What's with today today?
Holden and I have had a Rough Week. Trouble sleeping, meltdowns, behaviors, the works. I've been trudging through cuz I know he has phases and he might just be bored or he needed to go to my ma's for the night or something and the end of it would come soon.
Today we hit a good milestone: Holden was in his room and I was chatting about the schedule with the PCA when he came out with an outfit - shorts, t-shirt, even underpants (which he usually forgets). She helped him get dressed, he calmly grabbed his shoes, and then asked her "Puh-llllleeeeeze?"
It was very clear he wanted to go outside and instead of getting mad and asking him questions, he stayed calm and did what he needed to do in order to go outside (get dressed and put his shoes on). They played outside for almost an hour.
It felt good to have that happen today. I needed it. I needed that affirmation that even when it's hard, things are getting through and it will continue to get easier.
But then something bad happened.
We went to a party for my girlfriend's son, his first birthday was Wednesday. It was out at a state campground with a really nice beach. We packed up the kids and got there at about 5:30. I realized we forgot the beach bag and Alex offered to go back and get it and Heather even offered to watch Roxie so I could go down to the water with Holden (he already had his suit on). The beach was empty save for a redneck couple and their dog. Holden swam for a while and I waded in up to my knees and was keeping a close eye on him. The swimming area was marked off with buoys and it was very shallow so Holden was safe.
The redneck couple started blowing up floaties and Holden got interested and ran up to look at them. I followed him closely up to the couple and held his hand and led him away, giving the we-don't-know-them-and-those-aren't-our-floaties speech. They both were giving me nasty looks.
Holden kept swimming and when the floaties were full he ran up to them again and poked one. Didn't grab, didn't yell, didn't nothing. Just stood there, smiled at the lady, and poked her floatie. And I was right behind him reaching for his hand when the man jumped up and got in my face. "You need to keep a better eye on your kid! You can't let him just run up to strangers like that!"
I just stated, "He has autism." I was calm and collected. I didn't raise my voice or say it in a snide way. Just informing him of the situation with a simple statement. In the past, people have been grumpy and given me looks, and I've found that this is the best way to deal with it. Most of time the person apologizes and lets it go, no harm no foul.
This man - no, this CUNTRAG - looked me in the face and said, "All the more reason to watch him closer, isn't it?"
I was flabbergasted. Holden was running away and I followed after him, but at this point I was no longer comfortable at the beach without Alex and we walked back to the party. Holden didn't want anything to do with the party and screamed and had a meltdown. I grabbed a burger and we walked to the nearby playground where I broke down and cried a little. To be honest I'm still shocked now. I'm not sure what to think. How could someone be so rude?!
He calmed down and the party went on, Alex eventually showed up with the beach bag and I told him what happened. He looked over where the rude people were (not far from the pavilion) and he asked if they had been watching us the whole time. I looked over and they had rotated how they were sitting on their blanket so they were watching us.
Heather youngest sister Abby is disabled as well - she has physical and mental handicaps. She can get around under her own power but she walks funny and she has the same problems with going up to strangers. I quietly told their parents, Mary and Doug, about the guy and they agreed not to let Abby go swimming until they left.
The rest of the party went well, Alex ended up bringing Holden to my ma's earlier than planned cuz he just wanted to go swimming and the douchebags were still there but Roxie was well behaved and I had a good time. Mary has always called Alex the son she never had and we've become really close with them because we both have children with disabilities. I'm thankful it was their party and not someone else's - not once did I feel left out or sad because I needed to watch Holden. They understood and even helped out with him (as much as they could, anyway), and Alex and I helped out with Abby too. And it's nice to have people that understand.
I go through periods where I crave normalcy terribly. If it had been anyone else's party, tonight would've been one of those nights, but with them, this IS normal. I don't have to explain anything or tell them what to do or how to treat him. The only other people in my life that are like that are my mom and sister.
We ended up going to Walmart after the party because I wasn't ready to go home yet, I needed to do something to keep my mind off what happened, and while we were walking around I decided that while I was dumbfounded at how rude this dickhole was to me and my son, I was also sad. I'm sad that these people exist. Their only purpose in life is to make others feel awful. And I'm sad that I let it get to me.
And after getting home and tweeting about it, I remembered the milestone we hit this morning and I felt better. Yes, Holden has autism, but this jerktits doesn't know the truth - how much time I spend with him working on basic things like remembering his underwear and finding new foods he likes so he won't always be a skeleton and words like "please" and "thank you" and how to calm down when he's upset.
And I believe in karma as well. If he's going to go around being a fuckwad to little kids, then someday karma is gonna hump him in the butt without lube.
Today we hit a good milestone: Holden was in his room and I was chatting about the schedule with the PCA when he came out with an outfit - shorts, t-shirt, even underpants (which he usually forgets). She helped him get dressed, he calmly grabbed his shoes, and then asked her "Puh-llllleeeeeze?"
It was very clear he wanted to go outside and instead of getting mad and asking him questions, he stayed calm and did what he needed to do in order to go outside (get dressed and put his shoes on). They played outside for almost an hour.
It felt good to have that happen today. I needed it. I needed that affirmation that even when it's hard, things are getting through and it will continue to get easier.
But then something bad happened.
We went to a party for my girlfriend's son, his first birthday was Wednesday. It was out at a state campground with a really nice beach. We packed up the kids and got there at about 5:30. I realized we forgot the beach bag and Alex offered to go back and get it and Heather even offered to watch Roxie so I could go down to the water with Holden (he already had his suit on). The beach was empty save for a redneck couple and their dog. Holden swam for a while and I waded in up to my knees and was keeping a close eye on him. The swimming area was marked off with buoys and it was very shallow so Holden was safe.
The redneck couple started blowing up floaties and Holden got interested and ran up to look at them. I followed him closely up to the couple and held his hand and led him away, giving the we-don't-know-them-and-those-aren't-our-floaties speech. They both were giving me nasty looks.
Holden kept swimming and when the floaties were full he ran up to them again and poked one. Didn't grab, didn't yell, didn't nothing. Just stood there, smiled at the lady, and poked her floatie. And I was right behind him reaching for his hand when the man jumped up and got in my face. "You need to keep a better eye on your kid! You can't let him just run up to strangers like that!"
I just stated, "He has autism." I was calm and collected. I didn't raise my voice or say it in a snide way. Just informing him of the situation with a simple statement. In the past, people have been grumpy and given me looks, and I've found that this is the best way to deal with it. Most of time the person apologizes and lets it go, no harm no foul.
This man - no, this CUNTRAG - looked me in the face and said, "All the more reason to watch him closer, isn't it?"
I was flabbergasted. Holden was running away and I followed after him, but at this point I was no longer comfortable at the beach without Alex and we walked back to the party. Holden didn't want anything to do with the party and screamed and had a meltdown. I grabbed a burger and we walked to the nearby playground where I broke down and cried a little. To be honest I'm still shocked now. I'm not sure what to think. How could someone be so rude?!
He calmed down and the party went on, Alex eventually showed up with the beach bag and I told him what happened. He looked over where the rude people were (not far from the pavilion) and he asked if they had been watching us the whole time. I looked over and they had rotated how they were sitting on their blanket so they were watching us.
Heather youngest sister Abby is disabled as well - she has physical and mental handicaps. She can get around under her own power but she walks funny and she has the same problems with going up to strangers. I quietly told their parents, Mary and Doug, about the guy and they agreed not to let Abby go swimming until they left.
The rest of the party went well, Alex ended up bringing Holden to my ma's earlier than planned cuz he just wanted to go swimming and the douchebags were still there but Roxie was well behaved and I had a good time. Mary has always called Alex the son she never had and we've become really close with them because we both have children with disabilities. I'm thankful it was their party and not someone else's - not once did I feel left out or sad because I needed to watch Holden. They understood and even helped out with him (as much as they could, anyway), and Alex and I helped out with Abby too. And it's nice to have people that understand.
I go through periods where I crave normalcy terribly. If it had been anyone else's party, tonight would've been one of those nights, but with them, this IS normal. I don't have to explain anything or tell them what to do or how to treat him. The only other people in my life that are like that are my mom and sister.
We ended up going to Walmart after the party because I wasn't ready to go home yet, I needed to do something to keep my mind off what happened, and while we were walking around I decided that while I was dumbfounded at how rude this dickhole was to me and my son, I was also sad. I'm sad that these people exist. Their only purpose in life is to make others feel awful. And I'm sad that I let it get to me.
And after getting home and tweeting about it, I remembered the milestone we hit this morning and I felt better. Yes, Holden has autism, but this jerktits doesn't know the truth - how much time I spend with him working on basic things like remembering his underwear and finding new foods he likes so he won't always be a skeleton and words like "please" and "thank you" and how to calm down when he's upset.
And I believe in karma as well. If he's going to go around being a fuckwad to little kids, then someday karma is gonna hump him in the butt without lube.