I don't know who even still reads this but...
This is the story for my advanced fiction class, draft 1. I'm trying to get some feed back before it get work shopped in class the first week of June. I know it's long for l/j but if you have some time any comments would be awesome.
The Point of Conception
Halloween this year will be interesting. I decided on my costume last night. I actually think about Halloween a lot lately. People dressing up as something they're not. I know it's pretending, but I don't feel like pretending much lately. So I decided on a white dress. I went to Goodwill at about 8 p.m. and bought it. It looked like it could have almost been a wedding dress but it was too short. If it had been a year earlier my costume might have been “bride” after I had seen that dress but I had something else in mind. It was cheap because it had some stains on it but got them out the same night with less effort than I had expected. The next morning after it had hung dry on the shower rod, I put a permanent stain on it. I used a black marker after I had gotten the area slightly damp and drew a circle and completely filled it in. The white and black mingled making a gray rings fading away to the white of the rest of the dress. I had irreversibly changed it. I did some chores letting the damp spot dry. I tried it on again in front of the bathroom mirror. Now the focal point of the dress really was a point.
My Mom called to check on me. I touched the spot and it wasn't completely dry and it stained my fingers. I wanted to wash my hands so I could take off the dress with out staining it as well but I never rush my Mom off the phone any more. Ever since my Dad died a year ago she calls to talk a lot. They didn't even talk a lot but he had the t.v. And it gave her some background noise. The silence would bother me. I moved closer to home but it's not enough. I'll move closer again as soon as my lease is up. It was meant for college kids but I still only took the eight month lease to feel it out. She calls to ask how I am usually so I sat down in the bathroom floor tired of looking at reflection.
“Are you coming home for Halloween sweetie?”
“Nope I'm going to a party with my friends.”
“Well that's nice. Do you have a costume?”
I looked up towards the mirror to try to glimpes myself.
“Yup”
“Well, what is it?”
I love her so much but I know she won't understand. She'll think it's inappropriate. I lie not to deceive her but because she hurts enough from the lack of white noise from the t.v. Set.
“I'm an Angel”
“Not one of those ones with the go-go boots?”
I laugh.
“No Mom, I don't really think angels should be slutty.”
“I agree but don't talk that way.”
This time I laugh inside.
“Well hun, I think you're an angel already. You make such hard choices so young.”
“I'm 23.”
“Oh, you're Aunt is here, I'll call you later, love you.”
“Love you too”
I drive the 15 minutes to the nicer side of town to Michelle and Daniel's house. The only person I'm actually looking forward to seeing at the party is Michelle. That's not true but I feel like she's the only one on the same page as me in our life since we've graduated and our other friends haven't yet. We both stuck around our college town because we were lucky enough to be offered jobs where we had interned. She graduated the semester before me and was an accountant and it encouraged me to finish because things were going so well. She bought a house but I was still in the cheap housing to save some money. Social workers aren't that well paid but I knew I needed to do something to make a difference in the world.
Unfortunately Kate answered the door dressed as a lady bug. I hope she doesn't have to pick anything up off the floor tonight.
“Lily how arrrrrre you?” she gushes
“I'm great Kate.” I smirk and I wonder how many wine coolers she's had.
“I'm going by Katie now, Mike likes it better.”
“Well then I'm greatie Katie.”
I bush past her while she figures it out. Communications is supposed to be her major but year six in at school and she doesn't seem to have it down quite yet.
A few guys are playing beer pong and my friend Alex waves.
“Fuck! Lil you're distracting me from kicking ass. What the hell are you supposed to be?”
“Isn't it your turn?”
“Catch you after this game!”
I see Andrea watching me. I know she doesn't trust me. I could have liked her if she didn't date Alex. He had been my best friend. I loved him first. We were never in love but we might have been soul mates. We made out once right after my Dad died. I didn't have it in me to take it further. I did with a lot of other guys in that time period but he had been special. He didn't even know her then. She's too quiet. The epitome of passive aggressive with her arms folded in front of her chest while she leaned against the wall. They'll leave by eleven o'clock and I'm glad.
Kate, no Katie ,wanders back in hanging on Mike.
“Lil, you costumes are so artsy whats your theme this year? At least you're not in crazy face paint like last year!”
She and Mike laugh at her joke. I haven't had a drink so she isn't funny.
“So where's your engagement ring?”
She turns to Mike half yelling half pouting, “I don't know! Where is it?”
“Katie-dear, soon soon.”
I take the opportunity to slip away and I head for the upstairs. Michelle's room and bathroom are up there and that is where I finally find her. She's fixing her make-up in the mirror. She's a cat this year and her whiskers were apparently smudged. I watch her apply eye-liner to her cheek and when she see me in the mirror she smiles.
“I heard someone on the stairs; I'm glad it's you”
“I like your costume. Simple and tasteful.”
“So you saw Kate...E?”
We both laugh. Some people never change.
“What are you?”
“I'm the point of conception.”
“What?”
“The point of conception.”
“I get it.”
“Michelle...”
“what?”
“I'm pregnant.”
She blinks.
“What?”
She blinks again.
“Who...”
I've been holding in the story for weeks. I've only told my Mom and she told my Aunts. For my little cousins I'll be the cautionary tale that in nine months will look like a cautionary whale.
“It wasn't on purpose...”
“I kinda figured”
“It's Jordan's... but he doesn't know. I'm just lonely all the time. Everyone has someone but me now. Daniel is in germany but he's coming back soon and I'm alone.”
I start to cry.
“And my Mother's alone”
“It's ok. You have options.”
“I don't want the options now. I want to do this, even if it's hard. Even if it wrecks my life. It was an accident but I'm not going to take the easy way out.”
She sighs.
“It's just I'm around kids all day who need the help so badly. And at night I go home to my cat and whatever I feel like microwaving. I felt empty after Dad died and going out and hooking up took my mind off it. I always felt worse later but I had to feel good then.”
She's crying now too. My Dad was her Dad too. She had a step-father and her real father had been out of the picture for a long time.
“Jordan was different. I'd stopped that before I met him. I really liked him. He was just so young. I know 20 isn't that young but he wants to be an engineer and he doesn't graduate for three more years. I called him that night.”
“Tell him.”
We made a plan that night since she was making a Germany visit the next week. I left before Alex and Andrea even did feigning a migraine telling everyone I might be sick so I had to go. Alex looked concerned and started to take a step to maybe walk me to my car or just the door but Andrea grabbed his hand and asked him something trivial and I was gone before he could get to me.
I waited two days to call Jordan.
I asked him to meet me at Maple Hill Coffee and he agreed. I only pick there because it wasn't starbucks and it was non-smoking.
He already had a table when I walked in and I wasn't even running late. It was uncharacteristic. He was the late one.
“What's up?”
“Not much. You?”
“Kind of a lot.”
“Listen Lily, I met someone. She lives on the floor above me in the dorms and she's really nice.”
“I want to hear about her but let me go to the bathroom real quick.”
I get up to walk to the bathroom feeling like the news has made me feel a little bit sick. I feel a little light-headed upon standing.
“Lily!”
The chair that I was sitting on is soaked with blood.
“Oh my god I'm miscarrying”
“What?! Never mind you need a hospital!”
It's too late. The doctors mostly work to make sure I'm ok.
Jordan drives me home without speaking. I'm in the back seat because there's blood on the passenger seat. In the parking lot he finally asks.
“Was it mine?”
“No Jordan that's what I was going to tell you. I wanted you to hear it from me. I was a guy after you and it's not important.”
“Are you going to be ok?”
“I think so.”
I walk in and pet my cat and cradle him like he's a baby. He jumps down and rubs my legs so I'll feed him and I do.
I get my phone and I call Alex.
Andrea picks up the phone.
I snap mine shut without thinking, turn it off and go to bed.
The Point of Conception
Halloween this year will be interesting. I decided on my costume last night. I actually think about Halloween a lot lately. People dressing up as something they're not. I know it's pretending, but I don't feel like pretending much lately. So I decided on a white dress. I went to Goodwill at about 8 p.m. and bought it. It looked like it could have almost been a wedding dress but it was too short. If it had been a year earlier my costume might have been “bride” after I had seen that dress but I had something else in mind. It was cheap because it had some stains on it but got them out the same night with less effort than I had expected. The next morning after it had hung dry on the shower rod, I put a permanent stain on it. I used a black marker after I had gotten the area slightly damp and drew a circle and completely filled it in. The white and black mingled making a gray rings fading away to the white of the rest of the dress. I had irreversibly changed it. I did some chores letting the damp spot dry. I tried it on again in front of the bathroom mirror. Now the focal point of the dress really was a point.
My Mom called to check on me. I touched the spot and it wasn't completely dry and it stained my fingers. I wanted to wash my hands so I could take off the dress with out staining it as well but I never rush my Mom off the phone any more. Ever since my Dad died a year ago she calls to talk a lot. They didn't even talk a lot but he had the t.v. And it gave her some background noise. The silence would bother me. I moved closer to home but it's not enough. I'll move closer again as soon as my lease is up. It was meant for college kids but I still only took the eight month lease to feel it out. She calls to ask how I am usually so I sat down in the bathroom floor tired of looking at reflection.
“Are you coming home for Halloween sweetie?”
“Nope I'm going to a party with my friends.”
“Well that's nice. Do you have a costume?”
I looked up towards the mirror to try to glimpes myself.
“Yup”
“Well, what is it?”
I love her so much but I know she won't understand. She'll think it's inappropriate. I lie not to deceive her but because she hurts enough from the lack of white noise from the t.v. Set.
“I'm an Angel”
“Not one of those ones with the go-go boots?”
I laugh.
“No Mom, I don't really think angels should be slutty.”
“I agree but don't talk that way.”
This time I laugh inside.
“Well hun, I think you're an angel already. You make such hard choices so young.”
“I'm 23.”
“Oh, you're Aunt is here, I'll call you later, love you.”
“Love you too”
I drive the 15 minutes to the nicer side of town to Michelle and Daniel's house. The only person I'm actually looking forward to seeing at the party is Michelle. That's not true but I feel like she's the only one on the same page as me in our life since we've graduated and our other friends haven't yet. We both stuck around our college town because we were lucky enough to be offered jobs where we had interned. She graduated the semester before me and was an accountant and it encouraged me to finish because things were going so well. She bought a house but I was still in the cheap housing to save some money. Social workers aren't that well paid but I knew I needed to do something to make a difference in the world.
Unfortunately Kate answered the door dressed as a lady bug. I hope she doesn't have to pick anything up off the floor tonight.
“Lily how arrrrrre you?” she gushes
“I'm great Kate.” I smirk and I wonder how many wine coolers she's had.
“I'm going by Katie now, Mike likes it better.”
“Well then I'm greatie Katie.”
I bush past her while she figures it out. Communications is supposed to be her major but year six in at school and she doesn't seem to have it down quite yet.
A few guys are playing beer pong and my friend Alex waves.
“Fuck! Lil you're distracting me from kicking ass. What the hell are you supposed to be?”
“Isn't it your turn?”
“Catch you after this game!”
I see Andrea watching me. I know she doesn't trust me. I could have liked her if she didn't date Alex. He had been my best friend. I loved him first. We were never in love but we might have been soul mates. We made out once right after my Dad died. I didn't have it in me to take it further. I did with a lot of other guys in that time period but he had been special. He didn't even know her then. She's too quiet. The epitome of passive aggressive with her arms folded in front of her chest while she leaned against the wall. They'll leave by eleven o'clock and I'm glad.
Kate, no Katie ,wanders back in hanging on Mike.
“Lil, you costumes are so artsy whats your theme this year? At least you're not in crazy face paint like last year!”
She and Mike laugh at her joke. I haven't had a drink so she isn't funny.
“So where's your engagement ring?”
She turns to Mike half yelling half pouting, “I don't know! Where is it?”
“Katie-dear, soon soon.”
I take the opportunity to slip away and I head for the upstairs. Michelle's room and bathroom are up there and that is where I finally find her. She's fixing her make-up in the mirror. She's a cat this year and her whiskers were apparently smudged. I watch her apply eye-liner to her cheek and when she see me in the mirror she smiles.
“I heard someone on the stairs; I'm glad it's you”
“I like your costume. Simple and tasteful.”
“So you saw Kate...E?”
We both laugh. Some people never change.
“What are you?”
“I'm the point of conception.”
“What?”
“The point of conception.”
“I get it.”
“Michelle...”
“what?”
“I'm pregnant.”
She blinks.
“What?”
She blinks again.
“Who...”
I've been holding in the story for weeks. I've only told my Mom and she told my Aunts. For my little cousins I'll be the cautionary tale that in nine months will look like a cautionary whale.
“It wasn't on purpose...”
“I kinda figured”
“It's Jordan's... but he doesn't know. I'm just lonely all the time. Everyone has someone but me now. Daniel is in germany but he's coming back soon and I'm alone.”
I start to cry.
“And my Mother's alone”
“It's ok. You have options.”
“I don't want the options now. I want to do this, even if it's hard. Even if it wrecks my life. It was an accident but I'm not going to take the easy way out.”
She sighs.
“It's just I'm around kids all day who need the help so badly. And at night I go home to my cat and whatever I feel like microwaving. I felt empty after Dad died and going out and hooking up took my mind off it. I always felt worse later but I had to feel good then.”
She's crying now too. My Dad was her Dad too. She had a step-father and her real father had been out of the picture for a long time.
“Jordan was different. I'd stopped that before I met him. I really liked him. He was just so young. I know 20 isn't that young but he wants to be an engineer and he doesn't graduate for three more years. I called him that night.”
“Tell him.”
We made a plan that night since she was making a Germany visit the next week. I left before Alex and Andrea even did feigning a migraine telling everyone I might be sick so I had to go. Alex looked concerned and started to take a step to maybe walk me to my car or just the door but Andrea grabbed his hand and asked him something trivial and I was gone before he could get to me.
I waited two days to call Jordan.
I asked him to meet me at Maple Hill Coffee and he agreed. I only pick there because it wasn't starbucks and it was non-smoking.
He already had a table when I walked in and I wasn't even running late. It was uncharacteristic. He was the late one.
“What's up?”
“Not much. You?”
“Kind of a lot.”
“Listen Lily, I met someone. She lives on the floor above me in the dorms and she's really nice.”
“I want to hear about her but let me go to the bathroom real quick.”
I get up to walk to the bathroom feeling like the news has made me feel a little bit sick. I feel a little light-headed upon standing.
“Lily!”
The chair that I was sitting on is soaked with blood.
“Oh my god I'm miscarrying”
“What?! Never mind you need a hospital!”
It's too late. The doctors mostly work to make sure I'm ok.
Jordan drives me home without speaking. I'm in the back seat because there's blood on the passenger seat. In the parking lot he finally asks.
“Was it mine?”
“No Jordan that's what I was going to tell you. I wanted you to hear it from me. I was a guy after you and it's not important.”
“Are you going to be ok?”
“I think so.”
I walk in and pet my cat and cradle him like he's a baby. He jumps down and rubs my legs so I'll feed him and I do.
I get my phone and I call Alex.
Andrea picks up the phone.
I snap mine shut without thinking, turn it off and go to bed.