(no subject)
Sooooooo... I am basically a horrible person.
I mean, I am not a horrible person, so much as I have horrible thoughts. but the question of the day is, does that make me a horribl person. I like to think that the reason I think these thoughts is because I was thrown into a horrible situation. But this could just be my excuse so I can cover up my happiness.
I'm not trying to blame him at all, but B showed me so much. B treated me like a girl deserves. He took time out of his day to show me a great time. And I know when i say great time, everyone thinks sex. but its not. Its just that we actually did have a ton of fun. and this is so wrong. so many moments. moments when things could have happened. and not that anything happened, but i would say, "B I cant because I have a boyfriend." and he woudl reassure me that it was fine and he just wanted to hang out with me. but then he would say the sweetest things. all these little things.
and the saddest part is that i am trying to rationale my feelings towards B by saying that it is Bens's fault. that if he would appreciate me and go out of his way ONE time, just one, then I wouldnt feel this way towards someone else.
But I would love to know why he has this grip on me. When someone else promises me all these wonderful things, when someone else has proved time and time again that he goes through with his promises, why do i still chooose ben. why? Why do I choose the guy who is full of empty promises? the guy who cannot give me what i need? I mean, I feel that i am constantly sticking up for ben, telling all my friends that his mistakes don't hurt me. that he doesn't mean it and hes a good guy. I shouldn't have to do that. Ben has no goals; no motivation. Sometimes i think he is just going to grow up and be an old pot head still. its like everyone else grows up and moves on, but not him.
B is a biomedical sciences major. by the way.
And he's taking me out to dinner and a movie on Friday. while Ben smoke pot because its 4-20.
Indecisivily yours,
Kell
I mean, I am not a horrible person, so much as I have horrible thoughts. but the question of the day is, does that make me a horribl person. I like to think that the reason I think these thoughts is because I was thrown into a horrible situation. But this could just be my excuse so I can cover up my happiness.
I'm not trying to blame him at all, but B showed me so much. B treated me like a girl deserves. He took time out of his day to show me a great time. And I know when i say great time, everyone thinks sex. but its not. Its just that we actually did have a ton of fun. and this is so wrong. so many moments. moments when things could have happened. and not that anything happened, but i would say, "B I cant because I have a boyfriend." and he woudl reassure me that it was fine and he just wanted to hang out with me. but then he would say the sweetest things. all these little things.
and the saddest part is that i am trying to rationale my feelings towards B by saying that it is Bens's fault. that if he would appreciate me and go out of his way ONE time, just one, then I wouldnt feel this way towards someone else.
But I would love to know why he has this grip on me. When someone else promises me all these wonderful things, when someone else has proved time and time again that he goes through with his promises, why do i still chooose ben. why? Why do I choose the guy who is full of empty promises? the guy who cannot give me what i need? I mean, I feel that i am constantly sticking up for ben, telling all my friends that his mistakes don't hurt me. that he doesn't mean it and hes a good guy. I shouldn't have to do that. Ben has no goals; no motivation. Sometimes i think he is just going to grow up and be an old pot head still. its like everyone else grows up and moves on, but not him.
B is a biomedical sciences major. by the way.
And he's taking me out to dinner and a movie on Friday. while Ben smoke pot because its 4-20.
Indecisivily yours,
Kell