i know damn well that i'm going to be freakin devasated if the ball is not in my court. and that scares me. so ad tells me that i need to start hanging out with other boys.
so i did. on monday night i went out w/ ry and some of his friends and it was a CRAZY ass night. got pretty drunk, the most i've been since summer. anywayz, it was crazy crazy crazy. but much fun. good therapy.
but wednesday night was even BETTER therapy. holy shit. let's just say, it was definitely worth the 9 year wait, and more. i really don't think anything could make me happier. i wanted that shit more than anything in the world. always have. he will always be the eternal butterflies in tummy no matter what the situation is, who's taken and whatnot, or how old i am. regardless, it's a big deal. a big ass deal. shit. still in shock. good shock. so fuckin happy.
so it was exactly what i needed. put things in perspective about j. all in all, and i'm not just making shit up to make myself feel better, i really am glad that we're apart right now. simply because of what happened on wednesday night. it was honestly worth everything, all the drama i've been feeling over j. 9 years ago, i would have given anything, anything to just get a call or a hug. shit i was fuckin pathetic. anywayz, now look at what i've got. it doesn't get much better than this. really. i feel like i'm 13 again. all giddy and shit. and if i was tied down to some guy in a different country...that woulda just been so damn stupid. this is what this time is for, and i'm taking advantage.
so...backing up. i pimped that paper and project that i was freakin out about a couple weeks ago. it was worth those late nights. last weekend was super chill. worked a little, studied, kicked it w/ jk and the girls for the first time in a long time. so much fun. by monday i basically already felt like i was on vacation cuz i didn't have much to do for those two days left of school.
so on tuesday i got the most random call ever. pleased that she made the effort. it was a step. it's been great being able to hang out with her ever since though. it was a big deal. updates on the past two years of life. a big deal. honestly, i really don't think i can ever forgive her completely. so what kind of impact will that have on our friendship? i don't know. maybe my feelings will change if i feel like she at least acknowledges what she put me through. because right now i still feel like she's too nonchalant about it.
so happy that ad is home for the week. we've been going nonstop ever since tuesday so i'm glad to be able to chill tonight. but man, it's been such an awesome week for the 3 of us. i'm happy that we are quitting while we're ahead. we've had so much fun, really couldn't have asked for a better week home w/ her.
sigh...good times all around. who knew this year would be so fucking jam packed. i'm so happy, so happy, so happy. and it's a great feeling.