Alone.

[kerryryan]

I haven't felt this sad for a while. I mean proper low. Well it's more like a dull aching, emotional feel. I feel so trapped but also catastrophic (sp?) with my life. I seem to break everything I have good going for me. I should be moving forward, I have so much to do in life but I'm losing belief. I'm not really looking forward to the future, I'm petrified of it, and the two directions it could go in. I feel like I'll never will be able to love and feel love properly, all I do is hurt people and myself. I just feel no good and lost. The worst of it all is I know I can change all this but I'm so scared of it and how I need to do it. I feel like I need to scream, my head is about to burst. But I know I've just got to get on with it. And alone, I've involved too many people now who have ust turned into casulties (sp?). Jenni's gone now for 5 weeks so I am really alone with all this.

I just want to be free. This has been ging on for way too long.