Wow
And here I thought I was worth more than only the things I did for others. Apparently I was wrong.
I'm sorry I am unwilling to roll over and let people walk all over me every time they want, and I'm sorry that I'm don't much like being ignored except for when people want something..
Oh, wait, no I'm not.
This has been going on for years now, but people seem to think it's recent. Since even before the start of BGM I had started noticing something. Unless I reached out to people they simply wouldn't bother with me. If I didn't contact first I was ignored. For a very long time I lumped it and tried to be a good friend. I paged, did things, asked for RP.. and for a long while I felt it was enough. Then things started to change. I was still reaching out, but more and more people didn't really want to bother. I'd be talked at for hours, but when I wanted to talk about something more often than naught the subject would flat out be ignored, or someone would change the subject. Again I lumped it as not everyone likes the same things. You just deal.
For a time BGM was loads of fun and I felt part of the team. Then the team started distancing themselves. People no longer logged into staff alts. They moved on RP wise, me finding it harder and harder to get rp. I do not blame others for all of that. You can't expect all rp to drop into your lap, and it was getting harder and harder to type for me. Sadly the people I wanted to RP with always seemed busy or not interested. My poses were getting smaller while theirs longer. Kinda understandable.
After a while Philia and I were the only ones even bothering to log in, much less do anything. My job was easy and not much else really needed to be done so it didn't matter much.
Then little by little it really started bothering me that I always had to be the one to say hello. People wouldn't even take the time to say hi unless I reached out to them first. I'm being told now that this is an awful thing for me to expect. Shame on me for wanting someone to just reach out and say Hi. Yeah, shame on me. I'm a horrible person apparently for feeling that I have the right to be told hello.
Feeling cut off and very alone I started playing FFXI. This didn't start after I began the game. No, I started playing the game more because of it. It was SO much easier to be on FFXI alone than sit around the mux alone. Over time I found friends there. People who reach out to me, who actually seem to like that I'm there. They do things for me, and sometimes without even asking. We share there, help one another.. it was something I really wanted.
Now it's been 11 months since I started FFXi, and I'm being told that it's all my fault people don't contact me. Wow, do even though people didn't to start with, this is somehow my fault now? Yes, I have distanced myself, but I refuse to believe that asking merely to be said hello to is too much. No one comments wondering where I am, no one leaves a @mail.. again no one bothered to try and reach me. I'm getting told you all moved on and I should deal with it. Funny, I feel like you all moved on long before FFXi, and now that I am expecting more of you all I'm being told it's too much.
Perhaps my friends on FFXI have taught me wrong. They taught me you say hi. They told me it was okay to be welcomed for merely being around. They wondered if I wasn't on for a while.
But it's my fault for wanting that from older friends. It's wrong.
And now that I've left staff on BGm I find that people I thought were friends are no longer willing to be. It truly hurts to know that I meant so little. Not only am I not worth a hello, but if I won't do the work of Staff on BGM, if I won't sit and listen to people talking endlessly about things I'm not allowed to participate in... I'm not worth being a friend of.
I'm told I'm acting strange. I've changed.
Perhaps I have changed, but I have also learned who my friends really are. That hurts so much. I was there for people for so much, but the moment I need something I'm dropped like a hot potatoe.
What did I ask for? To be said hello to once and a while. It appears I might as well be asking for blood from the reactions. Wow. Either I am told I am horrible and wrong, or people stopped talking to me all together.
Yes, I know most of you feel I am the one to blame, and that you are all innocent. I'm expected to clue in to how my worth is only for what I do for you... but that's not going to happen. I think I'll stand by my wanting to be said hello to.
If anyone wishes to say hello.. please do. I'll gladly talk to you. The door is open, but I'm no longer going to be the only one walking through it. Friendship goes both ways.
As Dillan Thomas once said "do not go gentle into the night...rage...rage against the dying of the light".
Edit: *laugh* Yeah, Fall, I already got it that you think you are utterly blameless and this is all my fault. It still boggles me that asking for a hello is being an attention whore when I've posted what.. three times about it in months? Kinda like how I asked for rp. Not often, not a lot, but it's clearly pressuring people. 9.9 Bah.
I'm sorry I am unwilling to roll over and let people walk all over me every time they want, and I'm sorry that I'm don't much like being ignored except for when people want something..
Oh, wait, no I'm not.
This has been going on for years now, but people seem to think it's recent. Since even before the start of BGM I had started noticing something. Unless I reached out to people they simply wouldn't bother with me. If I didn't contact first I was ignored. For a very long time I lumped it and tried to be a good friend. I paged, did things, asked for RP.. and for a long while I felt it was enough. Then things started to change. I was still reaching out, but more and more people didn't really want to bother. I'd be talked at for hours, but when I wanted to talk about something more often than naught the subject would flat out be ignored, or someone would change the subject. Again I lumped it as not everyone likes the same things. You just deal.
For a time BGM was loads of fun and I felt part of the team. Then the team started distancing themselves. People no longer logged into staff alts. They moved on RP wise, me finding it harder and harder to get rp. I do not blame others for all of that. You can't expect all rp to drop into your lap, and it was getting harder and harder to type for me. Sadly the people I wanted to RP with always seemed busy or not interested. My poses were getting smaller while theirs longer. Kinda understandable.
After a while Philia and I were the only ones even bothering to log in, much less do anything. My job was easy and not much else really needed to be done so it didn't matter much.
Then little by little it really started bothering me that I always had to be the one to say hello. People wouldn't even take the time to say hi unless I reached out to them first. I'm being told now that this is an awful thing for me to expect. Shame on me for wanting someone to just reach out and say Hi. Yeah, shame on me. I'm a horrible person apparently for feeling that I have the right to be told hello.
Feeling cut off and very alone I started playing FFXI. This didn't start after I began the game. No, I started playing the game more because of it. It was SO much easier to be on FFXI alone than sit around the mux alone. Over time I found friends there. People who reach out to me, who actually seem to like that I'm there. They do things for me, and sometimes without even asking. We share there, help one another.. it was something I really wanted.
Now it's been 11 months since I started FFXi, and I'm being told that it's all my fault people don't contact me. Wow, do even though people didn't to start with, this is somehow my fault now? Yes, I have distanced myself, but I refuse to believe that asking merely to be said hello to is too much. No one comments wondering where I am, no one leaves a @mail.. again no one bothered to try and reach me. I'm getting told you all moved on and I should deal with it. Funny, I feel like you all moved on long before FFXi, and now that I am expecting more of you all I'm being told it's too much.
Perhaps my friends on FFXI have taught me wrong. They taught me you say hi. They told me it was okay to be welcomed for merely being around. They wondered if I wasn't on for a while.
But it's my fault for wanting that from older friends. It's wrong.
And now that I've left staff on BGm I find that people I thought were friends are no longer willing to be. It truly hurts to know that I meant so little. Not only am I not worth a hello, but if I won't do the work of Staff on BGM, if I won't sit and listen to people talking endlessly about things I'm not allowed to participate in... I'm not worth being a friend of.
I'm told I'm acting strange. I've changed.
Perhaps I have changed, but I have also learned who my friends really are. That hurts so much. I was there for people for so much, but the moment I need something I'm dropped like a hot potatoe.
What did I ask for? To be said hello to once and a while. It appears I might as well be asking for blood from the reactions. Wow. Either I am told I am horrible and wrong, or people stopped talking to me all together.
Yes, I know most of you feel I am the one to blame, and that you are all innocent. I'm expected to clue in to how my worth is only for what I do for you... but that's not going to happen. I think I'll stand by my wanting to be said hello to.
If anyone wishes to say hello.. please do. I'll gladly talk to you. The door is open, but I'm no longer going to be the only one walking through it. Friendship goes both ways.
As Dillan Thomas once said "do not go gentle into the night...rage...rage against the dying of the light".
Edit: *laugh* Yeah, Fall, I already got it that you think you are utterly blameless and this is all my fault. It still boggles me that asking for a hello is being an attention whore when I've posted what.. three times about it in months? Kinda like how I asked for rp. Not often, not a lot, but it's clearly pressuring people. 9.9 Bah.