This may not be the best forum...
But I promised I wouldn't keep things a secret from my friends. Welcome once again to the Jennie Whines About Her Eating Disorder Hour.
I've talked with two different doctors this month, who both asked me how much I ate. I usually eat once or twice a day, so I guessed at about 1200-1500 calories. Well, wouldn't you know, but I'm rapidly becoming obsessed with counting those calories and consuming fewer and fewer. It didn't help that I discovered I lost 9 of the 10 lbs I gained doing my student teaching while starving myself. I'm trying to figure every calorie put into my mouth and weighing myself about five times every day... every time I eat, and every few hours that I don't. Saturday, I didn't eat until 4:30, but over the course of the evening I ate more than 2000. Sunday, I could only bring myself to eat 500... I talked to Dad, who told me to go out and get something to eat. I did, and after that I felt so disgusting that I had to fight not to purge. I got desperate and called Shawn, who thank God was home and let me come over, because otherwise, I don't think I would have been able to avoid it. I ended up purging a little while my head was muddled from sleep, but not all of my food.
I managed to eat twice today and I bought a dry erase board that's now on my fridge with a list of the minimum amount of food that I MUST eat tomorrow. Just looking at it is making me feel a little sick, even though it isn't very much. I go in Wednesday to find out if my stomach is emptying properly... which might contribute to my problem of rarely feeling hungry, or my feeling fine, then feeling completely ravenous minutes later. After that, I'm getting tested for allergies to lactose and gluten, for ulcers, for Celiac's disease, for IBS, and the remotest possibility - non or pre-cancerous colon polyps that might be interfering with my stomach.
I am trying to find a therapist... but if I ever call any of you guys sounding kind of desperate, please talk to me. It's easier to eat and easier not to purge if I feel like someone will know.
I've talked with two different doctors this month, who both asked me how much I ate. I usually eat once or twice a day, so I guessed at about 1200-1500 calories. Well, wouldn't you know, but I'm rapidly becoming obsessed with counting those calories and consuming fewer and fewer. It didn't help that I discovered I lost 9 of the 10 lbs I gained doing my student teaching while starving myself. I'm trying to figure every calorie put into my mouth and weighing myself about five times every day... every time I eat, and every few hours that I don't. Saturday, I didn't eat until 4:30, but over the course of the evening I ate more than 2000. Sunday, I could only bring myself to eat 500... I talked to Dad, who told me to go out and get something to eat. I did, and after that I felt so disgusting that I had to fight not to purge. I got desperate and called Shawn, who thank God was home and let me come over, because otherwise, I don't think I would have been able to avoid it. I ended up purging a little while my head was muddled from sleep, but not all of my food.
I managed to eat twice today and I bought a dry erase board that's now on my fridge with a list of the minimum amount of food that I MUST eat tomorrow. Just looking at it is making me feel a little sick, even though it isn't very much. I go in Wednesday to find out if my stomach is emptying properly... which might contribute to my problem of rarely feeling hungry, or my feeling fine, then feeling completely ravenous minutes later. After that, I'm getting tested for allergies to lactose and gluten, for ulcers, for Celiac's disease, for IBS, and the remotest possibility - non or pre-cancerous colon polyps that might be interfering with my stomach.
I am trying to find a therapist... but if I ever call any of you guys sounding kind of desperate, please talk to me. It's easier to eat and easier not to purge if I feel like someone will know.