I'll Be Home for Xmas, but Where are You?
I've always, well not ALWAYS, but since Dad died, hated "I'll Be Home for Christmas" and "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." Once you're missing an essential someone from a holiday, you realize just how sad these songs are.
I haven't liked Christmas much since Mom and Dad split. It just stopped being a magical time and became a time of harsh realities. And, like so many others, I dont think I'll really enjoy it again until I can create that magic for my children (if I ever have them). I'm trying to get to the create-your-own-magic phase, but especially this yea, that's not happening.
This year we have Christmas without Mom. She's in rehab. We can't see her, talk to her, send her anything; she's just this empty void in our holiday plans, even worse than the memory of Dad since she's not dead, it's unnatural that she's not here!
We're going to go through the motions and create a modified version of the Christmas Eve Mom should be apart of. Christmas Eve will find us where a flickering love light gleams, you'll be home for Christmas if only in our dreams. And I'll be home for that intangible, magical, idyllic, Christmas, (with Mom, and Dad, and childlike wonder), in my dreams.
I'm trying to move past the self-pity, or group-pity rather since I attribute these feelings to my sisters and Mom as well, but it's just hard. So much harder than I thouht it would be.
I haven't liked Christmas much since Mom and Dad split. It just stopped being a magical time and became a time of harsh realities. And, like so many others, I dont think I'll really enjoy it again until I can create that magic for my children (if I ever have them). I'm trying to get to the create-your-own-magic phase, but especially this yea, that's not happening.
This year we have Christmas without Mom. She's in rehab. We can't see her, talk to her, send her anything; she's just this empty void in our holiday plans, even worse than the memory of Dad since she's not dead, it's unnatural that she's not here!
We're going to go through the motions and create a modified version of the Christmas Eve Mom should be apart of. Christmas Eve will find us where a flickering love light gleams, you'll be home for Christmas if only in our dreams. And I'll be home for that intangible, magical, idyllic, Christmas, (with Mom, and Dad, and childlike wonder), in my dreams.
I'm trying to move past the self-pity, or group-pity rather since I attribute these feelings to my sisters and Mom as well, but it's just hard. So much harder than I thouht it would be.