Music
I find myself just reverting back to my music, listening to the songs that fit so perfectly with my situation. If i could i would hybernate with these songs. Crawl in a hole and never come out. Even die listening to these moving songs. Even though i connect with a lot of my favorite songs i just feel... I donno detatched? Like i enjoy it but i want someone to enjoy it with. Someone who will listen an try to understand what i'm getting out of that one song. I donno it all just seems hopeless to find someone willing to just listen to all my "depressing" songs.
Today, i was with him again, i wasn't nearly as bummed when it was over like i normally am, so i guess that's a start. I really want to reach out to him. And tell him how i'm feeling, i wish i had the balls to even show him this, but i wouldn't even know how to go about that. Plus i'm scared for anyone i see on a regular basis to read this. I seem so crazy sometimes. My moods are all over the place to people who just take a glance, but really i'm just pretty good at pretending i'm perfectly fine when i really just want to break down and cry.
I got some song lyrics but they seem to kinda fit feel free to skip them, or feel free to look up the song for all of it if you want.
"everything changes" by stained:
"If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
Would it change how you feel?
I am the mess you choose
The closet you cannot close
The devil in you i suppose
'Cause the wounds never heal
But everything changes
If I could
Turn back the years
If you could
Learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel"
The whole song pretty much fits to the T with how i feel about this kid. I just wish i had the courage to show him all of it.
I just can't shake him out of my thoughts, hopes, and dreams... I wish i could escape the wrongful hopes that are becoming my nightmares.
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