because I'm kind of too lazy to write it all again.
So, B left town on Thursday, the anniversary of Cam's death, which was actually harder than I had expected to deal with. Here's my response to her note.
Hey there B,
I'm fine. Really. It's just so strange still to not have him to share my retardedly nerdy thoughts with anymore. All of the stupid, geeky online things that I find now have no one to bounce off of, and I miss that. It's weird too, because it was so unexpected. It's not like a grandparent dying where they've had a good 70+ years on the earth, have accomplished so many things, and have lived a life as a full-fledged human being. There were no real good-byes, no discussions that we knew were likely our last, and all that jazz.
Thursday was just a really bad day work-wise, and after taking Wednesday off for purely mental-health reasons, I realized I should have taken Thursday as well. (Although; Karma's evil, and I'm actually fighting a real cold right now) My kids were absolutely, mind blowingly bad, it was the anniversary of Cam's death, and I had a staff meeting that was so negative and unhappy that I started brainstorming other career options during the meeting.
I realize that things will work out just fine, as they have for the past 3 years, but at the same time, to keep getting hit in the face with it, over and over and over again makes me want to throw in the towel. This has by far been the most difficult assignment of my teaching career, and to now be told repeatedly that "it doesn't matter how good you are, it's just a numbers game" irritates me to no end.
In any case, this 4 day break from school couldn't come at a better time, and yet, I feel guilty about not wanting to do any school work because of the mountain of things I'm behind on is looming at my back, starting to ball up a couple pieces of the paperwork in order to start an avalanche.
Thanks for the note, and please, let me know when you guys are on your way back; Cadence needs to find a place to run around, and I know she'd love to get a chance to do that with her real true love, despite the fact that he probably loves Milo a bit more these days ;)
Love, kel
Hey there B,
I'm fine. Really. It's just so strange still to not have him to share my retardedly nerdy thoughts with anymore. All of the stupid, geeky online things that I find now have no one to bounce off of, and I miss that. It's weird too, because it was so unexpected. It's not like a grandparent dying where they've had a good 70+ years on the earth, have accomplished so many things, and have lived a life as a full-fledged human being. There were no real good-byes, no discussions that we knew were likely our last, and all that jazz.
Thursday was just a really bad day work-wise, and after taking Wednesday off for purely mental-health reasons, I realized I should have taken Thursday as well. (Although; Karma's evil, and I'm actually fighting a real cold right now) My kids were absolutely, mind blowingly bad, it was the anniversary of Cam's death, and I had a staff meeting that was so negative and unhappy that I started brainstorming other career options during the meeting.
I realize that things will work out just fine, as they have for the past 3 years, but at the same time, to keep getting hit in the face with it, over and over and over again makes me want to throw in the towel. This has by far been the most difficult assignment of my teaching career, and to now be told repeatedly that "it doesn't matter how good you are, it's just a numbers game" irritates me to no end.
In any case, this 4 day break from school couldn't come at a better time, and yet, I feel guilty about not wanting to do any school work because of the mountain of things I'm behind on is looming at my back, starting to ball up a couple pieces of the paperwork in order to start an avalanche.
Thanks for the note, and please, let me know when you guys are on your way back; Cadence needs to find a place to run around, and I know she'd love to get a chance to do that with her real true love, despite the fact that he probably loves Milo a bit more these days ;)
Love, kel