.276 x general stuffens
I've been watching the Biggest Loser. I know some people don't do reality TV at all on principle, but it's the only one that I feel isn't retarded. It's a good message and a good goal. And it's inspiring too. You can't watch an episode and then feel right about pigging out or skipping out on the gym. It helps keep you going. I'm going to the gym today with John. Yesterday we were supposed to but I ended up not being able to, so instead I worked on my Carmen Electra DVDs and used the rower at home. Plus a couple other things.
Today I was supposed to work but I called out... mostly because I was feeling very sick, in and out of the bathroom, but also because I hardly slept because I was so upset with Danny. He actually let me leave the room to go sleep in the game room. He didn't come get me. The only reason I came back was because when Justin started moving around getting ready for work, I'd barely gotten to sleep and it woke me, and it was too hot to try to get back to sleep in the game room.
Just a lot of little things added up to make me feel down, and when I tried to talk to him about it he got upset with me. I can't stand that. He wants me to express myself better but he won't freaking listen and doesn't even care. I was so pissed. He made fun of the fact that I don't have as many friends who could be bridesmaids now as he does friends who would be groomsmen, he got angry at me for saying I hadn't seen Gladiator recently enough to recognize one of the actors from it (said I was being "condescending" to him because he had seen it recently), got angry at me for, I don't know, not having the appropriate response to his comment of he's not sure who he'd make best man at the moment in time, he'd just go with me.... what's the appropriate response to that, anyway?
Whatever.
And then I guess he was finally up front about the fact that yes, he does want to have anal more often, and he's not usually joking when he mentions it, but when he asked me if we could do it and I didn't want to... he pressed. And he asked, "What makes tonight different from any other night?" And he wanted a reason, and I didn't know what to say, and it made me cry. And we started to have sex anyway but he's telling me, "You really expect me to have pleasurable sex when you're crying?"
But then later when I talk to him about how I'm feeling, he has the freaking audacity to say, "I thought we had a nice evening. We watched entertaining TV, we had good sex..."
Yeah. What the fuck ever.
Obviously he didn't want to talk about it in the morning. But he was more... I don't know, gentle, he pet my back without me having to ask, stuff like that, so I took it as something of an apology and let it go. For now at least. But it's not fair that he be angry with me for trying to tell him I'm upset. I know I'm not that articulate when I'm upset and I know he may not understand why I'm upset but he's supposed to fucking give a damn.
And the one night when he was upset with me and he stayed up all night, couldn't sleep, because he was upset and wanted an apology, argh it makes me so mad because it's exactly how I feel all the freaking time but he just doesn't fucking get it.
I do love him. It's just, it's just... not fair.
Today I was supposed to work but I called out... mostly because I was feeling very sick, in and out of the bathroom, but also because I hardly slept because I was so upset with Danny. He actually let me leave the room to go sleep in the game room. He didn't come get me. The only reason I came back was because when Justin started moving around getting ready for work, I'd barely gotten to sleep and it woke me, and it was too hot to try to get back to sleep in the game room.
Just a lot of little things added up to make me feel down, and when I tried to talk to him about it he got upset with me. I can't stand that. He wants me to express myself better but he won't freaking listen and doesn't even care. I was so pissed. He made fun of the fact that I don't have as many friends who could be bridesmaids now as he does friends who would be groomsmen, he got angry at me for saying I hadn't seen Gladiator recently enough to recognize one of the actors from it (said I was being "condescending" to him because he had seen it recently), got angry at me for, I don't know, not having the appropriate response to his comment of he's not sure who he'd make best man at the moment in time, he'd just go with me.... what's the appropriate response to that, anyway?
Whatever.
And then I guess he was finally up front about the fact that yes, he does want to have anal more often, and he's not usually joking when he mentions it, but when he asked me if we could do it and I didn't want to... he pressed. And he asked, "What makes tonight different from any other night?" And he wanted a reason, and I didn't know what to say, and it made me cry. And we started to have sex anyway but he's telling me, "You really expect me to have pleasurable sex when you're crying?"
But then later when I talk to him about how I'm feeling, he has the freaking audacity to say, "I thought we had a nice evening. We watched entertaining TV, we had good sex..."
Yeah. What the fuck ever.
Obviously he didn't want to talk about it in the morning. But he was more... I don't know, gentle, he pet my back without me having to ask, stuff like that, so I took it as something of an apology and let it go. For now at least. But it's not fair that he be angry with me for trying to tell him I'm upset. I know I'm not that articulate when I'm upset and I know he may not understand why I'm upset but he's supposed to fucking give a damn.
And the one night when he was upset with me and he stayed up all night, couldn't sleep, because he was upset and wanted an apology, argh it makes me so mad because it's exactly how I feel all the freaking time but he just doesn't fucking get it.
I do love him. It's just, it's just... not fair.