KEROO ANGRY! - Looking back isn't always a good idea...
Oh god. So, I had this really nice conversation with Megan just now over AIM. We joked around as usual for the most part, but I also made it clear that I wish we could be dating, and she didn't respond negatively to that like you would expect. So, yeah...that was nice, though sad as we can't date what with her going away forever in a couple of weeks. But I guess it's nice to feel like we are only not dating because she's leaving. For once, I'm with a woman (not a girl...big fucking difference, trust me) and things aren't over because they weren't going well, their over because circumstances demand it, IN SPITE of things going quite well. So, yeah...every conversation with her makes me happy.
Anyway, that's not the thing that has me upset, so let me get to that. See, for some reason I decided to save the chat-log of that conversation. And when I did so, I noticed that my only other two saved chat logs were from when Kelsea and I broke up back in March/April. For some reason I decided to read through them.
It was like reading something written by another person. I was reading this shit written by this pathetic little insect of man and it really pissed me off. It made me want to go back in time and beat the shit out of that sniveling little bitch that I used to be.
Here was this girl basically talking to me like I was a fucking dog and essentially playing games with my head and heart, and my response was to pretty much just apologize profusely while trying to pretend that I wasn't still desperately in love with her.
I am never going to be with someone like that again. And I am never going to be like that again. I guess you could say that I've grown up. And aside from occasionally saying something like "yeah, I went there with my ex once" I rarely if ever think about Kelsea. And yet...reading these damn chat logs tonight has me fuming with anger. Not at her...I read back over the things she was saying and think "yep, that's Kelsea for you." I'm pissed at me...or actually, not at me...I'm pissed at the person I used to be. Arg...
I deleted the old chat logs and the new one. I don't want to associate any of the nice things that have happened or will happen between this really great woman and I with any of the shit that went on in what I consider another lifetime.
GRAH!
~Keroo
Anyway, that's not the thing that has me upset, so let me get to that. See, for some reason I decided to save the chat-log of that conversation. And when I did so, I noticed that my only other two saved chat logs were from when Kelsea and I broke up back in March/April. For some reason I decided to read through them.
It was like reading something written by another person. I was reading this shit written by this pathetic little insect of man and it really pissed me off. It made me want to go back in time and beat the shit out of that sniveling little bitch that I used to be.
Here was this girl basically talking to me like I was a fucking dog and essentially playing games with my head and heart, and my response was to pretty much just apologize profusely while trying to pretend that I wasn't still desperately in love with her.
I am never going to be with someone like that again. And I am never going to be like that again. I guess you could say that I've grown up. And aside from occasionally saying something like "yeah, I went there with my ex once" I rarely if ever think about Kelsea. And yet...reading these damn chat logs tonight has me fuming with anger. Not at her...I read back over the things she was saying and think "yep, that's Kelsea for you." I'm pissed at me...or actually, not at me...I'm pissed at the person I used to be. Arg...
I deleted the old chat logs and the new one. I don't want to associate any of the nice things that have happened or will happen between this really great woman and I with any of the shit that went on in what I consider another lifetime.
GRAH!
~Keroo