Fireworks emulating heaven 'til there were no stars anymore
Things are going okay for me right now. I need to try and keep my head from getting overwhelmed. Reality checks have been necessary quite often recently. I'm starting to feel alone again, alone and desperate. I do so much better when I'm not desperate, when I'm the opposite of desperate actually. Its those times when my world is teeming with opportunities. When I lose the one thing I hold on to those other opportunities vanish. Maybe they never existed since I never actually pursued them to check since I already had what I wanted. I wish I was better with words, but whatever, I understand and that's all that really matters. I go home in less than one month and am dreading and looking forward to it all at the same time. I'm excited for road trips, concerts, the beach, friends, and no school but I'm dreading having to live at home again with no car of my own. Especially since my parents automatically revert back to treating me like I'm in high school when I'm home. My mother guilts me into coming home early and my father judges me for not being active, they're impossible to be around since they fight more than anyone I know. All I'm holding onto is my job. The one place where I'm in charge and people treat me like I'm an adult. That's actually not even true. I feel more connected to the campers than the other leaders sometimes and I know it. Hanging out with 12-15 year olds can be brutal. They're so caught up with themselves that its hard to connect with them. With exceptions of course, some of them are amazing. Its those few that I can't stand, they just remind me of all the people I despised so much when I was their age. The ones that always look perfect and "have all the fun" I used to think. I'm so glad I'm passed that now. I'm okay with doing my own thing and that is the best lesson I've ever learned.
I'll end on that note. I like that note.
I'll end on that note. I like that note.