(no subject)
Todays been pretty average so far. Everyone once more has left me. Thats half my fault. Why? Because I was videocamming with Blackie and she coul hear me but I couldn't hear her. Long story short, it quickly turned sour and I gave up. So she went to bed. Surprise. It was too late to RP and she has school tomorrow. I stay up till almost one in the morning before work. I'd stay up for god knows how long for her if she needed me. I'm sure that Rp is a bit different to problems at home but oh well. I'm just not being very social right now. I've been up until 2 in the morning every morning, RPing with my friend in Thailand.
The only thing I have in common with anyone is something small and insignificant. My ex-girl had something bothering her last night and she wouldn't tell me. I felt a little hurt because she used to tell me everything, but I used to tell her everything and so its kind of..once again. My fault. Everything is always my fault. Its my fault I have no friends. Its my fault no one wants to talk to me. Its my fault everyone left me.
I would give anything to do my life again. I would give anything to go back to primary school. I'd change everything from then on. I'd go through school. I'd try harder. I'd leave school knowing exactly what I wanted to be, and I'd do it. I'd be rich, successful. I'd have a girl. I'd have a big house somewhere and I'd be happy. Instead of sitting here. on the couch, ranting in my live journal after sorting through my pokemon cards. It hit me just how pathetic my life actually is. I don't mind most of the time. This is the life I've chosen for myself.
But it also made me realise that if you take away Death note, Roleplaying, Anime and Music to name a few, I have nothing in common with any of my online friends, if you take away work, I have nothing in common with those people. I was talking to my ex girl last night, after she decided she had something to tell me and I was like 'either theres something bothering you or you're making an excuse to talk to me' and she said 'if I wanted an excuse, I'd talk about AFI' and you know what, she's right. If I want a reaction from one of my friends, I mention whatever from whatever I have in common with them. I can't go five minutes without asking for RP. Its rediculous.
I want to go back and do my life again
The only thing I have in common with anyone is something small and insignificant. My ex-girl had something bothering her last night and she wouldn't tell me. I felt a little hurt because she used to tell me everything, but I used to tell her everything and so its kind of..once again. My fault. Everything is always my fault. Its my fault I have no friends. Its my fault no one wants to talk to me. Its my fault everyone left me.
I would give anything to do my life again. I would give anything to go back to primary school. I'd change everything from then on. I'd go through school. I'd try harder. I'd leave school knowing exactly what I wanted to be, and I'd do it. I'd be rich, successful. I'd have a girl. I'd have a big house somewhere and I'd be happy. Instead of sitting here. on the couch, ranting in my live journal after sorting through my pokemon cards. It hit me just how pathetic my life actually is. I don't mind most of the time. This is the life I've chosen for myself.
But it also made me realise that if you take away Death note, Roleplaying, Anime and Music to name a few, I have nothing in common with any of my online friends, if you take away work, I have nothing in common with those people. I was talking to my ex girl last night, after she decided she had something to tell me and I was like 'either theres something bothering you or you're making an excuse to talk to me' and she said 'if I wanted an excuse, I'd talk about AFI' and you know what, she's right. If I want a reaction from one of my friends, I mention whatever from whatever I have in common with them. I can't go five minutes without asking for RP. Its rediculous.
I want to go back and do my life again