Fanmix - fall away from your past
Title: fall away from your past
Fandom: Star Wars
Character: Gara Petothel/Lara Notsil
Notes: Made for waywardmixes Round 9, "angst". Photos used come from a fantastic cosplay by Alanaowlet, used with her permission. My internet is being buggy, so I'm attaching a YouTube playlist for now, and hopefully will have a zip file up by the end of the night.
Spoilers: For Star Wars: X-Wing books 5 through 8.
"Then I infiltrated Wraith Squadron […], and things started happening. All the furniture that made up the way I thought and felt about things all my life started coming loose in my head. Nowadays it slides around and breaks into pieces and I have no idea what parts are real and what aren't. It hurts, and a lot of the time I don't know who I am anymore."
About: Part of the extensive Star Wars expanded universe, the Wraith Squadron novels (Wraith Squadron, Iron Fist, Solo Command) focus on a new squadron formed by Wedge Antilles to function as both commandos and pilots in the fight against Warlord Zsinj.
Gara Petothel is an Imperial Intelligence operative in deep cover in the New Republic's military. As part of her job, she changed data regarding a system, setting up an ambush that nearly destroyed Talon Squadron. Extracted from her post, she relocated to the Star Destroyer Implacable, helmed by Admiral Apwar Trigit. Through a series of events, the Implacable was destroyed by Wraith Squadron. Using a contingency plan, Gara adopted the identity of farmgirl Lara Notsil, claiming she'd been taken and used as a sex slave by Trigit.
Afterwards, Gara, under her new identity, relocated to Coruscant, where she was approached by two members of Wraith Squadron to enter pilot training and expose a colonel blackmailing trainees into helping his black market operation. It was during this time that Lara started to question all she had known. After the conclusion of the sting operation, Lara joined Wraith Squadron, and soon found herself becoming more immeshed in the unit and more disconnected from her former life. To add in another complication, she found herself developing feelings for the sole remaining survivor of Talon Squadron, Myn Donos. Her desire to fully lose herself in Lara Notsil's life was destroyed, however, when one of her unit members uncovered her past and she was forced to flee. Her life as Lara effectively destroyed, she joined Zsinj with the purpose of infiltrating and destroying him and his fleet, determined to right her wrongs even if it means giving up her life in the process.
This mix mainly covers the period of Iron Fist and Solo Command, focusing on Gara/Lara's crisis of identity and the conflicts that emerged from it. I'm not sure if I'm doing the character justice with either the mix or this description, because she's so wonderfully broken and complex. I highly recommend reading the Wraith Squadron books, not only for Lara, but for the rest of the characters there.
Some Nights ~ Fun.
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know anymore…
"All her life, she'd known not to believe the rebels and their simplistically optimistic propaganda. Now she could no longer put her faith in the forces that had taken her, trained her, shaped her. There was nothing for her."
Saving My Face ~ KT Tunstall
I'm all out of love, all out of faith
I would give everything just for a taste
Everything's here, all out of place
Losing my memory, saving my face
"She slept, and in her dreams Gara and Lara argued with one another, speaking words she could barely hear and couldn't understand, exchanging thoughts that would make no sense when she awoke, and she did not know which of the two wore her face."
Fear and Loathing ~ Marina and the Diamonds
I live my life in bitterness
And fill my heart with emptiness
And now I see, I see it for the first time,
There is no crime in being kind
[But] would never trust her again. No one would. That trust, she'd found, was more addictive than spice was supposed to be. She could not live without experiencing it again and wondered how she'd lived so long without it."
Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová
Well, you have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won
"Lara, I just want you to give me a chance. But even more, even if it's not with me, I'd really like to see you give yourself a chance."
Fall Away ~ The Fray
You fall away from your past
But it's following you
"I tried so hard to be Lara. But they wouldn't let me. The whole universe wouldn't let me."
Enemy ~ Flyleaf
I have made you an enemy
I have been my own enemy
I am asking for you to forgive me
For everything
"I want you to understand something. I don't care if you understand it now. I want you to understand it later. I have never betrayed the Wraiths. I will never, ever betray the Wraiths. Do you read me?"
What I've Done ~ Marié Digby
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done
"Gara Petothel is dead. Lara Notsil is dead. I will answer to those names. But they are no longer mine.
I am Kirney Slane.
I have no life yet. I will make one, or die in the attempt."
Dark Come Soon ~ Tegan and Sara
Hide to the edge and back, be there
Slow to make my move, I'm almost there
"But I know what I have to do. Whoever I am, I'm staying here, like a vibroblade right next to Zsinj's vitals, and when the time comes I'm going to stab him deep. That'll probably be the last thing I do."
Shake It Out ~ Glee Cast
And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road
And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope
It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat
DON'T.
"Oh, Tonin. I have to. I have to do this to be who I decided I want to be. Do you understand?"
NO. YOU'VE ALREDY REPROGRAMMED YOURSELF. THAT'S ENOUGH.
"I wish it were, but an intention isn't anything unless you carry it out."
YouTube Playlist
Fandom: Star Wars
Character: Gara Petothel/Lara Notsil
Notes: Made for waywardmixes Round 9, "angst". Photos used come from a fantastic cosplay by Alanaowlet, used with her permission. My internet is being buggy, so I'm attaching a YouTube playlist for now, and hopefully will have a zip file up by the end of the night.
Spoilers: For Star Wars: X-Wing books 5 through 8.
"Then I infiltrated Wraith Squadron […], and things started happening. All the furniture that made up the way I thought and felt about things all my life started coming loose in my head. Nowadays it slides around and breaks into pieces and I have no idea what parts are real and what aren't. It hurts, and a lot of the time I don't know who I am anymore."
About: Part of the extensive Star Wars expanded universe, the Wraith Squadron novels (Wraith Squadron, Iron Fist, Solo Command) focus on a new squadron formed by Wedge Antilles to function as both commandos and pilots in the fight against Warlord Zsinj.
Gara Petothel is an Imperial Intelligence operative in deep cover in the New Republic's military. As part of her job, she changed data regarding a system, setting up an ambush that nearly destroyed Talon Squadron. Extracted from her post, she relocated to the Star Destroyer Implacable, helmed by Admiral Apwar Trigit. Through a series of events, the Implacable was destroyed by Wraith Squadron. Using a contingency plan, Gara adopted the identity of farmgirl Lara Notsil, claiming she'd been taken and used as a sex slave by Trigit.
Afterwards, Gara, under her new identity, relocated to Coruscant, where she was approached by two members of Wraith Squadron to enter pilot training and expose a colonel blackmailing trainees into helping his black market operation. It was during this time that Lara started to question all she had known. After the conclusion of the sting operation, Lara joined Wraith Squadron, and soon found herself becoming more immeshed in the unit and more disconnected from her former life. To add in another complication, she found herself developing feelings for the sole remaining survivor of Talon Squadron, Myn Donos. Her desire to fully lose herself in Lara Notsil's life was destroyed, however, when one of her unit members uncovered her past and she was forced to flee. Her life as Lara effectively destroyed, she joined Zsinj with the purpose of infiltrating and destroying him and his fleet, determined to right her wrongs even if it means giving up her life in the process.
This mix mainly covers the period of Iron Fist and Solo Command, focusing on Gara/Lara's crisis of identity and the conflicts that emerged from it. I'm not sure if I'm doing the character justice with either the mix or this description, because she's so wonderfully broken and complex. I highly recommend reading the Wraith Squadron books, not only for Lara, but for the rest of the characters there.
Some Nights ~ Fun.
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know anymore…
"All her life, she'd known not to believe the rebels and their simplistically optimistic propaganda. Now she could no longer put her faith in the forces that had taken her, trained her, shaped her. There was nothing for her."
Saving My Face ~ KT Tunstall
I'm all out of love, all out of faith
I would give everything just for a taste
Everything's here, all out of place
Losing my memory, saving my face
"She slept, and in her dreams Gara and Lara argued with one another, speaking words she could barely hear and couldn't understand, exchanging thoughts that would make no sense when she awoke, and she did not know which of the two wore her face."
Fear and Loathing ~ Marina and the Diamonds
I live my life in bitterness
And fill my heart with emptiness
And now I see, I see it for the first time,
There is no crime in being kind
[But] would never trust her again. No one would. That trust, she'd found, was more addictive than spice was supposed to be. She could not live without experiencing it again and wondered how she'd lived so long without it."
Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová
Well, you have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won
"Lara, I just want you to give me a chance. But even more, even if it's not with me, I'd really like to see you give yourself a chance."
Fall Away ~ The Fray
You fall away from your past
But it's following you
"I tried so hard to be Lara. But they wouldn't let me. The whole universe wouldn't let me."
Enemy ~ Flyleaf
I have made you an enemy
I have been my own enemy
I am asking for you to forgive me
For everything
"I want you to understand something. I don't care if you understand it now. I want you to understand it later. I have never betrayed the Wraiths. I will never, ever betray the Wraiths. Do you read me?"
What I've Done ~ Marié Digby
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done
"Gara Petothel is dead. Lara Notsil is dead. I will answer to those names. But they are no longer mine.
I am Kirney Slane.
I have no life yet. I will make one, or die in the attempt."
Dark Come Soon ~ Tegan and Sara
Hide to the edge and back, be there
Slow to make my move, I'm almost there
"But I know what I have to do. Whoever I am, I'm staying here, like a vibroblade right next to Zsinj's vitals, and when the time comes I'm going to stab him deep. That'll probably be the last thing I do."
Shake It Out ~ Glee Cast
And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road
And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope
It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat
DON'T.
"Oh, Tonin. I have to. I have to do this to be who I decided I want to be. Do you understand?"
NO. YOU'VE ALREDY REPROGRAMMED YOURSELF. THAT'S ENOUGH.
"I wish it were, but an intention isn't anything unless you carry it out."
YouTube Playlist