(no subject)
i'm so tired. tired of the lovey dovey crap that is everywhere. i swear it is the spring by all the lovers around. everyone has someone and is practically married. since when is everyone so happy where love is concerned?! usually everyone sits around and bitches about it but not anymore. everything is hunky dorey with everyone. but i want to bitch about it. i need to bitch about it. but i know if i did someone would only tell me "you're time is coming kelly. your guy is out there.. it's worth the wait" and it very well might be. but with my past and present i just don't see it happening anytime soon. and that is really hard considering the two guys i have cared for/loved are happily together with someone and proclaim their love on a daily basis. a lot of my best friends and friends are with great people so they're relationships are going to last a long time, possibly even forever. don't get me wrong.. i'm happy they're happy and don't want them to break up or be sad or anything.. i'm not sadistic. it's just that everyone is in these great relationships that they claim are going to last forever and i haven't even held a guys hand or kissed a guy. i've never had chemistry with a guy. i've only had one guy like me.. possibly two more but even then it's not much. i'm just so tired of it. when is it going to be my turn? what is so wrong with me that guys are attracted me in any sense of the word? it hurts to know i'm not good enough. i know everyone will disagree and that's fine. i'm just tired of feeling like a nobody or a loser while everyone else gets their dream while i'm still left wishing for mine.
perhaps, it will happen one day before i hit menapause or turn old and gray. and don't get me wrong, i'm not desperatly looking for a guy to fulfill my happiness or any of that crap. i'm content with my life and love everything about it. but while everyone is with their significant other, where does that leave me? that's right.. alone. i just want one person to put me first above all others. is that selfish? i hope not b/c that kills me if it is but if so.. well i can't be selfless all the time. God knows that. i'm just tired of it all and needed to bitch. i hate using that word but that's how fed up i am. i just want to know when my time will come?
"While your story is completed, mine is a long way from done" ~Sister Hazel.... and the thing that gets me is that my story hasn't even started yet.