(no subject)
i just got here
and i already want to leave
- phantom planet
hmm well. so much has happened since the last time i wrote in this thing. im not quite sure where to begin, so ill just start with something and branch off of that from there. i guess ill start off at retreat. im not gonna lie, last years was a blast. this year had a different twist to it, i guess mainly because im not that close with this years senior class. the talks were absolutly amazing and so incredibly inspirational. yet at the same time, its like i forgot how to be upset. yes i took that from peters lj, cause it made perfect sense to me. im so used to crying over everything, that lately ive been telling myself not to. as if its saying not to give in. i felt so coldhearted at times. but i guess thats the wrong word to use. i just cant think of another. like when the parent letters came out, i wasnt upset. some kids were crying real hard, i guess in the shock and how much parents dont tell us. but mine wasnt a shock. infact it was the same one as last year, only with a different opening. "congrats on national honor society" and they i guess thought i wouldnt remember, but to play it safe they changed the font. and that hurt- a lot. but for some reason i just didnt show it. i wanted to cry- i wanted to ball my eyes out. i work so hard for everything i do to please my parents and sometimes i honestly dont think they care too much. its always "we're so proud of you". think of a diffrent phrase. that one has lost meaning towards it. but siding on a different note, this year was weird. i thought about a lot, at times i didnt care who i was with. for awhile i sat by myself, and i was perfectly content with it. so many things ran through my mind. mainly how weird it was to realize that i am a junior. half done highschool. its scarey. scarey to think next year ill be the one giving advice. i dont think im ready at all. i dont feel like im almost a senior. i think im still lke 10 years old. and i certainly dont look like im almost 17. and in small group we were talking about one thing we miss the most. and mine was being little. i mean, being little you didnt have to deal with anything. you didnt have to worry about being accepted, what you wear, what matches what, how your hair isnt perfectly straight, who your boyfriend is, what your grades are. in 10 years from now i want to be married and start to have kids. it doesnt seem far away at all. and its scarey to me. i like being independent, but i dont know if i can handle that much independence. and looking at the seniors giving talks it freaked me out. they arent going to be here next year. just like the seniors from last year arent here. and that enough to me is wierd. and i miss them, alot. sometimes more then they know it. i took alot of friendships for granted back then. how i could just call for a ride, and they had no problem. now i beg for rides. but not only did i realize how much i took for granted back then, but i realized how much i take for granted now. in any second, things could just be taken away from me. and i dont remember that a lot. imso grateful for everything and everyone that i have around me. i really couldnt ask for anything better in the world. and everything is just improving its amazing. greg is finallly talking to me again- which is amazing. i missed him alot. and im glad things are getting back to where we left off. peter and i are getting back to being close like we used to be too. im happy he went this weekend cause i like hanging out with him. we ended up falling asleep together during one of the candle talks haha. michela and i are extremely close right now and im soo glad shes got my back. trezza is absolutly amazing. and i love you. theres so many more but i think i need more to talk about. titans lost. [ rec season ]. i had the best team everrr. at first i was scared i wasnt going to like it but i ended up loving it. i even scored a goallll =]. 133 more days until i can drive, which is so exciting. it seems so far away though. im single now, things with jason didnt turn out as planned. bummer, but im content with it. things will look up in that department eventually.im starting to slack in school already so i need to kick my own ass and bring al my grades up. which isnt too bad i suppose considering now gymnastics is over i have a lot more time on my hands. speaking of gymnastics, i miss it so much. it was such a good season and im so glad i was friends w all of the girls . cant wait til next year! i want to start running after school, anyone want to with me?
okay being that i had like 10 hours of sleep since thursday night, im so tired. i need sleep. i need a lot of sleep. i wish i didnt have a history test first period bc i would totally skip school. but i hate taking make up tests.
change your mind
and i already want to leave
- phantom planet
hmm well. so much has happened since the last time i wrote in this thing. im not quite sure where to begin, so ill just start with something and branch off of that from there. i guess ill start off at retreat. im not gonna lie, last years was a blast. this year had a different twist to it, i guess mainly because im not that close with this years senior class. the talks were absolutly amazing and so incredibly inspirational. yet at the same time, its like i forgot how to be upset. yes i took that from peters lj, cause it made perfect sense to me. im so used to crying over everything, that lately ive been telling myself not to. as if its saying not to give in. i felt so coldhearted at times. but i guess thats the wrong word to use. i just cant think of another. like when the parent letters came out, i wasnt upset. some kids were crying real hard, i guess in the shock and how much parents dont tell us. but mine wasnt a shock. infact it was the same one as last year, only with a different opening. "congrats on national honor society" and they i guess thought i wouldnt remember, but to play it safe they changed the font. and that hurt- a lot. but for some reason i just didnt show it. i wanted to cry- i wanted to ball my eyes out. i work so hard for everything i do to please my parents and sometimes i honestly dont think they care too much. its always "we're so proud of you". think of a diffrent phrase. that one has lost meaning towards it. but siding on a different note, this year was weird. i thought about a lot, at times i didnt care who i was with. for awhile i sat by myself, and i was perfectly content with it. so many things ran through my mind. mainly how weird it was to realize that i am a junior. half done highschool. its scarey. scarey to think next year ill be the one giving advice. i dont think im ready at all. i dont feel like im almost a senior. i think im still lke 10 years old. and i certainly dont look like im almost 17. and in small group we were talking about one thing we miss the most. and mine was being little. i mean, being little you didnt have to deal with anything. you didnt have to worry about being accepted, what you wear, what matches what, how your hair isnt perfectly straight, who your boyfriend is, what your grades are. in 10 years from now i want to be married and start to have kids. it doesnt seem far away at all. and its scarey to me. i like being independent, but i dont know if i can handle that much independence. and looking at the seniors giving talks it freaked me out. they arent going to be here next year. just like the seniors from last year arent here. and that enough to me is wierd. and i miss them, alot. sometimes more then they know it. i took alot of friendships for granted back then. how i could just call for a ride, and they had no problem. now i beg for rides. but not only did i realize how much i took for granted back then, but i realized how much i take for granted now. in any second, things could just be taken away from me. and i dont remember that a lot. imso grateful for everything and everyone that i have around me. i really couldnt ask for anything better in the world. and everything is just improving its amazing. greg is finallly talking to me again- which is amazing. i missed him alot. and im glad things are getting back to where we left off. peter and i are getting back to being close like we used to be too. im happy he went this weekend cause i like hanging out with him. we ended up falling asleep together during one of the candle talks haha. michela and i are extremely close right now and im soo glad shes got my back. trezza is absolutly amazing. and i love you. theres so many more but i think i need more to talk about. titans lost. [ rec season ]. i had the best team everrr. at first i was scared i wasnt going to like it but i ended up loving it. i even scored a goallll =]. 133 more days until i can drive, which is so exciting. it seems so far away though. im single now, things with jason didnt turn out as planned. bummer, but im content with it. things will look up in that department eventually.im starting to slack in school already so i need to kick my own ass and bring al my grades up. which isnt too bad i suppose considering now gymnastics is over i have a lot more time on my hands. speaking of gymnastics, i miss it so much. it was such a good season and im so glad i was friends w all of the girls . cant wait til next year! i want to start running after school, anyone want to with me?
okay being that i had like 10 hours of sleep since thursday night, im so tired. i need sleep. i need a lot of sleep. i wish i didnt have a history test first period bc i would totally skip school. but i hate taking make up tests.
change your mind