(no subject)
It's been as long as I can accurately remember since I truly sought our Lord's guidance. I mean, I've considered Him when making decisions, but when I'm completely honest with myself, I have always fount it my prerogative to do exactly what I want, so long as it wasn't so far out of line with what He wants for me that my conscience grew uncomfortable. I've come to this realization, and it's humbling to say the least. I'm genuinely embarrassed by it actually. Everything, at least since my junior year of high school, has really been all about me. The only time I would do something to honor my Lord was if He pricked my conscience to the point of making me uncomfortable. I think I can pinpoint the exact starting point of this actually. When I was contemplating whether or not I was going to pursue a dating relationship with Kaitlin I was very much unsure as to whether it was the right thing or not. Then I found out that she was very much interested in dating me. In a panic, and out of fear that the moment would pass, I went for it. I engaged in a year long relationship that ended poorly and led to much unnecessary heartache. A similar thing happened with Michelle. I realized that she was a practicing believer so the Lord wouldn't have too much against it, so I simply did what my flesh desired and engaged in a two year relationship. This, of course, ended poorly and led to much unnecessary heartache. These are just two examples of how recently I haven't really given any consideration to what my Savior, whom I'm supposed to be loving and serving, wishes for me. I am currently fighting something very similar right now, and if I put forth the same type of effort, could possibly bring about a similar result. If you're reading this, please pray that I may have the strength to be patient and trust the one who clothes the grass of the field and feeds the birds of the air, and pray that I will begin to act upon what His Spirit is leading me toward and resisting what my flesh leads me toward. Then, and only then, will anything I do be of any value eternally speaking. Please, I beg of you, pray that I don't make the same mistake that I've made before.